Does Anyone Else Just NOT Do Online Dating?

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hurtloam
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11 Sep 2021, 5:16 am

King0fSpades wrote:
I've never done dating PERIOD. I just dont like people. It's not that I'm Asexual, it's just that I think relationships and marriage is more trouble than it is worth in today's world.


I'm beginning to feel like that. I have a handful of friends who are low maintenance and really enjoyable to spend time with. I've learned what kind of people to avoid and don't waste time on folk who drain me or cause drama.

I've tried dating type relationships and it's just hard work. You don't get the same kind of comfortable friendship and comradere and fun you do with real friends. It's constantly being assessed, misunderstood and judged. No thank you.



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13 Sep 2021, 5:18 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
I never heard of Badoo but maybe it's great.

I was on OKCupid. I bought a membership, it wasn't worth it at all. I am glad I only paid for 6 months. I quit the site before membership expired, it just seemed a waste of time. I did go on one date that was not so great. Otherwise wasted a lot of time texting back and forth to women that never wanted to meet. they just want to text lots of guys and feel better about themselves.
I never heard of it either but it's been like 10 years since I used any dating sites. I think OKC was completely free when I used it. I paid for lots of other dating sites thou & I never met anybody offline & even didn't really chat with anyone unless the site had a forum. The people I chatted with on forums on dating sites were wanting friends, wanting to express support, or they wanted info about things that was unrelated to considering me for a potential relationship. There tends to be a much higher ratio of guys on dating sites than woman which creates a system where the women are like employers & the guys are like job seekers.


^this is all true

I especially like your analogy in the last sentence, women are the employers, and guys are the job seekers.

I don't put up with nonsense from women online. If they give me static about things I can't change, like my bi past, my location, or that I occasionally go to a massage therapist, or my age (*I only date women close to my age however), then I'm out. I will unMatch them so fast. I try to forget them as well, with mixed success, but I think as time goes on, the forgetting part gets easier.

Sorry that you haven't had much luck. I have had more luck in terms of going on first dates, but other than that we are about equal.


Badoo dating app has photo verified.



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14 Sep 2021, 12:00 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Badoo dating app has photo verified.


That's cool, I mean I put my photos on my profiles and have not been "tricked" yet by any lady, although plenty of times, on a date, I discover the lady looks about 5 to 10 years older than her profile picture.


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Kitty4670
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17 Sep 2021, 6:52 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Badoo dating app has photo verified.


That's cool, I mean I put my photos on my profiles and have not been "tricked" yet by any lady, although plenty of times, on a date, I discover the lady looks about 5 to 10 years older than her profile picture.



Badoo dating site don’t like catfish, there still fake guys there, at least you will know.

You are my age, I’m 51 too.



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18 Sep 2021, 2:44 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Badoo dating app has photo verified.


That's cool, I mean I put my photos on my profiles and have not been "tricked" yet by any lady, although plenty of times, on a date, I discover the lady looks about 5 to 10 years older than her profile picture.



Badoo dating site don’t like catfish, there still fake guys there, at least you will know.

You are my age, I’m 51 too.


Yes, but I'm not so presumptuous as to assume any lady on a forum is interested in dating me. And then there's that thing about what do we look like and where are we located. Location is huge. A few women I have dated complain about driving even an hour. That is often a sign things will not work out.

Obviously, looks matter a lot. I am not that picky in my opinion, I just want a normal woman, around my age (+/- 5 years), that is careful with what she eats, gets some physical exercise, and is not fat. American women have a big problem with the fat, it is because of all the processed foods, and the fact many of them have to work desk jobs. I sympathize, but still have a preference.

I read women in online forums that complain this prejudice against fat women is unfair, but it is based on a non-rational, sexual desire that is not easily circumvented in any way. If it were just a case of a rational preference like preferring Honda cars over Ford cars, but only Ford cars are for sale at a good price, then yes, I could buy a Ford car and be happy with it. However this is about physical, irrational desire. That is difficult to control or modify. Maybe not impossible, but I don't see a lot of people able to do it.

I have other qualities I look for, even more important: does she have a job or other income, does she support herself, or does she need me for a base financial motive. I want someone independent, that is not going to be interested in my credit cards. I never, ever want to share money. Although I have made exceptions for the first date, in general, I want her to pay half on any date we go on. So this is huge and really cuts out a lot of prospects, the truth is that women have used men for money since time began. But nowadays, women often make more money than the man.

