My current dating woes

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In the last month, I’ve experienced a couple of very painful dating failures that has me reassessing myself and whether or not I’m fit to ever be in a relationship.
A month ago, I met this girl on a dating app I liked quite a bit. She made it clear she was interested in me but didn’t know what to do with my extreme social anxiety. After a few dates, I decided to tell her about my autism, which she said wasn’t a big deal to her at all, that she could care less about. I also told her that I was still a virgin, something that really surprised her. The next day, she texted me and said that were not compatible unfortunately and that we were “simply at different places in life”. I think the extreme shyness coupled with the lack of sexual experience is what shot my chances with her to pieces.

A couple days later, I was contacted by another girl on a dating app, and she was absolutely AMAZING, totally beautiful - completely out of my league. She totally throws herself at me right away and tells me how amazing I am and what a handsome guy I am, and about all the activities she wants to do with me, she would constantly shower me with affirmation and validation, something I am NOT use to getting from women AT ALL. She would call me “Baby” and “Honey” right off the bat. She would call and text me at work and send me intimate pics of herself all the time. We talked all the time. Than we set up a date to meet in person and it went OK. I told her about my autism and just like the last girl, she said “So what? It just means you think differently than others. That’s not a bad thing”. After that date, things changed fast. I could tell that her interest level in me plummeted big time. Mine, of course did not. I was obsessed with her , and would worry if I hadn’t heard from her in several hours. All the sweet notes, and terms of endearment, and all that romantic stuff - went right out the door. I would ask what was going on and she said she had just been extremely busy with work (She works nights as an EMT). But it just kept going on and on. I figured if she was really interested in me, at some point she would show it, but it never happened. So I called her out on it and asked what was going on and she said “I’ve been extremely busy and overworked, but to be honest, the fact that you’ve been so attached to me is a bit off putting to me and I’m just not use to it”. I chose to be patient, but after a few days of not hearing from her, I decided to contact her again. She said she was having a hard time and that her mom was in the hospital. I told her I was really sorry and I was there if she needed anything. I waited another few days, and still hadn’t heard anything from her. So at this point I lost my patience and told her that she wasn’t making her intentions clear, that she shouldn’t be messing with people and making them think that she’s into them, and that I doubted her mom was even in the hospital”. The next day she sent me a picture of her mom in the ICU, and said she had been working nonstop in taking care of her mom and that she couldn’t believe I would accuse of lying about that. Long story short - I apologized to her sincerely, and she accepted it and said she understood it was difficult for me to understand what was going on, and that she was not trying to hurt me. I took that as a good sign, but days later, she still doesn’t talk to me. I’ve asked her how her mom was doing and that I was thinking about her. Nothing. I tried calling a few days ago, and she texted me simply saying “Sorry, I’m at work”. At this point I have just decided to give up completely. What puzzles me is that most women who aren’t interested in me usually just ghost me and block me from their phone. She never did that. I guess some women are different. I’ve had friends just say that she’s trying to be polite and hope I will get the picture. After about a month, I finally have. I have obsessed over her enough, thinking that there's no way I'll ever met a girl like this ever again. But it's just not worth all the pain it's caused me. I've cried for days over these women. I've never felt more emotional pain in my life.

Since then, I’ve went on date with a few different women casually. But they never contact me after the first date and usually block me out right. I am incredibly lonely but It’s at the point where I just don’t want to keep playing this game anymore. Women just aren’t interested in me, period. I've tried pretty girls. I've tried larger girls. I've dated moms. None of them like me. It just kills my self-esteem.


I’ve tried to discern when women are truly busy and when they’re just not interested, and it’s tough. But it comes down to this I think -
No girl in the history of dating has ever honestly said to any guy “You are the most amazing guy I’ve ever met, you are exactly who I’m looking for. I really wish I could be with you, if only my life wasn’t so damn busy”

The fact that you can get dates relatively easily means that your looks are probably not the issue UNLESS your photos don't represent what you look like in real life. (Example: You're fit in your photos but in real life, you're fat). Ugly men usually have a hard time even getting a date from online dating just because of the fact that this avenue is mostly focused on physical appearance.


So most likely, what's happening is that it's your behavior that is scaring girls away and not your looks.