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Mountain Goat
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20 May 2021, 4:25 am

amykitten wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
I prefer to buy lunch but I won't say no.


Next time I cross the seven bridge I'll buy you lunch :D


Thanks. :D



Benjamin the Donkey
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20 May 2021, 7:53 am

I'd have no problem with it at all. Why should I?


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PhosphorusDecree
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20 May 2021, 8:10 am

This happens 50% of the times I meet one particular friend. The other 50% I pay. (shrug.)


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Fnord
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20 May 2021, 8:16 am

Whoever does the inviting pays the bill.


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GuilhermeBraga
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20 May 2021, 8:38 am

Depending on what the lunch is I accept



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 May 2021, 12:18 pm

Fnord wrote:
Whoever does the inviting pays the bill.


It's not always an invitation.

If a friend told friends "let's go out and eat", then it's not someone inviting others, otherwise he/she will have to pay for all their foods.

Why if it's dating then it magically becomes one inviting the other? maybe one told the other: "Let's go eat out together". That's not inviting.

Invitation among friends is ALWAYS explicit : "I invite you to this restaurant for dinner", in my entire life no friend assumed that I am inviting them (or the other way around) unless it is explicitly worded in that way.

But for some reason, if a man suggests to a woman to go eat out together = invitation; even if the word invite hasn't even been mentioned. :roll:


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Fnord
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20 May 2021, 12:35 pm

Oh, sure, Boo; we could go into a lot of detail about the nuances of of a polite society; but I addressed only one aspect: One person inviting another person to a meal at a restaurant, and nothing more.  In group situation, social protocol rapidly becomes more complex, and depends on relationships between the speaker and those who hear the "invitation".

In other words, it is complicated.


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Double Retired
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20 May 2021, 12:38 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
How do you feel about a female friend buying you lunch?
I would think the important thing is that there be no confusion about whether it is being friendly or a signal of possibly wanting to be more than just friendly. Either way I'd be pleased (though, I'm an Aspie, so if it was a signal I'd also be confused).

Like you, I'm in my 60s so I understand why the concept seems novel.


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PhosphorusDecree
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21 May 2021, 6:39 am

Fnord wrote:
Oh, sure, Boo; we could go into a lot of detail about the nuances of of a polite society; but I addressed only one aspect: One person inviting another person to a meal at a restaurant, and nothing more.  In group situation, social protocol rapidly becomes more complex, and depends on relationships between the speaker and those who hear the "invitation".

In other words, it is complicated.


I have friends who seem to operate on those rules, and other friends where it's something else again. I've given up trying to generalise and now sort it out on a case-by-case basis. Groups are actually simpler in my age-range: it defaults to "everyone pays for their own." But if that's not the case for other cohorts, that might explain some awkward end-of-night confusion I've experienced....


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nomad48
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22 May 2021, 1:13 am

I would think this woman must really like me, it doesn't happen to me often.



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23 May 2021, 4:49 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
How do you feel about a female friend buying you lunch?


Depends...If I'm not attracted to her I don't have a problem



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23 May 2021, 4:50 pm

Fnord wrote:
Whoever does the inviting pays the bill.


If only that were true



Fnord
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24 May 2021, 12:29 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Whoever does the inviting pays the bill.
If only that were true
You must live in a very sad place.


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AquaineBay
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24 May 2021, 12:53 pm

I would feel grateful that she bought me lunch. As long as we know that it's a friendly gesture then that wouldn't be a problem. If it was something more I probably wouldn't notice it anyway so I would hope it was just that!



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26 May 2021, 11:51 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
How do you feel about a female friend buying you lunch?
I'd feel grateful, and make sure to thank her at the end. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Unless I picked up on specific behaviors, like flirting, I'd attribute it to her being generous and leave it at that. I'd also feel slightly obligated to reciprocate the gesture at a later time, but I'd cross that bridge when I got there. (I'm male.)



bottleblank
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26 May 2021, 12:30 pm

Same as if it were a male friend. I tend to prefer to buy my own just for simplicity's sake, but if somebody buys for me then I'll keep it in mind to return the favour when the opportunity arises. I'll keep the cost sensible both because I don't want to take advantage and because I'm easily pleased, I wouldn't buy myself an extravagant meal and I wouldn't expect anybody else to buy me one either.

Fnord wrote:
Whoever does the inviting pays the bill.


If that were always the case then, especially with the traditional expectation that men are always to ask women out and not the other way around, men who are trying to date would spend a lot of money and women would spend none. Some expect this to be true, I do not. Even amongst friends, aside from dating, I don't expect to have my meal or drinks paid for by somebody else if they ask if I'd like to go out (or vice versa), it's purely an invitation to attend a place together, not a financial arrangement. Could you imagine how much it would cost to seek friends or potential partners if you were looking to meet new people and you had to always pay because you were the one reaching out to expand your social circle? That opens up doors to being taken advantage of too, and some might see it as trying to buy company.

I don't mind offering to buy somebody a drink or something, it's a trivial cost, but I won't accept being expected to hand out free lunches just because society says I'm supposed to be the "leader" in the relationship. I think to prevent unnecessary arguments/bad feeling it's best to just order what you can afford and then pay for what you ate, unless somebody says "I'll get this" at the end with the full knowledge of what it will cost, otherwise even going 50/50 is going to allow room for abuse of generosity if somebody orders the gold leaf and champagne lobster and the other orders a bacon sandwich.

I'm not a tightwad, I have it in me to be generous (and sometimes I like to, as a gesture of friendliness), but I may not always be flush with cash or necessarily interested in offering it, so making assumptions only leads to embarassment. Nobody owes anybody anything (unless they explicitly do because they borrowed money or something), I think it's always best to keep that in mind.