Does Anyone Else Just NOT Do Online Dating?

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Oathdagger96
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29 May 2021, 3:13 am

Did it for a while and just quit it last year. It was a dead end for me. I just prefer meeting people in person. Which is good because I put more effort into socializing and improve my social skills in the process. Besides, online dating is more akin to window shopping than actually purchasing something, pardon my analogy lol



HeroOfHyrule
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29 May 2021, 12:06 pm

I've never used dating sites, but I've made a couple friends online that I eventually had romantic relationships with.

Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).


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Gentleman Argentum
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30 May 2021, 3:49 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've never used dating sites, but I've made a couple friends online that I eventually had romantic relationships with.

Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).


Did you share nudes? :lol:

That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt. :lol:

The Internet never forgets! :bigsmurf:


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HeroOfHyrule
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30 May 2021, 5:59 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've never used dating sites, but I've made a couple friends online that I eventually had romantic relationships with.

Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).


Did you share nudes? :lol:

That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt. :lol:

The Internet never forgets! :bigsmurf:

No. lol

I don't think I'd ever even take a nude picture of myself. I think having that stuff on a phone/computer is just a bad idea, even if you don't send it to anyone.


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I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


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31 May 2021, 5:17 am

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've never used dating sites, but I've made a couple friends online that I eventually had romantic relationships with.

Honestly, I never want to have another long distance relationship, especially not one with someone I met online. In my experience trying to get out of a relationship like that is hell, partly because the kind of people willing to date online are usually desperate, and may be desperate enough to try to manipulate others into staying in relationships with them (that's not a dig at anyone who likes dating online, by the way, but that's my experience...).


Did you share nudes? :lol:

That's one thing I've never done, but from what I understand, the younger generations have a more open-minded view on that sort of thing. I'd be hesitant even to unbutton my shirt. :lol:

The Internet never forgets! :bigsmurf:

No. lol

I don't think I'd ever even take a nude picture of myself. I think having that stuff on a phone/computer is just a bad idea, even if you don't send it to anyone.


Very good. :bigsmurf:

Your grade: A+ :cherry:

Keep up the good thinking, young man! :D


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31 May 2021, 5:40 am

CollegeGirlAnon wrote:
Like I have done it once, and tbh I have in the past thought about meeting someone I talk with online.

And tbh I have never gone through with it except for one time. Just because I tend to think about the safety implications.

To me there is just no way of knowing who you are really talking to online. And what exactly they are like.

Emotions often get intense online as well, so people get emotionally attached to someone they don’t really know (I really don’t myself tbh).

To me there is no way to know if someone is, say, a rapist/abusive or not based off of talking to them online. And if they have gotten you emotionally attached to them while talking online it is easier for them to become abusive when you meet IRL.

Anyone else like this?


No, honestly I am not sure how I would have met a boyfriend without using dating sites. To me felt safer to talk to someone a little bit before going to physically meet them. Of course not fool proof I still got various disappointments first but then I did meet my boyfriend and we've been together close to like 6 years now.

But yeah I just don't know if I would have been as successful in getting a relationship finally by avoiding that, to me it seemed like a miraculous work around. Like it was an option outside of just going outside and hoping a guy who could be a potential relationship partner would just notice me out of the blue and make a move.

But also I didn't get attached to guys before meeting, I was never into like even attempting a long distance relationship over online. I speicially used the dating site as a tool to talk to guys before meeting them, but yeah I rejected any and all attempts of like anything long distance because for me at least it was important to meet people who where possible to actually physically meet because to me it felt like without a physical meeting of actually seeing the person in person face to face, it couldn't be real. I figured you can't actually have a real relationship just online with a person you've never met in person. So yeah I did not online date anyone on the dating site, just used it as a way to talk a little first before meeting in person.


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Muse933277
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03 Jun 2021, 10:16 am

Tinder works best for men who are an 8+ in the looks department. If you're a 6 or 7, you could be successful if you put in the work and are willing to deal with a lot of rejection before being successful.

If you're a 5 or below, don't even bother signing up. You simply won't get enough matches so even getting a date is going to be very very hard.




If you're a woman, just be under 300 pounds, and you'll get a date no problem.



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03 Jun 2021, 10:23 am

No. I don't use them. I'm not a product to be consumed.



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03 Jun 2021, 6:21 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Tinder works best for men who are an 8+ in the looks department. If you're a 6 or 7, you could be successful if you put in the work and are willing to deal with a lot of rejection before being successful.

If you're a 5 or below, don't even bother signing up. You simply won't get enough matches so even getting a date is going to be very very hard.




If you're a woman, just be under 300 pounds, and you'll get a date no problem.


This is accurate, although you neglect age. Women usually post a profile picture from 10+ years ago. I have seriously seen photos from 2003, 2001 in the past few weeks.

The dating sites truly are time-wasters, but they are better than nothing, and it is possible to get in touch with some cool people. Just lower your expectations. I am talking both about looks and about behavior. Also, don't log in every day, and don't put too much effort into messaging women. Put effort into your profile and your profile pictures. That is the most important thing of all.

If you don't sound good and look good, ain't nobody gonna message you. :afro:

Also - don't expect to hit it off with more than 1 woman every 3-4 months. That is more or less my rate. I just accept that there will be dry spells, weekends with no phone call and no date.

I'm in love again, even. :heart: but this time have learned more about how to manage that emotion.


