Deciding to leave for good

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Marknis
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23 Apr 2021, 3:21 pm

I decided I won’t be taking a break to see if this place is worth coming back to or not. I am just going to leave for good. I keep making lip service but I am going to do my best to never post on here again. Even when I first used forums, they made me depressed because everyone else had more than I had and I could never catch up. I’ve been clinically depressed for 15 years and have nothing to show for my struggles. I feel like something is truly wrong with my brain and no treatment can help it. I just need to go and just try to live peacefully before I die which I honestly hope will be soon.



AnonymousAnonymous
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23 Apr 2021, 4:08 pm

Goodbye, Brother Marknis. :(

I wish you the very best.


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Mountain Goat
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23 Apr 2021, 4:37 pm

I hope you can pull out of depression and find the girl of your dreams!

"Depression leave Mark in Jesus name".



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24 Apr 2021, 3:13 pm

I'm sorry, Marknis... just know that I always tried to be there for you. Genuinely.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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24 Apr 2021, 4:07 pm

Brother Marknis, remember the fact that not everyone here on WP hated you.

I did not.


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sorrowfairiewhisper
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28 Apr 2021, 11:45 am

All the best for the future Marknis. Take care



Summer_Twilight
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28 Apr 2021, 12:01 pm

Good luck Marnkis



Marknis
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28 Apr 2021, 2:35 pm

I am thankful there are people who still care about me. It’s just the fact I still don’t have a girlfriend and can’t post about being in a relationship that hurts my heart to the point I can no longer be a regular member. Love feels so out of reach for me it’s like the universe hates me and doesn’t want me to have it. Why was I even born?



Mountain Goat
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28 Apr 2021, 2:58 pm

Because God loves you!



AnonymousAnonymous
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28 Apr 2021, 4:07 pm

Marknis wrote:
I am thankful there are people who still care about me. It’s just the fact I still don’t have a girlfriend and can’t post about being in a relationship that hurts my heart to the point I can no longer be a regular member.


Many people do care about you, but letting that psychopath you have for a mom is IMO, one of a few factors that is keeping you from what you want in life for yourself.


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salad
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28 Apr 2021, 4:09 pm

Marknis wrote:
I am thankful there are people who still care about me. It’s just the fact I still don’t have a girlfriend and can’t post about being in a relationship that hurts my heart to the point I can no longer be a regular member. Love feels so out of reach for me it’s like the universe hates me and doesn’t want me to have it. Why was I even born?


Marknis I'm one of those people who actually cares a lot about you, more than you know, but comments like this are why I'm worried about you and is also why you're not getting a girlfriend. The fact that you're questioning your existence because you can't get a girlfriend, the fact that you think the universe hates you because you don't have a girlfriend, is one factor contributing to you not getting a girlfriend. Think carefully about what I'm saying before you knee jerk react and think I'm trying to be mean to you.

A woman wants a man who is strong, confident, masculine, and resilient; someone of strong character, someone who is in charge, someone who is fun and exciting to be around and someone who can be dependable on. For you to question your own existence and worth on whether you can get a girl or not ironically is why you're not getting a girl. This is the reason why, not the only reason but a huge reason. Confidence, strength, strong will and an inner drive are qualities that aren't surface level but emanate from a deeper will, and there are many vibes given off by you that you lack such strength.

I don't give you this advice with the intention of hurting you but with the intention of helping you. You need to become strong minded and calloused. You need to reinvigorate your will and develop a spine. Desperation for a girl, feeling like youre not good enough without a girl, feeling weak and miserable without a girl are ironically why you're not getting a girl. A girl wants someone who is strong and independent, someone who exudes confidence, and someone who isn't desperate but a real man gets a girl not because he needs one, but because he wants one and he knows how to make things happen.


