Those who used to respond positively but no longer do
I used to get positive replies from certain people here but they no longer do. It eats at me because my mind tells me the positive things they used to tell me they no longer stand by and they now wish ill will towards me. There are a few I know for certain who wish ill will on me because they have said so but the ones who don’t say anything at all anymore I can’t stop wondering what they think about me now. I have been told by someone here I most likely have a persecution complex but it doesn’t help when others don’t tell me if they still wish me well.
We're told, to have good mental health, those of us who have had depression, "Avoid negative people." I don't think you or some other forum participants know how predominantly negative your posts are (though yours are getting cheerier). It's not that these people who used to wish you well, no longer do. It's that all of us are trying to tend to our own mental health.
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A finger in every pie.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 25,499
Location: Right over your left shoulder
Basically what's been said above.
But additionally, I don't mind being supportive when I have the energy but since no one I've ever been supportive of has ever really made an effort to reciprocate it starts to feel one-sided after awhile so if I don't continue to invest as heavily it's not that you've done something wrong it's just that you don't seem particularly appreciative so I assume you don't need it.
The cycle of not investing in return when people invest in you while complaining that people don't invest adequately in you only serves to reinforce that feeling of not really being appreciated and I don't imagine that it's too far-fetched to assume it plays into why people might comment less frequently over time. It doesn't make you a bad person or mean you deserve that as an outcome but it's a pattern of behaviour you need to be aware of in order to break out of.
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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う
I've offered support several times and answered all of your questions such as "Do you want me to have a girlfriend?" many times. I've given specific advice when you ask for it, and comfort when you don't. There isn't much more I can offer in terms of support or guidance without depleting my own mental and emotional reserves by repeating myself.
You've been given a lot of information about housing, ideas for cooking, and motivation to pursue new interests, as well as feedback about your medications, therapy, and a possible trauma disorder related to your mother. Lots of us have offered you as much as we can. I hope you'll use this time to start considering some of that advice from all of us, who do wish you well. We sincerely do. I know it's hard to make changes in our lives especially with autism, depression, and set routines, but I hope you're thinking about some new baby steps forward.
FXE is also correct to say that it's draining when one person wants and needs the same reassurance over and over again, but doesn't seem appreciative of the help they're given, and doesn't reach out to others in distress around the forum. That's not a criticism. It's just what it is. We all have a finite amount of energy for supporting others, and it's usually best for us to spread it around to as many people as possible so that no one is left without replies.
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And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
So very, very well-said.
I know, myself, when I’ve been really down and needing a kind word or helpful insight or direction, I SO much appreciate the encouragement from WP.
I hope people know how very much their kindness has helped me during bad times!
If I have not expressed my sincere,honest gratitude for advice and encouragement, I thank everyone who has helped me through some rough times; I mean that from my heart ❤️
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Sylkat
Student Body President, Miskatonic University
You've been given a lot of information about housing, ideas for cooking, and motivation to pursue new interests, as well as feedback about your medications, therapy, and a possible trauma disorder related to your mother. Lots of us have offered you as much as we can. I hope you'll use this time to start considering some of that advice from all of us, who do wish you well. We sincerely do. I know it's hard to make changes in our lives especially with autism, depression, and set routines, but I hope you're thinking about some new baby steps forward.
FXE is also correct to say that it's draining when one person wants and needs the same reassurance over and over again, but doesn't seem appreciative of the help they're given, and doesn't reach out to others in distress around the forum. That's not a criticism. It's just what it is. We all have a finite amount of energy for supporting others, and it's usually best for us to spread it around to as many people as possible so that no one is left without replies.
Please hear me out. This topic wasn’t addressed to you or anyone else who did respond. It’s to those who used to respond to me but no longer do and won’t say why which is where the thoughts that eat at me come from. I think there has been times I gave you support before but I definitely know I have given you support since last week. I have also tried to give support to other people from time to time.
I’ve thought of asking a local museum to do volunteering since it’s actually something I am interested in. Apparently volunteering will lead to new social interaction and could help with getting a girlfriend. I know you also asked me if I was trying to pursue new interests. Did you see my response to that?
Please understand that I do appreciate the support you and others have given me. What can I do better in showing it? I have been trying to do better to reach out to others who feel distressed.
I really need to nap now.
That's wonderful Marknis. I didn't take it personally. I was only responding to what you wrote with my own perspective. It seems that others have the same perspective. No one should be called out for supporting you and then going quiet if they run out of steam. I just wanted to make sure that no one feels guilty if they haven't replied to you, based on what you wrote. It's common for autistic people to take things personally and think people are talking about them, when they aren't, and I worry about those people who might not speak up. No one wants to feel obligation about supporting anyone else here, when they don't have the spoons.
I think it's great you are taking new initiatives and yes, I do wish you well!
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And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
I think it's great you are taking new initiatives and yes, I do wish you well!
I guess I understand where you are coming from, Isabella. I just wish it didn’t eat at me so much when those who used to reply to me no longer do because I don’t know if they still wish me well or not. I am glad you still wish me well.
I was thinking of going today to talk to the museum about volunteering since I have to head back in that direction from where I am (Barnes & Noble).
Would anyone here feel sad if I never did find a girlfriend to spend my life with?
Last edited by Marknis on 15 Apr 2021, 1:00 pm, edited 3 times in total.
OutsideView
Veteran
Joined: 4 Oct 2017
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,022
Location: England ^not male but apparently you can't change it
I would be sad for you, yes. I'd like you to get a girlfriend.
Thank you, Joe. I remember a girl I used to know telling me when I was sad that I didn’t have a girlfriend “Single people are cool.” but she herself had a boyfriend. Is she saying she herself wasn’t cool?
Thank you, OutsideView. I notice that women from the UK tend to be the most supportive of me in this factor. Not to say women from the US, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand when it comes to predominantly English speaking cultures don’t but in terms of numbers, UK women rank the highest in that regard.
It's not that this married person doesn't think she is cool; it's that she thinks that being single might be "cooler."
This was when I was in junior high. I don’t know what she is doing these days. Last time I directly talked to her, which was probably in 2007, I told her I had Aspergers and she thought it was a disease.
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