Gender Pronouns at Work

Post Reply New Topic

This may be one of those situations where trans and non-binary folk might not be entirely on the same page.

A lot of trans people are still binary, in the sense of transitioning from one gender to the other, and will be keen to 'pass'. The use of gender pronouns could be either a help or a hindrance in this. I can see that some might find it upsetting that they need to remind people which one to use. And certainly it would be very discomfiting for someone in the early stages of questioning their gender identity to feel pressured into stating their preference one way or the other. That's why stating gender pronouns should always be optional. Some may not yet be sure.

For non-binary people, if they are using a non-gendered pronoun such as "they", it is probably beneficial to state that in an email signature, so that people are forewarned before interacting with them in person. Also, because the non-binary person feels less need to "pass" as either male or female, I suspect many would find it less upsetting to be mis-gendered also. But I'm not entirely sure about that, maybe for some it is equally important not to be mistaken as cisgender as it is for a trans person not to be misgendered.

Apologies, I'm not making a lot of sense, I haven't really thought about this before, but now I'm wondering if trans and non-binary folk might have different reasons to like or dislike stating their pronouns.

Clearly there is some utility to you doing it, so it would not be virtue signaling

There is generally less familiarity with non-binary people than there is with trans women and trans men. You can call it virtue signaling if you like, but I'm willing to help normalize use of pronouns for they/them by using pronouns for myself she/her that should be obvious.

I've found this not true. I've known just one IRL, and they found it quite upsetting when one co-worker refused to try to get used to new pronouns, as their misgendering is contagious. And in forums, lack of effort or lack of success is often spoken of as frustrating. I've also seen, both with the one I know and in the forums, being "mistaken" as the gender not assigned at birth is still more validating than being called by their assigned at birth gender.

Also, gendered words used to address or refer to people can be upsetting. Guys, girls, ladies, dude, etc.

I chose cis/would add, but that's not entirely the case. At my work, we are required to have a formatted email signature that is the same across the organization and one of the things included are preferred pronouns. I didn't have any problem with that, but some of my coworkers did and still do. One even seems to like to bring it up, but I've never been quite able to grasp his point of view about anything.
In personal emails... Well, I don't really send any. Apart from customer service queries, I haven't emailed anyone other than my wife in several years. It would seem odd to include "preferred pronouns" in an email to someone I've been with for 18 years (17 of them living together, 14 of them married) or to a customer service person I'll never have further contact with.
I don't understand the problem at all. I mean, I was raised in a church, so I understand the objection if you are religious. Not as in "I get it" but as in "I know about this mindset (though I don't share it.)" But if a person isn't religious and doesn't have that as the basis of their issue with this, I completely don't understand where that comes from. How does it harm or in any way affect you, beyond twentysomething extra keystrokes?

Any emerging new social custom, no matter how sensible, will get dismissed as a "fad" by some people. Only time will tell whether any given new custom is just a "fad" or will stick around.

Given your stated reasons, you're clearly not just "virtue-signalling." As long as your boss is okay with it, you should be fine.

Well, I added them on there, and so far so good.

Had to think a bit about which pronouns I would actually prefer if I had the choice, because I'd like to be recognised as non-binary but find 'they' and other non-gendered pronouns a bit awkward - and can't see myself having the patience to keep correcting people.

So I've put (she/her or they/them), on the basis that it indicates I'm non-binary, but I'm OK with people sticking with female pronouns if it's easier.

So what would the protocol be in cases where persons interact without a formal introduction? Say at a checkout register, bank or something, How would one know what pronoun to use?
The infamous GameStop Ma'am of 2019 is a good example. The store employee had no way of knowing that this individual wanted to be addressed by feminine pronouns. So what to do?

(BTW I'm not trying to get anyone angry. This is just a question that I've had since this issue first appeared that nobody seems to have an answer to.)

Less of a problem for us in the UK because we don't tend to get called Ma'am or Sir(?) at the shops. Can't think of a situation where it would be necessary? And if they're not talking to someone else about you they don't need to know what pronoun to use anyway.

The answer is if someone uses the wrong pronoun you just deal with it or go "Oh, by the way, I'm a guy/woman," like 90% of trans people do.

Trans people freaking out over being misgendered in public is a lot more rare than people make it seem like it is (because no one's going to whine online about the trans person who didn't even correct them or was polite about it), and even if we care most of us aren't going to purposely put themselves in an embarrassing situation like that.

There are those who believe that Newspeak is needed to clear away the old ways of communicating and old ways of thinking.

And there are those who think the language evolves to reflect changing reality.

"They" would be safe to use offhand. You can refer to a man or woman with they/them without actually misgendering. And if someone looks androgynous, it's possible that they're enbie anyway and want to be referred to that way. I've gotten by just fine by calling it how I see it. If someone presents like a man, I say he, if woman, I say she. If unsure, I use they. Never gotten in trouble for that. If I ever make a mistake, I can just apologize for my mistake and use the correct pronouns in the future. I'm sure you can find some hysterical trans person freaking out over accidental misgendering, but most people will react to an honest mistake with grace and a gentle correction.

In Australia, when in doubt, we can just use "mate".
Like the word "guys", it's moving from being a male term to being all inclusive.
Though possibly still a bit too informal when greeting your female boss!

Some peasant failed to address me as 'Majesty'.

Off with his head!

Just don't tell the cat.

Should people be asked to disclose their pronouns, or should they be expected to disclose their pronouns whenever they feel it is necessary?

If I, as a cisgender individual, choose to volunteer my pronouns (e.g., he, him, his), would it be considered an offensive exercise of undeserved cis-privilege?