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ironpony
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01 May 2021, 3:04 am

For my script there is one scene I keep debating on cutting and it drives me nuts.
In the climax of the story, the villains are busted by the police characters and they go in SWAT and all.
I could have it be a surprise where you do not see the police until the bust in like some movies do.

Or I could have this scene prior where the police go into a building and ask the owner of the place if they could use the building for their SWAT snipers to take aim. I thought it may be interesting to show procedures like that, or maybe that kind of things slows things down and I should just have the surprise of a bust?

I just keep going back and forth with that scene but what do you think out of curiosity? Thanks for any advice on it! I really appreciate it!



Kraichgauer
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04 May 2021, 8:05 pm

Is the police making a surprise entry important for the story to work? If so, then keep it.


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ironpony
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04 May 2021, 8:13 pm

I wouldn't say it's important or vital, it's just a bonus, if the surprise would be better, and wondering if it is...



Kraichgauer
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04 May 2021, 8:19 pm

ironpony wrote:
I wouldn't say it's important or vital, it's just a bonus, if the surprise would be better, and wondering if it is...


Go with your gut.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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04 May 2021, 8:23 pm

Kraichgauer wrote:
Is the police making a surprise entry important for the story to work? If so, then keep it.

Yep, that's pretty much the deciding factor.

What would the bust-in say to the reader about the plot?
What would the bust-in say to the reader about a character or several characters?

Does the bust-in set up, or play a part in setting up, important events later in the book?
If so, then does the bust-in Need to be detailed in order to show its importance?
Or can it simply be mentioned along the way?


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ironpony
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04 May 2021, 9:34 pm

Oh well, the bust is actually the climax, if that helps.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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04 May 2021, 9:39 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh well, the bust is actually the climax, if that helps.

A couple questions to ask while pondering things,

If the bust is the climax, and it was removed, what then would become the story's climax in its place?

If the bust is the climax and the bust were not detailed but instead merely mentioned, would the story lose impact?


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ironpony
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04 May 2021, 10:11 pm

Oh sorry, for not being specific. The bust will happen either way, just wondering if I should show the set up of the bust, such as the SWAT snipers getting into place, and things like that, or should I just have it told completely from the villain's POV at that point and the cops bust in by complete surprise to the reader more so. But either way it will happen, just wondering if I should show the set up of the bust or have it be a surprise.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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04 May 2021, 10:19 pm

ironpony wrote:
or should I just have it told completely from the villain's POV at that point and the cops bust in by complete surprise to the reader more so. But either way it will happen, just wondering if I should show the set up of the bust or have it be a surprise.


Ah, okay. I had understood the question to be about whether to show the bust at all with or without surrounding detail.

I'm not sure I could pull it off, but it might be fun to have something which the careful reader would pick up as implying or foreshadowing there might be a bust a little while before the bust happens as a total surprise to the villain.

Actually, I kind of like the concept of the readers sharing the villain's surprise at the bust.

Being a skilled enough writer to have earlier give the readers a thing where after the bust the readers can go, "Ya know, now that the bust has happened, yeah, I can see that thing back there did kinda hint at it. Aw man, I shoulda caught that!" would be a lot of fun. :lol:


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ironpony
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04 May 2021, 10:25 pm

Oh okay thanks. This is kind of what I was thinking at first, is what you mention :).

However, as I started thinking more from the cops' point of view, I thought it would be funny, with the awkwardness the cops would have to go through of having to ask building owners, if they could use their buildings to set up their snipers. It just seemed like an awkwardly funny thing to show.

But wonder if that moment of comedy is worth it, or if the surprise is worth it more. That was my dillemma.