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scapino
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06 Jun 2021, 8:58 pm

I've tried and failed with online dating numerous times, now I claim I've given it up but we'll see if that lasts. :lol:

It is challenging. On one hand, online dating is meant to make intentions clear from the start, so theoretically if you were seeking out a relationship on an app meant for relationships you should have better luck than others. However, people are much more complicated than that and seem to have varying degrees of interest compounded by the varying degrees of how much interest you're "supposed to" show.

Ambiguity of relationships is always a challenge, so maybe online dating is not necessarily worse but just a different type of tough (for me!).

There are also incredible risks in meeting people online and when you meet someone under the pretense of some sort of romantic encounter, there's the risk of mistakenly conveying the wrong idea about what level of physical / sexual intimacy you may expect. Or worse, there's the risk that they don't care at all about your boundaries.

Sorry, I feel weird having said all that. Point being, you aren't the only one who doesn't do online dating! I'm hoping that soon I'll be more comfortable with meeting people and possibly pursuing a relationship, but an app isn't part of my plan. :)



christinejarvis21
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28 Aug 2021, 11:42 pm

I have tried but it hasn't worked out for me. But, the only problem is that I really don't go out much and have some social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety so having a lot of friends and making new friends in person is hard for me because I get very bad anxiety around big groups of people or meeting a new person.



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29 Aug 2021, 12:50 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
MaxE wrote:
I got married too long ago to have ever done it, but I have seen WP members find partners for LTRs on line. In both specific cases I can think of I believe both used OK Cupid. Also in both cases the partners were local. I get a bad impression about Tinder. I think some people got good results from that when it first came out but now I most only hear about bad experiences.


No offence taken! I didn't think you were contradicting me, and I knew that you meant WP members had met their partners on regular dating sites. That's awesome! I'm just very shy, and traumatised, and I wouldn't have the balls to try it.

When you mentioned WP it made me realise that there are couples who were both members on here. Even though there can be predatory behaviour on a forum, in my opinion it's still safer than a dating site. We kind of all know each other here, and there are moderators we trust. I assume most people on here talk on the open public forum for quite a while before talking privately or meeting. I think if one of our members really screwed someone around, or abused them, they'd have to answer to us all. We all kind of have each other's back and there's more accountability. Mods can also check IP addresses and ferret out any trolls and creeps. It seems like a bit more of a safety net (in my opinion) than traditional dating sites where the people seem to come and go more anonymously.

Your post made me stop and realise that I should rephrase my answer.
The 3 girlfriends I had I met on online forums, the latter two were this one. I tried LOTS of dating sites out & I didn't even get so much as a single date. I am of those people who makes horrible 1st impressions offline & online in general. It's very rare that I find someone willing to give me a real chance & would try to meet me halfway with things. It's very hard for me to socialize offline, especially where my parents live. I cant drive & the area was kinda ruralish. There was pretty much nothing within a decent walking distance where I could meet people & socialize & there wasn't really a public transportation system there either. Both my parents worked & they made me feel guilty for needing them to take me anywhere unless I was working. Plus there was not much in the extended area that I wanted to do offline where I could socialize & meet people. Most all my interests are things to do at home & I'm horrible at pretending to like something I hate. Nothing ever happened despite me asking women out that I met through work or other methods nor did asking people to set me up. Meeting women online was about the only way I had to get a relationship. I also really hated where I lived & was very willing to relocate.

I do agree that forums can potentially be safer than dating sites & that there can be LOTS of risk involved with meeting people online in general. However there can be LOTS of risk meeting people offline as well. I seen lots of real life crime shows & mysteries where couples had met offline & one of them was a con-artist or black-widow. I also known various people who had met their partners offline by various methods & their partner was an abuser & user who majorly screwed them over & hurt them.


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29 Aug 2021, 4:34 am

Btw as you were talking about risk factor for girls, I can't imagine how it is to be a girl because I'm a dude but I think you're right to be better safe than sorry. In that regard I think you should watch the Netflix show "clickbait" (if you like crime drama of course) because it has something to do with dating apps - not gonna do anymore spoilers.



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29 Aug 2021, 9:49 am

Online dating works great for me. I don't know about you guys, but if it were not for online dating, I would never go out on dates at all.

When you work full-time and have at lot of at-home interests and hobbies, there is not much time left over for "go to bar and wait for something to happen night after night." That is great idea for the grossly obese who love sitting in place in a chair all night long cradling a glass but I am more active.


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29 Aug 2021, 4:53 pm

Chummy wrote:
Btw as you were talking about risk factor for girls, I can't imagine how it is to be a girl because I'm a dude but I think you're right to be better safe than sorry. In that regard I think you should watch the Netflix show "clickbait" (if you like crime drama of course) because it has something to do with dating apps - not gonna do anymore spoilers.
There is still a risk factor for guys meeting people online thou in general there is still probably less risk for guys than woman. The Investigation Discovery channel had a real life crime show called Web Of Lies about people who ended up having serious problems from meeting people online. Some of the times the victims were just looking for friends instead of a romantic relationship. They were not all used for sex either & some of the victims were guys. Some of the perps are extremely sick in the head.


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29 Aug 2021, 5:05 pm

I’m on two dating sites, Badoo & OkCupid, I’m thinking of getting off OkCupid. I met someone on Badoo, he said he is a doctor, we met a week ago. I’m talking to another guy on there.


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