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kraftiekortie
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27 Apr 2021, 1:23 pm

Are you going to ask him to marry you?

I've never heard the phrase "popping the question" used in any other context.



Honestlyme
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28 Apr 2021, 6:11 pm

It's a play on asking to marry. I was trying to be literary.

I'm not asking for a diagnosis, but these are what I'm basing my perception on:

Learned 2 languages in less than 2 years.
Monopolizing conversation.
Detailed knowledge of specific topics.
Trouble with hypothetical tasks like imagining being in fantasy situations.
Trouble with non-specific questions. Asking for more and more details.
Doesn't understand intuitive conclusions. Always needing more data.
Needing emojis explained.
Extremely little kissing, cuddling.
Wearing the same clothes, eating the same foods several days in a row.
Wants or needs me to be a bridge/translator to the way other people think.
Freezes from negative emotions. Needs a long time to process them.
Sleeps 12 hours a day if you let him.
Chronic loneliness



threetoed snail
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28 Apr 2021, 6:54 pm

Honestlyme wrote:
I'm not asking for a diagnosis...

...But you kinda are. ;)

In my opinion those things aren't nearly specific enough. There are other possible things that come to mind from that list, but I'm not going to name them because I think it's better left for a professional to judge.


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Honestlyme
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28 Apr 2021, 7:16 pm

You're right, I kind of am, but not really. It's more of a "am I hot or cold?" situation.
The diagnosis will come from a professional, assuming he goes through with therapy. I would like to hear your thoughts about the other things.



threetoed snail
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28 Apr 2021, 7:59 pm

Nope, sorry. :silent:

Unless you have real and tangible reasons to believe it's going to help you amend your relationship, there's just too much potential for second-hand psychochondria, with not much to be gained.


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nick007
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28 Apr 2021, 10:38 pm

Honestlyme wrote:
Hi, I'm back. Apparently "for as long as I can stand" wasn't a very long time and I broke up with him, right before telling him I think he has Aspergers. He immediately became very forthcoming, but it turns out he had no idea he might be autistic. People have suggested it to him over the years, but he hasn't taken it seriously. He did now and took the autism self assessment, but got a very low score. Lower than I get when I take the test. There's some ADD/autism overlap. We will go over the questions together, cause there's been some indication he didn't quite understand them. I wonder if I might just be seeing autism everywhere where there's none, due to the situation. He's going to go to therapy due to there being trouble no matter what you call it. I want to go too, but can't afford it. I will discuss joining as a couple.
I'm confused here. You mentioned breaking up with him & getting back together in your 1st post but here it sounds like you broke up with him again in this post but your talking about him like you are still in a relationship with him :? :?: Did you change your mind & have second thoughts after breaking up both times? Or you still officially broken up but considering the possibility that things or him may suddenly change? I know from experience that flip-flopping behavior from a romantic partner can be extremely difficult for an Aspie to handle. It can cause major confusion, major insecurity, & major frustration. You mentioned in your 1st post that you had a major breach of trust within your relationship & I have to warn you that the cycle of breaking up & getting back together with him is only going to make him more untrusting of you. If he is the one that broke your trust, being very unsure of you & your relationship will majorly increase the chance that he will majorly f#ck up again either by him acting out or him making bad decisions when he is trying to do rite by you. If you can not accept him the way he currently is, instead of pushing him to get help & change, it will probably be better for both of you if you just walk away for good. You can NOT get an Aspie to suddenly stop being an Aspie anymore than you can suddently get a non-Aspie(an NT) to suddenly become an Aspie. I know I'm sounding harsh here but I really don't know how else to explain it.


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Honestlyme
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29 Apr 2021, 10:59 am

@snail: you're right, I will wait for the diagnosis.

@nick: I did say that the breach came from both sides, but I was violated in a much deeper, more substantial way. So I'm very confused myself right now. I can hardly do the calculus of how confused and frustrated he must feel. I know it intellectually, but I'm a person too. I haven't had an issue with any of the aspie-like traits that I've noticed throughout the years, but in a crisis, having someone who shuts down, doesn't communicate, hardly acknowledges need for real change, but doesn't want to break up, messes with my mind too. So whether or not I want him to change, yeah, I'll talk to my therapist about it. I'll try to calm down my feelings and deal with the deafening silence as best I can and if I can't, I'll break up with him for real this time.