Letting go of an obsession causing me pain

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I need advice letting go of an obsession that I feel hurts me.

For the past 4 years of my life, I have been attempting to make it in the video production industry, studying it at University and doing any work experience I could. However I've faced many dramas doing so from courses being changed, communications falling flat with companies I did work with and just not being cut out for the industry due to anxiety and social phobias.

I've had a strong passion for movies my entire life as long as I can remember but I cannot make it work, the warning signs were obvious I often strongly objected to being asked to be the director or head of production. I enjoyed running cables, doing set changes or manning a camera but I was told I couldn't just do those jobs during the course. I am two time drop out fail on this particular course being offered, I tried in both 2016 and 2018 and screwed it up both times.

I dropped out in 2016 due to social anxiety issues, but then in late 2017. I felt inspired watching Rogue One and decided to return. I felt dumb.

I've decided I want to move on and try something else, find something else that I can shine in and be great at but I find letting go of the vid production thing hard. Part of my brain keeps repeating to continue, but I feel it would be hurting me to keep trying.

So I need advice on how to let go, move on and try another adventure to see if I can find my calling. I know there has to be something for me, I just need help moving on to find the right thing

You need to isolate the types of activities that you enjoyed and were good at in this video production training, and those you were not. You might also have to subdivide them to find the core aspects that are problems for you.

So for instance: you felt OK with running cables, but did not feel good at being the person in charge of directing. Further analysis might tell you that technical skills were OK for you, but "big picture" responsibility overwhelmed you, or perhaps having to tell others what to do, and how, was a stumbling block.

Once you increase your self-awareness on your strengths and weaknesses, you are positioned to try something else that exploits that knowledge.

I found after many years in the work world that I was happiest learning and excelling at a technical skill that was in demand. This allowed me to find a niche where I knew I was valued and where I enjoyed the work.

This won't instantly change anything, but as you develop better insight, at a more granular level, you will see a direction out of your current stymied state. Or at least you can seek career counseling (perhaps at a local community college) with some sense of jobs to pursue or avoid.

Good luck!