Not Sure How to Answer Certain Pleasantries

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mj1
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04 May 2021, 11:37 am

A conversation will usually go like this:
Other person: Hi
Me: Hi
Other Person: How's it going?
Me: Good, and you?

Is that the correct way to respond? It's taken me years to get that far.


I also have problems with online chats in this video game I play. When I enter the game server, there's a lobby where players wait until the next game starts. There's this one player who always starts a conversation with me like this:

Other player: Hello mj1!
Me: Hi
Other player: sup
Me: ???
Then I wait a minute, never respond, and disconnect from the server. I've been avoiding this guy for like a week because I don't know how to respond to "sup."

What the heck am I supposed to say?



Lunella
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04 May 2021, 11:44 am

It just means what's up as in what's going on in your life but in a hipster kind of way. You respond with "not much, you?" Or if you've been up to a lot of stuff just say "been busy with work, you?"

Also a better way when someone asks how's it going say "Really good thanks, how about you?" that gives it more care/empathy in the sentence. You're essentially thanking them for caring about you.


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HeroOfHyrule
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04 May 2021, 11:51 am

Yeah, "Sup" is just slang for "What's up?"

I also think the way you handle the first conversation is fine. You're answering their "How are you?" and then reciprocating by asking them back, which is all you really need to do.


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funeralxempire
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04 May 2021, 11:53 am

In that context 'looking to play game' is probably an appropriate response.


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Redd_Kross
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04 May 2021, 11:57 am

What's up? How are you? How ya doing? What you been up to? All right?

All basically mean the same thing. They're a greeting to show that your arrival has been noticed and people want to be friendly. On the other hand it's a pretty superficial question, not meant to be answered in depth. So most suitable for people who know you, but maybe not very deeply. Nonetheless it should be reciprocated in some way to prove that you too are being friendly and appreciate the gesture. The alternative is the coldness of no-one saying anything at all, which is a quick way to feel unwanted.

So you exchange pleasantries and then if someone wants to be more personal they'll ask a more specific question. How was your holiday? How are the kids? Is your brother still unwell? But obviously if they don't know your life to that extent, they won't be asking questions like that.



mj1
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04 May 2021, 12:16 pm

Thanks, I feel a bit better now.

But what bugs me is that I don't know when people are genuinely asking how I am and when I'm just supposed to be pleasant and say, "I'm good, how are you?"

As an example, I was very close to my great aunt. We'd tell each other all sort of things and could talk about absolutely nothing as we called it. But we'd call each other on the phone and she'd ask, "how are you?" and I never knew if she wanted to know how I honestly was or if this was just a pleasantry. I mean, I know she wanted to know how I honestly was, but I didn't know if I was supposed to tell her then or later on in the conversation.


Could I please get a little more help with how to respond to "sup." I could say, "I'm fine, ready to play. How about you?" But that seems incredibly stupid.

I have to say that many years ago, someone simply saying "hello" to me was enough to cause an anxiety attack. My mind just goes blank when people talk pleasantries or ask me certain questions.



HeroOfHyrule
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04 May 2021, 12:22 pm

mj1 wrote:
Thanks, I feel a bit better now.

But what bugs me is that I don't know when people are genuinely asking how I am and when I'm just supposed to be pleasant and say, "I'm good, how are you?"

As an example, I was very close to my great aunt. We'd tell each other all sort of things and could talk about absolutely nothing as we called it. But we'd call each other on the phone and she'd ask, "how are you?" and I never knew if she wanted to know how I honestly was or if this was just a pleasantry. I mean, I know she wanted to know how I honestly was, but I didn't know if I was supposed to tell her then or later on in the conversation.


Could I please get a little more help with how to respond to "sup." I could say, "I'm fine, ready to play. How about you?" But that seems incredibly stupid.

I have to say that many years ago, someone simply saying "hello" to me was enough to cause an anxiety attack. My mind just goes blank when people talk pleasantries or ask me certain questions.

When someone asks "How are you?" and they're someone who's a friend/family member/whatever, I give a short but honest answer, like, "I'm not really doing so great, how are you?" I do that because if someone wants me to actually go into further detail they'll ask me what happened, and it also starts a conversation if they do ask.

As for responding to "Sup," you could just say that you're doing good or that you're waiting to play the game, like someone else suggested. That's what I usually do.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


mj1
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04 May 2021, 2:17 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
When someone asks "How are you?" and they're someone who's a friend/family member/whatever, I give a short but honest answer, like, "I'm not really doing so great, how are you?" I do that because if someone wants me to actually go into further detail they'll ask me what happened, and it also starts a conversation if they do ask.



OMG! That's brilliant. I don't even know why that never occurred to me. :lol:



Redd_Kross
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04 May 2021, 4:42 pm

mj1 wrote:
Thanks, I feel a bit better now.

But what bugs me is that I don't know when people are genuinely asking how I am and when I'm just supposed to be pleasant and say, "I'm good, how are you?"

As an example, I was very close to my great aunt. We'd tell each other all sort of things and could talk about absolutely nothing as we called it. But we'd call each other on the phone and she'd ask, "how are you?" and I never knew if she wanted to know how I honestly was or if this was just a pleasantry. I mean, I know she wanted to know how I honestly was, but I didn't know if I was supposed to tell her then or later on in the conversation.


Could I please get a little more help with how to respond to "sup." I could say, "I'm fine, ready to play. How about you?" But that seems incredibly stupid.

I have to say that many years ago, someone simply saying "hello" to me was enough to cause an anxiety attack. My mind just goes blank when people talk pleasantries or ask me certain questions.


If someone doesn't really know you, then they're going to expect a pretty short answer, and normally positive. Simply because people don't normally tell strangers their problems, as that requires more trust.

With people you know REALLY well you can go into detail, provided you're prepared to listen to an equally detailed response :D You can also ask if you're not sure. Smile and ask "How much info would you like?"

It's hardest with people you kind of know, but not very well. I normally go for a half way deal, for example I'll say "Yeah I'm ok" and then give one or two examples of what's happened recently to justify why that's the case. "Ok" is handy because it's ambiguous, so you could use one good thing and one bad thing, or two mildly good or mildly bad things, and it's still accurate. But only a sentence or two.

Or I'll tell them what I'm doing if they don't already know "Yeah I'm ok, just on my way out shopping. How are you?"

It gives some information away, but not too much.



naturalplastic
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04 May 2021, 4:55 pm

The answer to the "question" "what's up?" (or its variant "sup?")is...oddly enough...:

also the phrase "What's up?". :lol:

Just say the same thing back to 'em, and theyre happy!

For that, and other answers...



cyberdad
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04 May 2021, 5:02 pm

A conversation will usually go like this:
Other person: Hi
Me: Hi
Other Person: How's it going?
Me: Good, and you?


At this point I would wait for the other person to respond.....

Other player: Hello mj1!
Me: Hi
Other player: sup
Me: ???


Me - Not much....complain complain complain :lol: