Do we lack empathy or is it just different than NTs?

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Because i need alone time and can be quiet I am often thrust in with people whom have clinical depression...

I don't really get it, i don't understand their feelings of self hatred and am freaked out by it.

Why do they hate themselves and why do they need to be perfect?

I don't really get the whole ego thing.

So I can seem cold around them when they talk about such things or want emotional support. #

I can be understanding of many things but I can't be understanding of that especially if they expect me to feel the same...ie to hate myself for beng autistic or to pity myself for not being neurotypical.

Hey my autism gives me a unique perspective on life...as does all that things that make them an individual.

I can't stand the lack of positivity

On the other hand i have compassion for them as I can clearly see they are suffering, i want them to be happy but I can't help them.

I am sickened by this world wanting me to hate myself for not being perfect.

I don't want to be perfect, i just want to love being alive.

Its the only life I am ever going to get...there isn't another one.

Our society is far too harsh...everyone stop behind hard on yourselves....or else I am going to tell you off.

Not that that means much but hey!

Just stop it

Isn't this what emotional (affective) empathy is, though?



So...it doesn't matter how kind, caring and understanding an Aspie can be, we're still all psychopaths?







Um...OK, bit off-topic there, but good to hear.

Are Aspergers antisocial or asocial???

I'd say neither. I mean just by looking at this thread - aspies are obviously trying to fit in. The communication gap is just too big at times and we stop trying.

Some are but not all. I'm neither of these.

Please can someone read my previous post here?

Psychopaths "are willing to manipulate, lie, or cheat without hesitation or remorse to achieve their own ends"
I don't think aspergers display any of those behaviors.

Definition of antisocial behavior:
https://www.encyclopedia.com/medicine/p ... l-behavior

Nice summary of the whole topic of empathy in aspergers:
https://kennethrobersonphd.com/asperger ... m-empathy/

I like to watch animal documentaries showing pack behavior. And sorry for the comparison, but typical humans sometimes remind of a behavior of pack animals. There's always an alfa in a pack, there are followers and there are contenders for the alpha place. There's a social structure in a pack, pack has its rules. If you're not useful to the pack you can be thrown out. I think that's where perfectionism comes from... People getting stuck in a loop constantly trying to prove their usefulness to others. The less they think of themselves the more perfect they are trying to be because they're afraid to loose their place in a pack.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... -mentality


I'm an aspie and I'm proud of it... Yep!

Last edited by Complicated on 07 Apr 2021, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/asperger ... m-empathy/

I like how this is explained. Too bad a lot of Aspies and NTs still don't get it.

The type of empathy a lot Aspies define is the cognitive empathy, while the type of empathy most NTs define is the affectionate empathy.

Maybe I'm taking "seeing the world from someone else's perspective" literally, but if it does mean it in the literal sense then NTs aren't that good at this otherwise people with autism and other disabilities won't get so misunderstood like we do. Some NTs just can't make sense of the fact that some of us autistics dislike socialising.
If it is meant in a more non-literal sense, like "oh my friend will like this ornament, I will buy it for her", then maybe that's what NTs are better at but I don't have difficulties with this either. I would say that I'm good at figuring out what people like when shopping for others but I know I'll get someone here saying "you are probably clueless at knowing that another person will like what you get them and just believing that you're good at it because they're being polite by saying they like your gift". I can actually tell if someone is being polite or if someone really does like my gift.


Well this is true. If you're an Aspie who doesn't have this trait then it's probably just you, not your Asperger's/autism. Because there are plenty of NTs that don't have this trait either, or at least just have "selective or false emotional empathy".

