How nice are you?

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I'm not self aware enough to know, so I tried the quiz.

Sounds like a bit of a wimp.
Think I'll check my veggie burgers for soy.

That uncertainty puts a damper on my heroics too. I'm a "slow but sure" thinker, so a lot of problems are over before I know what's going on. I knew an extravert who sorted out some minor road traffic problem - can't remember the details but it was something to do with an elderly pedestrian and a couple of cars - he just started directing the traffic, completely took command of the situation, and everybody did as he told them. Very bright and cheerful about it as well. I've often wished to be like that, but if I'd tried to emulate him, I'd have probably caused an accident. Strange thing was, the rest of the time, although he was usually confident and genial, he didn't particularly stand out as a leader, just one of the group really. I usually felt I could hold my own with him.

"Niceness"?

What a concept!

Don't worry, Fnord. I think you are exempt from this conversation!

Do you ever think you’re being nice when someone thinks you’re not?

Heck yes. I'd been busting my ass for months to help a friend, but I missed some details and got my PTSD started from being told off. The Golden Rule is not a good guide when others want what I wouldn't.

i am just kind enough to forestall god telling me to go to the devil.

In a way, yes. I don't think people are aware of the amount of discomfort they cause me, or how much of it I tolerate and say nothing about. I used to object a lot more to it, but I suppose they must have made it plain they thought me unreasonable for doing so. So these days I just wriggle out of having much to do with them if I think they're going to make me uncomfortable. Obviously if it's somebody I'm close to, I'm less likely to avoid them and more likely to confront them about the problem, which I try to do much more carefully than I ever used to.

I also don't think my humour always hits the spot. To my mind, I'm being nice by being funny or honest, but I probably tread on a lot of toes with it, without ever knowing it, because people are often too polite to give me the feedback I need about how I'm going down. I tend to show a lot of cynicism and use sarcasm and irony to express it economically, which probably comes over to some people as raining on the parade. It probably works on people who find the world as ludicrous a place as I do, but not otherwise.

I think I'm nice, but people don't seem to like spending time with me so I do sometimes wonder if I'm just not very nice.

^
I've heard that being too nice doesn't go down as well as might be imagined. I've seen a few theories about it leading to sudden outbursts of rage or (unconscious?) passive aggression (because I guess nobody is really that nice, and so their real wishes are going to surface somehow). I think there's some truth in that, but I suspect also that even with the most thoroughly and genuinely nice guy in the world, people just don't trust them or can't quite respect them somehow. I've heard it said that somebody who brings you nothing but good news can't possibly be telling you the truth. And there's also the self-deprecation angle - that if person A puts themselves last all the time, people will start to follow suit and put person A last. And I think coming over as perfect too much tends to make people think the nice one is making them look bad. A side effect of forgiving too readily is that it can guilt-trip the offender more than retaliation.

I can be very respectful of people’s space , for example, if the bike path gets cluttered with pedestrians I slow down more than the average cyclist would, esp around dogs, kids, and women with strollers.

Trouble is, it is common For other cyclists to pass me badly in these places.

Too much of this stuff gets me not nice, and possibly ptsd triggered.

I had an issue yesterday with a car blocking the bike lane for no reason I could see. After about 30 seconds of waiting, I went to go around the cars left side, and the car started going at the same time I did, which made it hard for me to get Back into the bike lane.

There was a red light shortly after this and I yelled very loudly pointing at the car. “Wake the f**k up” about 3 times

I couldn’t see in the car and now I feel bad and hope it wasn’t some poor old lady.

This was actually the least bad incident regarding cars blocking the bike lane and then doing boneheaded stuff when I try to go around them, so that’s another reason I feel bad for losing it.

One guy was blocking a downhill bike path for the sole reason of getting closer to the pedestrians using a crosswalk parallel to the bike path, to rush them.

I knocked on his car like one would knock on a door, he did back up to let me do, but then started honking his horn madly

I did better that time and just said “don’t start honking now, you’re the idiot”

One time in rush hour traffic a guy with a lifted pickup truck passed my bicycle rather closely, only to be caught at the next red light. I said nothing about the danger to myself. Instead, I gave the whole intersection a top-volume, very graphic description of the blood and guts and mangled metal and bone he could have been picking out of his wheelwell. He looked rather nauseous. I kept an eye on the cross traffic light, and finished off with "And that's not even to mention the PAPERWORK!!"

A tad harsh if it was a sweet little old wrinkly, but I think it was more socially valuable than just letting the matter go. I thoroughly approve of calling out inconsiderate and dangerous road users. With a bit of luck it might make them think twice before they do it again. Yet another way in which being less than nice can be good for the world. Cruel to be kind.

I figure riding with a GoPro or two will help a lot, If I had a site called “youdrivelikeafucktard.com”, I could post the vids there.

While agree dealing with it when it happens has a place and may get more results, I think the vid site would be less stressful for me.

My friends call me Sweet Pea. That's how nice I am.

People do tend to describe as a nice person. Indeed, I am usually kind to others and treat them the way I wish to be treated. I have a strong belief in doing the right thing.