Sometimes it's you that's not interested in them

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For those of us who aren't very experienced in dating, or haven't received a lot of attention romantically, there's sometimes the feeling that we want to make things work with someone just because they're interested in us.

If conversation is stiff/boring and it's hard to make conversations with them or think of what to say, it's not necessarily because you did something wrong. It may be because they don't share the same interests as you, or there's a lack of romantic chemistry.

We may think. Did we do or say something wrong? Should I have done this or that? It's not necessarily their fault, nor your fault. Maybe you and them just aren't compatible.

Yes.

Have experienced this. But then they didn't enjoy the awkwardness either and gave up whilst I was willing to keep trying because a person had actually been interested in me.

Its difficult not to get upset about it.

"Chemistry" can be hard to pinpoint and define what it is exactly.

It's someone who is compatible with your overall energy and vibe, someone who shares the same interests as you, and perhaps someone who has the same humor as well.

Sometimes when you're talking to someone, there is no chemistry at all. You strike up a conversation and it feels like they don't put any effort into it, you have nothing in common, and they don't think your jokes are all that entertaining. Perhaps both of your overalls personality don't mesh together either. If you're a super active, carefree kind of person and the other person is uptight and annoyed easily, that can cause conflict.

Here's someone no one mentioned yet: black-and-white thinking. It's a common trap for aspies. From age 13 until late college age, I imagined a girl's feelings for me in only two states: deeply in love or blatant disgust. No "I kind of like him", no "I have a crush on him", no "I'd kiss him if I'm drunk, but sex is a bridge too far", no "I'd make time to see him any day, because he's so fun to be around", no "wow, he can really dance, and not get creepy about it", none of those.

So, unless a girl fell in love with me at first sight (which is humanly impossible) or kissed me right on the dance floor within minutes of meeting me (which was very rare), I'd assume she's disgusted by me, and not-so-subtly push her away. As a result, I found myself getting unnecessarily frustrated and bitter. I'm sure I also undeservedly hurt girls' feelings, after they showed sincere friendly interest in me, only to get abruptly ghosted or pushed away.

This means it's important to see romantic interest not as a binary state, but as a gradient. Sometimes romantic interest is present, but it's not high enough for two people to start dating. But it just might be high enough for flirting, hugs that are slightly more than friendly, or raunchy dance moves that are inappropriate for platonic dance partners. Basically, low-level romantic interactions that aren't indicative of a relationship (like French kissing may be), but still feel good to engage in.