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28 Apr 2021, 4:28 pm

Dear Marknis,
I do not have a boyfriend or husband.
I don’t expect to.
I have some bad, lonely days.
But.
Every individual on Wrongplanet has a burdensome complication in their life.
The whole purpose of this website is to be aware that there are others, many others who carry this burden (Asperger’s)) and to encourage, care about and understand each other.
You have a life.
You are intelligent and articulate.
You can get a job.
You can get an education, online if this Covid keeps up.
You have good, caring people on this website alone who care about you.
You have so very, very much more than thousands of men have and that many WP members do not have, some who may never have.
Why are you not focusing on what life HAS given you?
Focusing on one aspect of life that many must, and do, accept is probably what pulls you into depression.
Leaving WP when you are known and cared about just cuts you off from the support and encouragement that you need.


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Marknis
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28 Apr 2021, 5:21 pm

salad wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am thankful there are people who still care about me. It’s just the fact I still don’t have a girlfriend and can’t post about being in a relationship that hurts my heart to the point I can no longer be a regular member. Love feels so out of reach for me it’s like the universe hates me and doesn’t want me to have it. Why was I even born?


Marknis I'm one of those people who actually cares a lot about you, more than you know, but comments like this are why I'm worried about you and is also why you're not getting a girlfriend. The fact that you're questioning your existence because you can't get a girlfriend, the fact that you think the universe hates you because you don't have a girlfriend, is one factor contributing to you not getting a girlfriend. Think carefully about what I'm saying before you knee jerk react and think I'm trying to be mean to you.

A woman wants a man who is strong, confident, masculine, and resilient; someone of strong character, someone who is in charge, someone who is fun and exciting to be around and someone who can be dependable on. For you to question your own existence and worth on whether you can get a girl or not ironically is why you're not getting a girl. This is the reason why, not the only reason but a huge reason. Confidence, strength, strong will and an inner drive are qualities that aren't surface level but emanate from a deeper will, and there are many vibes given off by you that you lack such strength.

I don't give you this advice with the intention of hurting you but with the intention of helping you. You need to become strong minded and calloused. You need to reinvigorate your will and develop a spine. Desperation for a girl, feeling like youre not good enough without a girl, feeling weak and miserable without a girl are ironically why you're not getting a girl. A girl wants someone who is strong and independent, someone who exudes confidence, and someone who isn't desperate but a real man gets a girl not because he needs one, but because he wants one and he knows how to make things happen.


You have to keep in mind that I was discouraged from being assertive and taking charge of my life because apparently the Abrahamic god had a “plan” for me and I just had to wait for this “plan” to happen. Not only did it not happen, being a believer in this supposed being did not translate to social success. I was also told to avoid doing anything “bad” and that being a “gentleman” was the key to success which was baffling considering apparently my life was like a movie in action. I lost my faith in the Abrahamic god and now reject all forms of organized religion for the damage they caused me.

I’ve honestly tried to get out of my rut and change my life’s direction through things like going to college, attending social groups, and participating at entertainment events but they never went my way. People at college behaved no differently than the people at high school I knew, I was always the odd man out at social groups for not being a drinker and smoker, and that also carried over to entertainment events. It’s hard to feel confident and hopeful when you keep getting stomped on. My siblings all have gotten what they wanted while I have been denied and that reinforces the feeling that the universe hates me.

If I can’t find love soon, I don’t want to live for much longer. This life just isn’t worth living alone.



salad
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28 Apr 2021, 5:34 pm

Marknis wrote:
salad wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am thankful there are people who still care about me. It’s just the fact I still don’t have a girlfriend and can’t post about being in a relationship that hurts my heart to the point I can no longer be a regular member. Love feels so out of reach for me it’s like the universe hates me and doesn’t want me to have it. Why was I even born?


Marknis I'm one of those people who actually cares a lot about you, more than you know, but comments like this are why I'm worried about you and is also why you're not getting a girlfriend. The fact that you're questioning your existence because you can't get a girlfriend, the fact that you think the universe hates you because you don't have a girlfriend, is one factor contributing to you not getting a girlfriend. Think carefully about what I'm saying before you knee jerk react and think I'm trying to be mean to you.

