Most men here cant get women because they lack confidence

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salad
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28 Apr 2021, 4:59 pm

I'm sorry but this is my observation with a lot of the Aspie men I know here, they want a woman but their lack of confidence, desperation and need for a women oozes out so conspicuously they dont realize that they're only repelling any prospective partners the more they get desperate for a partner.

Look most people want a partner. But most people arent so desperate that they base their worth on whether they can find a partner or not, nor is it something that can consume them. BTW this thread is a generic thread not singling out anyone in particular, so if you read this thread and think im aiming it at someone please dont do that. This thread applies to many men, but especially the Aspie men who cant find partners, and thus Im making this thread for a lot of people.

Women want someone confidence, someone with spine, autonomy, and a sense of independent self worth which is lacking in people who wanting a partner goes from a want to a need. The moment someone'e entire self worth, existence and self validation becomes contingent on if another women likes them is ironically the moment they forever preempt said woman from loving them.

Top tier men, men who are alpha or even men who arent that high level but decently desirable, there's more on their plate than getting a woman. They have something about them that defines them that makes women want to find them, almost as if even if a woman doesnt accept them they have enough for themselves to survive but if a woman does love them its a bonus.

Thats what separates a want from a need. Wanting women isn't the same thing as needing a woman. Understand that difference and many of the men here who struggle with women while find themselves a lot more desirable and attractive.

And I want to emphasize again this thread is a general thread for men in general, not any member or members, heck not even Aspie men because many men struggle with this. They make finding a partner a goal that consumes them where it takes away from the autonomy and other qualities that would even make a woman want to find them. The moment men just develop themselves, build their own skills, become great people outside of a woman, then maybe more women will want to be in their lives. No one wants to be part of a boring or dull life. People want to join lives that already have something to offer.


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cberg
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28 Apr 2021, 5:51 pm

Gag me with a spoon, stop with the gamma pseudoscience PLEASE.


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salad
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28 Apr 2021, 6:04 pm

cberg wrote:
Gag me with a spoon, stop with the gamma pseudoscience PLEASE.


This isn't pseudoscience. This is called reality and time tested wisdom.


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28 Apr 2021, 6:11 pm

cberg wrote:
Gag me with a spoon, stop with the gamma pseudoscience PLEASE.
Actually, his claims make sense -- just compare the attitudes of men who have wives or girlfriends and those who do not.  Aside from self-pity, desperation, and lack of confidence, the only other attitudinal issue I see being displayed by lonely men is a general and open expression of hostility toward others.

Whether directed inward or outward, negativity does not seem to be something that would attract women.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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28 Apr 2021, 6:45 pm

salad wrote:
cberg wrote:
Gag me with a spoon, stop with the gamma pseudoscience PLEASE.


This isn't pseudoscience. This is called reality and time tested wisdom.


No, all this alpha, beta, gamma crap is based on a debunked understanding of wolf social interaction. It's inaccurate and misleading about that species and even more so when applied to humans.

I'm a nerdy introvert, useless at socializing, and yet have never lacked for female companionship--and often had more than I've wanted.

While it's true that desperation and negativity are turn-offs to women, there's no need to bring all this Greek alphabet nonsense into the discussion.


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cberg
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28 Apr 2021, 6:53 pm

I'm tired of the insistence that I must find ways to show off confidence to get anywhere. I'd rather just be direct.

:shrug: It's not all just appearances & behavioral science. People have minds too.


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cberg
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28 Apr 2021, 6:57 pm

Most people here can't imagine a world without the pressure to "get" everyone & everything. I have to say forgetting all these crap generalizations has not only made me feel better about most people in my life, it's also freed me up to work, study & profit a lot.

Confidence does not have f**k all to do with other people. Go build something with your spare time instead of labeling people.


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r00tb33r
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28 Apr 2021, 6:58 pm

cberg wrote:
I'm tired of the insistence that I must find ways to show off confidence to get anywhere.

It's not that confidence itself is the goal, but it is an important desirable trait. Lack of desirable traits = lack of success finding partners.
https://www.google.com/search?q=why+is+confidence+desirable

We have to ask... Was Stephen Hawking a confident man? He seems to have had no trouble with women, having not much more than just his mind to offer.

I'm pretty sure he was. Kind of curios if anyone else did that kind of analysis on him.



cberg
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28 Apr 2021, 7:02 pm

What I'm really saying is that nebulous ideas about the way people should be are sexism in action. If I were still caught up judging everyone by their individual natures, I would be much more isolated than I am now.

