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HeroOfHyrule
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05 May 2021, 1:33 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have CPTSD which means that I have difficulty with trust and interpersonal relationships. Being selective mute and autistic with alexithymia doesn't help, because I'm not a strong communicator and I have a hard time understanding my feelings of affection let alone expressing them. Being separated from my boyfriend because of lockdown law has been very challenging since I'm not good on the telephone and I avoid some of the more emotional conversations when I don't know how to express myself.

It seems there are limits to how much I can "feel" in any relationship because of my alexithymia. I max out quite often whereas the other person continues having new feelings or wanting the feelings to grow. It's not that I don't care about people but my emotional-capacity can only reach a certain level before I get physically exhausted, shut down, and run out of feelings to feel. Then the other person thinks I've pulled away so they pull away. It's a vicious circle. Most of my relationships end up imploding catastrophically because I stop generating / expressing new emotions and I don't have the vocabulary to discuss it because of mutism.

So in a nutshell yeah, I have attachment issues. I think I have "everything issues".

I have issues because of my alexithmyia, too. Affection and love are probably some of the hardest feelings for me to recognize and express. I also express them in ways that are different than the ways most other people choose to, so that causes issues in my relationships.


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IsabellaLinton
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05 May 2021, 1:47 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have CPTSD which means that I have difficulty with trust and interpersonal relationships. Being selective mute and autistic with alexithymia doesn't help, because I'm not a strong communicator and I have a hard time understanding my feelings of affection let alone expressing them. Being separated from my boyfriend because of lockdown law has been very challenging since I'm not good on the telephone and I avoid some of the more emotional conversations when I don't know how to express myself.

It seems there are limits to how much I can "feel" in any relationship because of my alexithymia. I max out quite often whereas the other person continues having new feelings or wanting the feelings to grow. It's not that I don't care about people but my emotional-capacity can only reach a certain level before I get physically exhausted, shut down, and run out of feelings to feel. Then the other person thinks I've pulled away so they pull away. It's a vicious circle. Most of my relationships end up imploding catastrophically because I stop generating / expressing new emotions and I don't have the vocabulary to discuss it because of mutism.

So in a nutshell yeah, I have attachment issues. I think I have "everything issues".

I have issues because of my alexithmyia, too. Affection and love are probably some of the hardest feelings for me to recognize and express. I also express them in ways that are different than the ways most other people choose to, so that causes issues in my relationships.


I was able to express love non-verbally when I was with my partner. I don't mean just sexually, but I had learned which gestures, touches, or expressions were important for him as a means of communicating my feelings. It was like learning a new language. Now that I can't see him I have to rely on verbal communication via telephone. We don't do video calls and he isn't a big fan of written conversations (text etc). It's very hard for me to express my feelings to him, not just about our relationship but about "How was you day?", in general. It's been a balancing act, that's for sure, and there's still no end in sight with our lockdown restrictions. I can't even visit him outdoors.

It's taken him a long time to understand my communication style and feel secure about my affection. I sincerely hope I don't mess it all up as this lockdown drags on, because it's harder and harder to have telephone chats instead of communicating through touch.



HeroOfHyrule
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05 May 2021, 2:05 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I have CPTSD which means that I have difficulty with trust and interpersonal relationships. Being selective mute and autistic with alexithymia doesn't help, because I'm not a strong communicator and I have a hard time understanding my feelings of affection let alone expressing them. Being separated from my boyfriend because of lockdown law has been very challenging since I'm not good on the telephone and I avoid some of the more emotional conversations when I don't know how to express myself.

It seems there are limits to how much I can "feel" in any relationship because of my alexithymia. I max out quite often whereas the other person continues having new feelings or wanting the feelings to grow. It's not that I don't care about people but my emotional-capacity can only reach a certain level before I get physically exhausted, shut down, and run out of feelings to feel. Then the other person thinks I've pulled away so they pull away. It's a vicious circle. Most of my relationships end up imploding catastrophically because I stop generating / expressing new emotions and I don't have the vocabulary to discuss it because of mutism.

So in a nutshell yeah, I have attachment issues. I think I have "everything issues".

I have issues because of my alexithmyia, too. Affection and love are probably some of the hardest feelings for me to recognize and express. I also express them in ways that are different than the ways most other people choose to, so that causes issues in my relationships.


I was able to express love non-verbally when I was with my partner. I don't mean just sexually, but I had learned which gestures, touches, or expressions were important for him as a means of communicating my feelings. It was like learning a new language. Now that I can't see him I have to rely on verbal communication via telephone. We don't do video calls and he isn't a big fan of written conversations (text etc). It's very hard for me to express my feelings to him, not just about our relationship but about "How was you day?", in general. It's been a balancing act, that's for sure, and there's still no end in sight with our lockdown restrictions. I can't even visit him outdoors.

It's taken him a long time to understand my communication style and feel secure about my affection. I sincerely hope I don't mess it all up as this lockdown drags on, because it's harder and harder to have telephone chats instead of communicating through touch.

I'm not great at verbally expressing affection beyond saying "I love you," to people. I am a lot more touchy-feely, though there's still other ways I express affection that people don't seem to notice as expressions of affection, or they do notice but find them annoying sometimes.


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I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.


Mona Pereth
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05 May 2021, 3:04 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I do know that feelings towards people fluctuate and it's normal, I honestly didn't explain things well in the OP because I was confused about my feelings. After making this thread I've realized that I withdraw from people when I get close to them and kind of shutdown emotionally a bit, which is what I guess I was noticing when I made this thread.

Why do you think this happens?

For example, some people might withdraw after getting close to someone because they fear the possibility being hurt somehow by the person they have gotten close to. Other people might withdraw for other reasons.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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05 May 2021, 9:42 am

Avoidant attachment style

Reactive Attachment Disorder

"Thin line between love and hate"



HeroOfHyrule
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05 May 2021, 10:48 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Why do you think this happens?

For example, some people might withdraw after getting close to someone because they fear the possibility being hurt somehow by the person they have gotten close to. Other people might withdraw for other reasons.

I think I'm worried about being rejected/hurt emotionally by people. I haven't had great relationships with most people in my family, so getting close to people makes me uncomfortable and makes me expect something bad will happen. :?


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ArtsyFarsty
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21 May 2021, 10:01 pm

I’m not sure. Like, I have healthy attachments to people in my immediate circle (spouse, children, coworkers I see every day) but if someone is outside of that circle, it’s almost like they cease to exist and I “forget” about them.

I have a calendar preset to remind me to send a “check in” text to my mother every 21 days. If not, I will “forget” about her and she’ll think I’m mad at her or something. My brother every 60 days. I wonder why they wait for me to check in with them first; why can’t they initiate?