I think my boss wrongly responded to me sharing diagnosis

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Hey everyone,

Something happened at my job the other day and trying to figure out if I should be telling someone else at work about it. I was having a 1-on-1 meeting with a member of higher level management where I voluntarily mentioned as part of the conversation that I have Aspergers (Officially Diagnosed). His response to me mentioning that were a couple comments like "Yeah, I can clearly tell" and "It's pretty obvious".

I am not used to getting responses like that when I talk about my diagnosis so I am unsure if I am justified in how negatively it made me feel and if it is something that I should bring up to another member of management or HR?

Has anyone else had experiences like this?

I think you just disclosed to someone with knowledge of AS. I don't see anything wrong with his response.

We need more context, as those remarks may or may not be OK depending on how they were said.

If the way the words were said were in a derogatory tone, in the sense of just having confirmed that there was something 'wrong with you', you might have a valid concern. Though I would tend to give the benefit of the doubt and see if the boss displays any discriminatory behaviour towards you before going to HR.

If the way the words were said indicates that the boss has experience with and is able to recognize AS, that may not be a bad thing. The difficulty may be that he has some prejudice based on what he thinks he knows about the condition, which might not be valid in your specific case. Again, you might need to wait and see if he discriminates against you.

I wouldn't worry too much about it at this stage. It would be nice to think that disclosure would always be met with at least acceptance, if not interest, and an enquiry over whether you may need any support, but in real life it's a rare piece of luck to get a boss that enlightened.

Your bosses response was a little uncaring/unsympathetic and he could have handed it better.

But at the end of the day he was being honest. He picked up you had AS and its not really that surprising that employers/managers pick up these things in their employees.

On the flipside I'm NT and I worked for a boss back in 2010 who I suspected had Aspergers and was an absolute horror to work for. Ironically I was extremely tolerant of his outbursts and poor emotional intelligence because my daughter had just been diagnosed and I was becoming familiar with the tell-tale signs.

I think give your boss the benefit of the doubt for now, but if you suspect he is treating you different because of your AS then you have grounds to go to HR re: discrimination.

Well, your boss acknowledged it. My boss simply told me in front of union representatives and company HR that the document I had was something he didn't want and it wasn't on my file anyway. It was then revealed that the document was on my file for at least 4 years before he arrived.

That's the feel I get from the available information.
And having only that, I see "Yeah, I can clearly tell" and "It's pretty obvious" as merely a statement of what is.

Brings to mind some years ago a similar thing with a surgeon when I said I was aspergers/autism, they said something to the effect that they had immediately deduced about me that since their now adult son was on the spectrum.

Okay, cool, we can communicate.

My advice is to not take offense if none was intended. If this doesn't affect your life beyond the conversation you had with this person then it is nothing to worry about.
Also unless your Aspergers somehow affects your job there is no reason to disclose it at work. I'm not saying to be ashamed of it. Its just that your employer doesn't need to know everything.
I am recently diagnosed and have worked for the same company for years. At this point everyone knows that I'm a little different and thats OK with everyone.
Anyway, Best of wishes with your job!!

What made you share the diagnosis?

I try to avoid making mention of autism or Asperger's on my job. And I've been on my job 40-plus years.

I wouldn't want it on my file.....

Maybe in 20 years, people will be more knowledgeable about autism; but, in 2021, they are not knowledgeable enough.

If you read the OP's post her boss knew anyway. Employers make it their business to look for signs of such things in case it might be an issue down the track.

I've watched/studied bosses I've worked for and most pick up even minor quirks in their staff even when the employee doesn't realise they are doing it.

But it's only a big deal to the employee when the boss tries to connect performance with particular quirks, habits or conditions. otherwise it's discrimination.

I read the OP's first post.....why would I comment if I didn't read it?

I don't know what to make of it. As another poster put it, more context is needed.

I was talking about MY OWN experience. Employers in the US are not allowed to fire somebody for being autistic, and for "being" many things. However, in the absence of a union contract, a person could be fired in the US for anything under the sun ("At-Will Employment").