Last edited by Joe90 on 07 Apr 2021, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nobody can't tell without knowing you and watching you what's up with you regarding that. Everybody may have feelings regarding the way that others may feel or suffer but not feeling empathy. Once you can imagine how a situation or happening would be for you and you imagine the possibly feelings of the other then it's still your imagination only and no empathy.
Empathy means that you are realizing the feelings of others despite of their situation and without knowing otherwise what's up with them.
E.g. once I felt joy because I was successful before in a court. A elder women did watch me in the bus afterwards and I recognized her feeling joy because of her empathy despite of her not knowing me nor knowing what was up with me. She did realize that I realized her feeling and seemed even a bit embarrassed of it. But the way that NTs get each others feelings is a lot more then just this. NTs act not rational driven but emotional driven and get the way that others may feel incredibly well. They are even trusting the feelings of others more then words, look or played behavior. Their logic is that your feelings have reasons and that you can't lie about those. Once you are feeling important or very self-confident then they'll treat you as somebody who is that way. Once you are late and feeling ashamed about it then everyone notices your are feeling ashamed and they are picking on you. Once you are late but enjoying to be there finally and seeing the others without being ashamed then nobody is picking on you because their empathy let them feeling your joy and they enjoying to see you. But NTs may also dislike or even hate you if their empathy is telling them something wrong about you. It's not easy for many of us to realize this and to care about emotions and behavior among them. NTs aren't rational but very emotional driven and knowing about their empathy and their mirror neurons which cause them feelings about you can help a lot.

Anecdotally, NTs are more likely to know empathy is called for and also more likely to not want to get involved, or think that platitudes are all that is needed, whereas we are less likely to know empathy is called for but more wanting to do something once we are aware.

@quite an extreme
I get that, but if an Aspie done exactly that then they would still be considered lacking empathy. Having empathy as a person on the spectrum, you basically have to try out for Jesus; never, ever thinking of yourself, always be really kind and helpful, donate all your money and stuff to the disadvantaged, be polite all the time, understand everybody, etc, etc, etc. And people will still say "that isn't empathy!"
An NT person can be selfish, ignorant, mean, bullying, narcissistic, heartless, etc, etc, etc, but still be considered to have empathy.

I mean, say I decided to be a jerk tomorrow and desire to hurt my co-worker's feelings just to make myself feel good about myself, would that be empathy?
This co-worker is annoying and rude as an individual but I'd never say anything to hurt her feelings because I don't want to hurt her feelings. If I did then I'll be wallowing in guilt probably for the rest of my life. But this isn't empathy.

Because she or he knows and cares the feelings of the others despite of that.
The other NTs can relate to his or her feelings and for this to his or her behavior and for this it feels right to them how he or she is as long as it matches their theory of mind how people are supposed to be. As strange as it may sound but sometimes they have even to fear you for respecting and for this liking you.


Empathy is to realizing her feelings. Deep empathy is that you are doing that by generating uncosciously the same feelings. Theory of mind is that you are knowing enough about how her mind works for knowing how to treat her in a way that she accepts it as being right of you and trusting you with that regardless of what you are doing.


Be aware that she is realizing your fears and may acts that way because she likes your submission regarding however she acts.


It's empathy of her for getting your feelings. She is knowingly rude for pushing her limits towards you. She enjoys you being submissively to that behavior of her and she gets your feelings very well. The more submissive you are the more will she treat you like sh*t. You have to become aware of that and to ignore what she wants. But be aware that she will try to get others on her side and telling them sh*t about you. That's normal mobbing that NTs do. So don't care her to much and start to ignore what she wants but become more open and nice to the others. Keeping a good mood helps with that because of the empathy of NTs. The one who keep a good mood are better liked by others and the social state of women is related to just that. In that case others will ignore her if she starts to talk sh*t about you.

She's an annoying and selfish person to everybody, not just me. In fact she's just that type of person. Even to her own daughter. She's not a nasty person though, in fact she likes me very much, but can often be rude or ignorant just in the way she works with others. It is not personally against me at all. But it seems that some Aspies here just think that all NTs are all callous fakers.

We all moan to each other about her behind her back. She's very unpopular and some people don't even like her and don't talk to her hardly. I like her, because she's not a bully or anything. She's just not a very good team player and it frustrates us. I sometimes feel a bit sorry for her because some of the others moan about her even if she's doing the right thing. I just go along with what they say and agree to it. I usually just follow the group.

You are knowing her better.