One thing I'm confident in is the wisdom to know that this system is total nonsense.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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28 Apr 2021, 7:09 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
No, all this alpha, beta, gamma crap is based on a debunked understanding of wolf social interaction. It's inaccurate and misleading about that species and even more so when applied to humans.


I'm in the mood to supply some references to that.

Quote:
As the writer Saladin Ahmed pointed out, the concept of "alpha male" wolves that assert dominance over their pack through aggression comes from a debunked model of lupine social groups.

—Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) October 12, 2016

David Mech introduced the idea of the alpha to describe behavior observed in captive animals. Alphas, he wrote in his 1970 book "The Wolf: Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species," win control of their packs in violent fights with other males.

But, as he outlined in a 1999 paper, he's since rejected that idea in light of research into the behavior of wolves in the wild.

https://www.businessinsider.com/no-such ... le-2016-10

------------------

Quote:
When visitors come to the International Wolf Center in Ely, Minnesota, and observe our pack of ambassador wolves, many of them ask: “Which one is the alpha?” So begins a long conversation about the term and what it means.

It’s a term that started in the field of ethology, or animal behavior, and is now widely used in popular culture. While it is popular, it’s also misleading when applied to wolves. In fact, the International Wolf Center has stopped using the term altogether.

Dr. L. David Mech

Ironically, the International Wolf Center’s founder, Dr. L. David Mech, had a hand in popularizing the term.

It all started in 1947, when Rudolph Schenkel wrote a paper titled Expressions Studies on Wolves. It can be read in its entirety by clicking here. (http://davemech.org/wolf-news-and-infor ... n-english/)

On his website, Mech said: “This is the study that gave rise to the now outmoded notion of alpha wolves. That concept was based on the old idea that wolves fight within a pack to gain dominance and that the winner is the ‘alpha’ wolf.”

https://wolf.org/headlines/44265/

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Quote:
The Myth of the Alpha Male
Single straight guys: If you want to attract more women, research suggests you should cultivate kindness and altruism.
By Scott Barry Kaufman | December 10, 2015
There are a lot of false dichotomies out there — left brain vs. right brain, nature vs. nurture, etc. But one really persistent myth, that is literally costing human lives, is the distinction between “alpha” and “beta” males.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/articl ... alpha_male

:arrow:
Quote:
... It is neither the alpha nor the beta male that is most desired by women.

Taken together, the research suggests that the ideal man (for a date or romantic partner) is one who is assertive, confident, easygoing, and sensitive, without being aggressive, demanding, dominant, quiet, shy, or submissive. In other words, a prestigious man, not a dominant man.

In fact, it appears that the prestigious man who is high in both assertiveness and kindness is considered the most attractive to women for both short-term affairs and long-term relationships. This research should offer some assurance that the genuinely nice, passionate kid who learns a culturally valued skill can be immensely attractive.

Further, seeking to become a prestigious man is not only the surest route to success with women, but achievement in any area of life.

Thus, I think a much more effective and healthier route for men having difficulty attracting women is not to attempt to cultivate the traits of the stereotypical, dominant “alpha,” but to cultivate the traits of the prestigious man. This means developing a skill that brings value to society, and cultivating a stable sense of identity. Such a route will not only make you more attractive to women, but will also create the most satisfying life for yourself in general. In my view, attempting to don the persona of the “alpha” is analogous to building a house of cards. There’s no stable foundation supporting your worth.


---------------


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r00tb33r
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28 Apr 2021, 7:12 pm

^ This seems to have gone over my head. Who suggested that confidence = dominance?

Confidence =/= dominance.



cberg
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28 Apr 2021, 7:16 pm

I don't really feel like living all the time worried about my image would do anything make me seem confident anyway.


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r00tb33r
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28 Apr 2021, 7:18 pm

cberg wrote:
I don't really feel like living all the time worried about my image would do anything make me seem confident anyway.

Confident people don't worry about their image. That's the point.



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28 Apr 2021, 7:23 pm

That's not really the popular thing I see everyone doing though, considering social media trends anyway. It's all a big act we have to talk around eventually.


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r00tb33r
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28 Apr 2021, 7:24 pm

Maybe they aren't really confident then?



kitesandtrainsandcats
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28 Apr 2021, 7:27 pm

cberg wrote:
considering social media trends anyway..

The social media thing brings up a thought,
what percentage of the problem could lie within social media telling women what they should want, and those things being unrealistic in actual life?


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