How do I manage this?

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Today I could barely move and I felt no motivation to get up.

I have my next therapy appointment in 2 weeks. Everytime I talk to them I feel fine and stable, so they dont fully understand what I go through. It's when I have no appointments that I feel rough. But then I go back to feeling

Also today someone stared at me. I dont fully understand why. I just went for a walk with my dog.

They might have their own issues. Or maybe something drew their attention. Maybe you're cute or were doing something that caught their interest.

Do you keep a journal? I write daily anecdotes for myself / my therapist so she can understand what's going on between sessions. It really helps. In fact, it's provided the most successful therapy for me in years.

I have never found therapy helpful.

They don't understand and never will.

They are more obsessed with self esteem and ego than I am with collecting jigsaw puzzles. They drive me mad with their obsession with self worth.

I just wanna enjoy doing my jigsaw I don't care if it makes me worthy

They are insane but can't see it.

People stare for all sorts of reasons. I cannot always tell...depends on the stare and how obvious it is, half the time I don't even notice.

Half the time I do...

Half the time I don't care as I can't figure out what their problem is
Half the time I do but I don't get embarrased for long

5 mins and my embarrassment has gone.

They just seem mental to me.

I can't stand teh mental health system, they label every difference as a blinking disorder. It is as though they want all humans to be the same...they are unrealistic on that front.

I'd love to see it dismantled and rebuilt again, in a way that cares about rather than labels people.

Most don't care, its their job and they only do it to feel worthy.

Its all ego, they don't really give a S****

There are plenty of bad mental healthcare providers out there. Have you thought about trying a different person/place? I know it's a hassle...but it also sounds like you don't feel supported in therapy right now.

I do a lot of journaling, as close to the moment as possible to the times I am "losing it." Whether it's suicidal thoughts, panic, or feeling overwhelmed. So that when I see my therapist, he can see what I've written and form his own idea of what I was going through, rather than me trying to explain my own opinions of it. For example, if my sentences are very short and intense, and somewhat lacking logic, that probably tells him more than if I just say, "Yeah, Monday was really hard. I don't even know what I was thinking, it was just very hard." Trying something like that may or may not help. But I think no matter what, you have to have providers that are willing to work with you :/

People stare at me a lot too. I often don't know why. One possibility for you is you say you were walking your dog. I think many people really like dogs, so maybe it was just that. I think I sometimes stare at people walking their dogs because I expect them not to notice me and it's just kind of pleasant to watch people interact with their dogs.

I hope you can find the support you need soon.