The other thing is I would like the woman to be keen on me. That is something I look for in the women I date. If I find that they seem ambivalent or playing hard to get, as some women do, making excuses why we can't date, making excuses why she can't talk on the phone (incessant text-messaging annoys me), not wanting to spend time together, or treat me badly, I interpret that as she is not right for me. I cut things off. I tell them Goodbye. I finally have enough strength and confidence to do that and not be concerned about being lonely.

I do not know why, but some women have trouble cutting things off with me, they want to keep me on the shelf as the safe option, friend-zone me, just in case things don't work out with Mr. Crazy they are dating instead of me. I remove myself from the shelf. I don't want to be their safe option. They can stay with Mr. Crazy. If they are not keen on me when we date then I don't see that ever happening. My looks are not going to improve any, I am getting older all the time. Now or never.

The other thing is, she has got to be compatible. I hate extroverts. I want someone that is not going to drive me crazy dragging me to one social event after another. I like staying at home. I have hobbies, interests, and like writing obviously. She has got to be brainy and be able to discuss things. Hopefully she has some intellectual and spiritual interests that are reasonably compatible with my own. I swipe left on alcoholics and women that mention football or baseball. I don't want to tune in to the big game and drink a lot of beer, because I would have to drink beer in order to find the game remotely interesting, and I am not going to drink ever again in this life, not even a drop.

Hopefully some spiritual interests. Some women talk about nothing but Jesus in their profile. For real. I wonder to myself, why don't you date Jesus? I just do not understand the mindset of mentioning Jesus in every paragraph on a dating profile. I guess they feel like it will filter out the men just wanting quick sex. People use Christianity as some kind of morality filter but it doesn't always work quite they way they want. I may not want to go to her church and believe all the things she believes, I have my own belief and she may not approve theologically. Ironically, there is no one less tolerant of a Christian than another Christian, with a slightly different theology. The agnostics could care less.

I know, tl;dr, but sometimes I'm like that.


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20 Sep 2021, 4:27 am

I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.



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20 Sep 2021, 6:29 am

Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.


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29 Dec 2021, 4:11 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


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29 Dec 2021, 5:55 pm

Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


You replied to a message I wrote shortly before a woman messaged me out of the blue on Reddit. I was suspicious at first and tried to weed her out straightaway, but she persisted and proved to be everything that she said she was, and much more, indeed the best woman I have ever known. I am completely in love :heart: now and have been so for several months now.

Neither of us are greedy or selfish. Instead, I try to be generous, and she does, too. For example: recently we met. I bought our plane tickets, she paid for the hotel and the food. Fair is fair. When I give her things, she reimburses me their value, so that I never feel like she is taking advantage. She is completely independent, and her integrity is beyond reproach. I just feel lucky to be alive and to have her love.

We are also about the same age, which I think helps in relationships. When there is age disparity, the younger partner tends to look for compensation $omehow.

I just think where one partner is paying the way, it is not a smooth dynamic, eventually something has got to give, there comes a time when motives are evaluated and questioned, like what would happen if the money flow ceased or greatly reduced? At what point does a partner actually become just a hired companion?

The greatest thing is when two people are completely independent and get together for absolutely no material reason, but just because they like each other's company, are great friends and love spending time with one another. It is the modern way of relationships.


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nick007
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30 Dec 2021, 7:27 am

Rexi wrote:
I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.
Haven't you been on this forum long enough to know that some of the biggest complainers about being single & others judging them unfairly are also some of the pickiest & most judgemental of others :? I'm not saying the person you were referring to is or that most of the other complainers are like that but it is a common thing here. I kinda feel like it's a waist of my time & effort trying to explain it to them because we just go round in circles debating.


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02 Jan 2022, 12:31 am

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


You replied to a message I wrote shortly before a woman messaged me out of the blue on Reddit. I was suspicious at first and tried to weed her out straightaway, but she persisted and proved to be everything that she said she was, and much more, indeed the best woman I have ever known. I am completely in love :heart: now and have been so for several months now.

Neither of us are greedy or selfish. Instead, I try to be generous, and she does, too. For example: recently we met. I bought our plane tickets, she paid for the hotel and the food. Fair is fair. When I give her things, she reimburses me their value, so that I never feel like she is taking advantage. She is completely independent, and her integrity is beyond reproach. I just feel lucky to be alive and to have her love.

