If someone is actually into you, things will be very easy.

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hurtloam
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12 Apr 2021, 4:23 pm

cberg wrote:
@hl: I guess it's more like I gravitate to pretty intense logical or philosophical conversation anyway. I'd say all my interactions are forced to some degree considering my anxiety but that doesn't mean I never have fun around women. I'm kind of like that myself basically; warm & scratchy like a wool blanket or something. I mother goose my friends all the time & maybe it's kind of annoying but the point is that I care though.


Ah, I see. Dates don't tend to want to jump straight into the meaty conversations.



cberg
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12 Apr 2021, 8:20 pm

Neither do I all the time, I think the main issue is that my honest answers to what I've been doing with my life seem needlessly complex to people who haven't learned any of that stuff before.


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nick007
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12 Apr 2021, 10:14 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Things will be easier -- but not necessarily smooth sailing especially if you're different neurotypes, you're dealing with trauma, grief, mental health stressors, or alexithymia, you have communication challenges, sensory disorders, or the government has banned you from seeing each other for the better part of a year because of a deadly global pandemic.

Personal rant. Sorry. :(
I get that. All 3 of my romantic relationships were long distance & the distance was a big factor for my 1st two falling apart. Very thankfully me & my current gf were able to move in together after about half a year. I know the distance can majorly s#ck. I really hope the pandemic improves fast enough now that vaccines are out so you two can spend some real quality time together in person real soon.

Me & my 1st girlfriend had some things in common that caused us to get along very well as friends & that was probably why we both fell for each other. I was going through some stuff & was very lonely feeling like an outsider my whole life & I really needed someone I could relate to & connect with & I found that with her. However things started going bad after we became a couple thou cuz of the distance & our own various issues.


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16 Apr 2021, 6:49 am

Mutual Interest is Definately Though Only Source of True Friendship / Relationships

If People Show Blantant Clues of Disinterest .. Move One



hurtloam
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16 Apr 2021, 5:03 pm

I think part of the problem of figuring out whether to move on or not is down to the fact that a lot of us here are used to awkward conversation as the norm rather than the exception.

I mentioned that I have friends who I feel relaxed with and with whom conversation flows easily, but that took years to develop.

That's a thing I hate about dating. They don't let you get to relax. You are assessed and dismissed very quickly.

Now, I know that with my friends it took time to develop the easinessand rapport of criendship, so I wonder if I should give this (hypothetical) guy a chance. Maybe the awkwardness will ease with time.

But either they give up or it never gets easy. It's very rare I meet someone I can talk well with straight away.



cberg
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16 Apr 2021, 5:50 pm

Whereas any 'movement' in this regard on the part of more or less anyone with ASD gets viewed suspiciously. In effect what I'm saying is that there's nowhere to go & in some ways no one to talk to about these things for a lot of people.

These days sexuality in general makes everyone suspicious of ulterior motives. It's sort of at a point where I think many of us prefer feeling invisible to feeling ostracized.


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19 Apr 2021, 11:50 pm

A good reminder, thx. Confirms my thoughts that my minor covid crush is not reciprocated at all. Oh well, it's still fun to have a little bit of a crush. Plus he's a good vibe sweet boy and our chats have been pleasant, he's very polite to me, and we've become a better better acquaintances. 8)


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that1weirdgrrrl
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20 Apr 2021, 6:56 pm

hurtloam wrote:
It's very rare I meet someone I can talk well with straight away.


This rings painfully true.....

I'm not normally one to dismiss others; if they are willing to so much as give me the time of day, I'll invite them to hang out again.

That way if there's any inclination on their part, a friendship can potentially develop. But sometimes it fizzles out regardless. It's always been trial and error for me.....

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to approach things, I'm just blathering about my own experiences..... I empathize with the lack of natural conversational flow, even with people I deeply appreciate.


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cberg
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20 Apr 2021, 7:43 pm

I've never met anyone on those terms, it takes me forever to get used to people.


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