I Did A Video Call With A Girl I Met On A Dating Site

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Muse933277
Sea Gull
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Joined: 13 Mar 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 239

13 May 2021, 12:26 am

I met a girl on an international filipino dating site and after about a month of texting her, I decided to set up a video call time with her and she agreed.

It went really bad.

For one thing, she showed up 15 minutes late, and then the next 5 minutes, her audio didn't even work. When we finally got the audio issues fixed, the conversation was really stale and flat and there were large moments of awkward silences between the two of us as we both didn't know what to say. When she did talk, her mic must have not been very good because I could barely even understand her.

She was not a very good conversation partner either as she would only give short answers to questions and never tried to keep the conversation going, which resulted in large amounts of awkward silence where neither of us said anything for a full 60 seconds. Maybe her English wasn't very good, although she does speak decent English through text. Maybe she was just very shy and socially awkward, or maybe she just wasn't interested in me and knew from the moment she saw me. Nevertheless, the entire video chat only lasted about 7-8 minutes before she lost connection and texted me that she had to go, but was potentially open about meeting again some other time.

I will admit that I have much stronger writing skills than speaking skills. I am a naturally shy and quiet person who isn't the greatest at communicating through speaking and body language, which is why I am a far better writer and texter. When I have to talk to someone one on one, I usually struggle with knowing what to say and keeping the conversation going unless the person is naturally very warm and outgoing. I need someone who's a little bit more friendly and extroverted than I am.


Hopefully the next girl I meet up with, it will go better.



aspiecoder
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Joined: 5 Mar 2021
Age: 39
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20 May 2021, 4:43 am

A technique I have used for video calls is to prepare a list of questions or topics that you can go to if the conversation dries up. As it happens I've rarely needed them, but I found that having the list in front of me (out of the camera view) reduced my anxiety a lot. There is almost certainly going to be a lot of anxiety on both sides for at least the first 2-3 calls, and being able to keep the ball rolling helps a lot.

In your case it sounds like maybe the connection wasn't there? Do you feel that the dynamic is the same when chatting via text as well? If someone takes a while to respond via text it might be that they're busy but it might also be that they had to think about what to say.

If the conversation feels forced and just never goes anywhere, then maybe you're just not well suited to each other. That's not a failing. That's why we date. Now, if you find that this is a recurring pattern across many dates, then you might want to practice some conversation skills but don't jump to that conclusion just on one example.



RightGalaxy
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23 May 2021, 7:40 pm

Why Filipina? Are you Filipino?



Minervx_2
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Joined: 22 May 2016
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Posts: 138

24 May 2021, 8:43 am

This is why video calls are useful. You get to screen the other person before the first date. If you and the other person aren't compatible at all, you'll know right away, so you don't waste time or money dating them.



Gentleman Argentum
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03 Jun 2021, 6:38 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
I met a girl on an international filipino dating site and after about a month of texting her, I decided to set up a video call time with her and she agreed.

It went really bad.

For one thing, she showed up 15 minutes late, and then the next 5 minutes, her audio didn't even work. When we finally got the audio issues fixed, the conversation was really stale and flat and there were large moments of awkward silences between the two of us as we both didn't know what to say. When she did talk, her mic must have not been very good because I could barely even understand her.

She was not a very good conversation partner either as she would only give short answers to questions and never tried to keep the conversation going, which resulted in large amounts of awkward silence where neither of us said anything for a full 60 seconds. Maybe her English wasn't very good, although she does speak decent English through text. Maybe she was just very shy and socially awkward, or maybe she just wasn't interested in me and knew from the moment she saw me. Nevertheless, the entire video chat only lasted about 7-8 minutes before she lost connection and texted me that she had to go, but was potentially open about meeting again some other time.

I will admit that I have much stronger writing skills than speaking skills. I am a naturally shy and quiet person who isn't the greatest at communicating through speaking and body language, which is why I am a far better writer and texter. When I have to talk to someone one on one, I usually struggle with knowing what to say and keeping the conversation going unless the person is naturally very warm and outgoing. I need someone who's a little bit more friendly and extroverted than I am.


Hopefully the next girl I meet up with, it will go better.


I don't recommend dating outside your country. You probably calculate that your odds are better at picking up an attractive woman, because she wants the U.S. citizenship, and you're right about that, but in the long run--she's using you and will desert you first opportunity she gets after she gets sworn in as a U.S. citizen.

:shameonyou:

Happens all the time, it's a racket, the foreign ladies line up and date American men just because they know the man will pay for everything and make them citizens.


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