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Mona Pereth
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19 Apr 2021, 7:41 am

On my website, I just now added a page containing a bunch of tutorials on assertiveness.

At some point in the future I'll post comments about some of these tutorials. In the meantime, I would be interested to hear anyone else's comments about them.


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Mona Pereth
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05 May 2021, 7:43 am

In a separate thread (Responding gracefully to constructive criticism) there appears to be some confusion about the meaning of "assertiveness." I would like to ask that we discuss that issue here instead of in the other thread.

Assertiveness is distinct from aggressiveness. Assertiveness means expressing your concerns clearly and explicitly, but in a way that tries to avoid being outright insulting. Aggressiveness means verbally attacking the person, not just the issue.


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Oculus
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09 Jun 2021, 11:16 am

These links look great! Thank you for making them available. Yes, clear and polite communication is an important life skill which we should all try to cultivate.

My wife comes from a family where communication is often indirect and mind-reading is the rule, and it took us years to figure out how to communicate clearly with each other. Because of that, she has a reputation in her own family now as a communicator, which has frequently put her in a position to arbitrate disagreements between family members. The take-away there is that developing these communication skills didn't just benefit us. It benefits everyone in our extended social circle.

The hard part, for me, is avoiding offensive implications, so I have developed recovery skills, for when communication gets off track. Things which are said mean more than what they literally mean. They also mean whatever the listener's mind associates with them, which can have less to do with the words and more to do with the listener's past experiences with similar words or phrasings. Pulling their attention back in the intended direction is a valuable communication skill in its own right.



Mona Pereth
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Today, 5:14 pm

Oculus wrote:
These links look great! Thank you for making them available. Yes, clear and polite communication is an important life skill which we should all try to cultivate.

Glad to hear you like the page.

Oculus wrote:
My wife comes from a family where communication is often indirect and mind-reading is the rule, and it took us years to figure out how to communicate clearly with each other. Because of that, she has a reputation in her own family now as a communicator, which has frequently put her in a position to arbitrate disagreements between family members. The take-away there is that developing these communication skills didn't just benefit us. It benefits everyone in our extended social circle.

The hard part, for me, is avoiding offensive implications, so I have developed recovery skills, for when communication gets off track. Things which are said mean more than what they literally mean. They also mean whatever the listener's mind associates with them, which can have less to do with the words and more to do with the listener's past experiences with similar words or phrasings. Pulling their attention back in the intended direction is a valuable communication skill in its own right.

It would be great if you could share some of what you've learned about how to do this.


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- Longterm visions for the autistic community


kraftiekortie
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Today, 5:23 pm

There's no doubt that most people respond more to assertiveness than to aggressiveness most of the time. There are times when people like aggressiveness better----but I'm just not the type to WANT to be aggressive. It's not my nature.

My aim....is to be better at being assertive, rather than seeming to be aggressive. I've had 60 years of training on this---and I think I've learned to be pretty good, but not great.

There's always the nagging feeling that some people like bluntness better than subtlety. My nature is pretty subtle at times, and pretty direct at times. My aim is to learn how to cater to people's assertiveness/aggressive styles better.