I am a member of a union. And it would be VERY difficult to fire me because of my civil service status (and I don't do anything that would get me fired, anyway!). And I've been fully civil service since May 26th, 1982. But I still wouldn't "disclose." I've been on my job since November 3rd, 1980, but I was a "provisional" until November 26th, 1981, when I was put on civil service probation for six months after being "picked up" from a civil service list after passing a civil service test.

I am certainly not saying that it was definitely a mistake for him to "disclose." I've heard stories where people disclosing were accommodated, and even gained respect from their employers.

I'm saying, in general, that it COULD be a mistake for anybody to disclose their disability in an employment setting in the US.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 21 Apr 2021, 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In a volatile job market its a risk to voluntarily disclose a underlying condition, I vividly remember a female boss who openly advocated women's rights restructure a position in order to terminate a permanent female staff member the moment she disclosed to her boss she and her husband were trying for a baby.

Yep. This sort of thing happens all the time....

as Stated , the Context is Key . Like Many Have Said . The Boss May Be Very Familiar With ASD Traits So Their Reaction was Blahzay Like it Really Isn't An Issue To Them .

If The Response Was a Bit Cocky, it Shows a Lack Care

Many years ago it became known at my work, that I was autistic. I liked my boss, so I thought it was no harm to tell it. The other colleagues truly did like and still do

But later on I and some others (I think 6 in total) had subsidized jobs, so I did my best in everything I could. I knew I didn't know much about school, and I thought that would gradually increase. I would be able to prove my skills.

When the subsidized jobs ended, my former boss told me, I am severely autistic, therefore I couldn't organize my work, but he denied that the root cause is lack of knowledge of the school. So I want to increase it, but than he said I have a learning disorder or am intellectually ret*d. There was no doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist that would come to that conclusion.

I did get more knowledge about sertain things, but my boss didn't care a f**k about it. Not of his interested. The money he gets from the state, and my autism diagnosis is the only thing that counts for him. He will manipulate, use tricks, gaslight as much as he can.

Now there will be a career path, but I will demand from the coach, what my exact skills and limitations are. Saying that autism is a limitation is not enough I want to know it precisely! Then it is me, that will judge, whether that can be solved or decreased by training new skills, or whether my autism prevents me. In that case I have to accept that. But there is no clear proof of limitations. I don't want a job for autistics (that will lead to nothing, as I have experienced now), I want a job that suits me, and for which I have skills and can be trained for, easily and fast.

If you tell human resources or a manager, their response could be better or worse than his response

Also everyone has subconscious biases

The human resources might be biased in his favor, for any reason

The pacman always eats the larger number

For all you know, the human resources might be having sex with him

Furthermore, logic could be used to justify anything

At civil and criminal cases, the plaintiff/petitioner and defendant/appellant all each both hire or receive their own attorneys/lawyers

Some defendants get framed and wrongly sent to jail

Some guilty defendants get acquitted


However nobody is "innocent" .


Plenty of precious lil "people" act so innocent. Like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives. Then when they, correctly or wrongly) tell me that I did something wrong, the lil dipshits get all self righteous, like I invented the world's worst felony, and they are perfect

Nobody is perfect



Verdicts are "guilty" and "not guilty"

"Innocent" is not a verdict


But getting back to your post:

According to your description, he did not do anything illegal thus far.



Plenty of people know nothing about autism but act like they know everything

However some people know some things about autism

His response does not sound like the universe's greatest or worst answer

Also, unless you took a audiotape, you have zero evidence he told you that

At one job interview at Wespac, the boss led the conversation into a place where I felt it justified to disclose autism diagnosis.

She made a face. "Is your sister autistic or normal?". "How did you find out you were autistic?"

While it is technically illegal for job interviewers to ask questions about the applicants disability, (in some states), it is also to take audiotape without two parties written consent. Illegally taken tape recordings not admissable in court. That b***h knew what she was doing. She did not risk a discrimination lawsuit or anything like that. She had an MBA and I have nothing of that sort

"Actions speak louder than words". Sometimes someone says something they don't really mean.