A woman wants a man who is strong, confident, masculine, and resilient; someone of strong character, someone who is in charge, someone who is fun and exciting to be around and someone who can be dependable on. For you to question your own existence and worth on whether you can get a girl or not ironically is why you're not getting a girl. This is the reason why, not the only reason but a huge reason. Confidence, strength, strong will and an inner drive are qualities that aren't surface level but emanate from a deeper will, and there are many vibes given off by you that you lack such strength.

I don't give you this advice with the intention of hurting you but with the intention of helping you. You need to become strong minded and calloused. You need to reinvigorate your will and develop a spine. Desperation for a girl, feeling like youre not good enough without a girl, feeling weak and miserable without a girl are ironically why you're not getting a girl. A girl wants someone who is strong and independent, someone who exudes confidence, and someone who isn't desperate but a real man gets a girl not because he needs one, but because he wants one and he knows how to make things happen.


You have to keep in mind that I was discouraged from being assertive and taking charge of my life because apparently the Abrahamic god had a “plan” for me and I just had to wait for this “plan” to happen. Not only did it not happen, being a believer in this supposed being did not translate to social success. I was also told to avoid doing anything “bad” and that being a “gentleman” was the key to success which was baffling considering apparently my life was like a movie in action. I lost my faith in the Abrahamic god and now reject all forms of organized religion for the damage they caused me.

I’ve honestly tried to get out of my rut and change my life’s direction through things like going to college, attending social groups, and participating at entertainment events but they never went my way. People at college behaved no differently than the people at high school I knew, I was always the odd man out at social groups for not being a drinker and smoker, and that also carried over to entertainment events. It’s hard to feel confident and hopeful when you keep getting stomped on. My siblings all have gotten what they wanted while I have been denied and that reinforces the feeling that the universe hates me.

If I can’t find love soon, I don’t want to live for much longer. This life just isn’t worth living alone.


Reread everything you wrote several times. There is no assertiveness nor confidence in what you wrote. Being told to not be assertive and acquiescing to that is the opposite of assertive. Feeling insecure about being the odd man out, trying to be someone youre not just to get a woman, something you've confessed to many times Marknis, basically having no substance, spine nor will but being at the mercy of others, that isn't the mark of a strong person.

Strength is something that can be developed and honed. It is something you have as much power to attain as I do, but it takes actually building character and not being a leaf drifted by the wind, but a jutting boulder that can withstand any tempest. Be like rock. Dont be like a sponge.

If others are drinkers and you want to become a drinker just to find someone then you've already lost the battle before it already began. To be someone a girl will like takes actually have a grounding, a substance to you, something that is authentic and of purpose to you independent of a woman.


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threetoed snail
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28 Apr 2021, 5:56 pm

You're not going to "find love" so long as "finding love" is the only thing in your head 24/7/365.

If you want to ever find it, then you have to let it go, and go find something else that's actually under your control and actually brings you enjoyment, in this world, in this reality, in the present time. You have to find a way to be at least somewhat okay on your own. There is no way around that.

If that's not something you can do, then go seek professional help if you haven't yet. You need it, and it will help you.


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Marknis
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28 Apr 2021, 6:09 pm

threetoed snail wrote:
You're not going to "find love" so long as "finding love" is the only thing in your head 24/7/365.

If you want to ever find it, then you have to let it go, and go find something else that's actually under your control and actually brings you enjoyment, in this world, in this reality, in the present time. You have to find a way to be at least somewhat okay on your own. There is no way around that.

If that's not something you can do, then go seek professional help if you haven't yet. You need it, and it will help you.


I just have a hard time wrapping my head around this. It doesn’t make sense to me. If you don’t train in martial arts, you’ll never learn them. How is not looking to find love actually going to help me find love?