We are also about the same age, which I think helps in relationships. When there is age disparity, the younger partner tends to look for compensation $omehow.

I just think where one partner is paying the way, it is not a smooth dynamic, eventually something has got to give, there comes a time when motives are evaluated and questioned, like what would happen if the money flow ceased or greatly reduced? At what point does a partner actually become just a hired companion?

The greatest thing is when two people are completely independent and get together for absolutely no material reason, but just because they like each other's company, are great friends and love spending time with one another. It is the modern way of relationships.

That last thing doesnt require financial independence. People dont necessarily have to use your money if they don't have a job. Theyre not necessarily inclusive.

Modern way? What about people who dont have a job like me? Do we not exist in the modern times? I'd argue we do a lot more now than before, especially in my country, job security is very low.


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02 Jan 2022, 4:09 am

I found it was a great new way to be disappointed. But, I'd rather meet dishonest people in real life.



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02 Jan 2022, 4:17 am

Most of my dating has been with online people, some of it has been positive, some of it a s**t storm.

I am working my way up to the confidence of dating within in-person, social venues.



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03 Jan 2022, 11:42 am

Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


You replied to a message I wrote shortly before a woman messaged me out of the blue on Reddit. I was suspicious at first and tried to weed her out straightaway, but she persisted and proved to be everything that she said she was, and much more, indeed the best woman I have ever known. I am completely in love :heart: now and have been so for several months now.

Neither of us are greedy or selfish. Instead, I try to be generous, and she does, too. For example: recently we met. I bought our plane tickets, she paid for the hotel and the food. Fair is fair. When I give her things, she reimburses me their value, so that I never feel like she is taking advantage. She is completely independent, and her integrity is beyond reproach. I just feel lucky to be alive and to have her love.

We are also about the same age, which I think helps in relationships. When there is age disparity, the younger partner tends to look for compensation $omehow.

I just think where one partner is paying the way, it is not a smooth dynamic, eventually something has got to give, there comes a time when motives are evaluated and questioned, like what would happen if the money flow ceased or greatly reduced? At what point does a partner actually become just a hired companion?

The greatest thing is when two people are completely independent and get together for absolutely no material reason, but just because they like each other's company, are great friends and love spending time with one another. It is the modern way of relationships.

That last thing doesnt require financial independence. People dont necessarily have to use your money if they don't have a job. Theyre not necessarily inclusive.

Modern way? What about people who dont have a job like me? Do we not exist in the modern times? I'd argue we do a lot more now than before, especially in my country, job security is very low.


I do not know how things are in Romania. Do what you gotta do. I do think that the cost of living is probably a lot lower in Romania and other European countries, but I do not know how you make a living over there. Sometimes I fantasize about living in Spain, or Ireland where money goes a lot farther. That would make for an exciting retirement, especially because I am a history buff.

Hope things turn up for you somehow, perhaps the ticket is to find someone that will help you out after all. Perhaps you will be kind enough to accept their being older or having other disadvantages in exchange for what they can offer in security & opportunity. That happens every day and on the Internet it is easy to connect with someone, even from a different country as you no doubt are aware. A lot of people in the world are lonely and really crave a friendship and even better a companion, and it seems that you have a lot of love to give, so the potential is there.


_________________
Just a few of my favorite things: music, chess, weather.


Rexi
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Joined: 3 Sep 2017
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Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."

08 Jan 2022, 9:56 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


You replied to a message I wrote shortly before a woman messaged me out of the blue on Reddit. I was suspicious at first and tried to weed her out straightaway, but she persisted and proved to be everything that she said she was, and much more, indeed the best woman I have ever known. I am completely in love :heart: now and have been so for several months now.

Neither of us are greedy or selfish. Instead, I try to be generous, and she does, too. For example: recently we met. I bought our plane tickets, she paid for the hotel and the food. Fair is fair. When I give her things, she reimburses me their value, so that I never feel like she is taking advantage. She is completely independent, and her integrity is beyond reproach. I just feel lucky to be alive and to have her love.

We are also about the same age, which I think helps in relationships. When there is age disparity, the younger partner tends to look for compensation $omehow.

I just think where one partner is paying the way, it is not a smooth dynamic, eventually something has got to give, there comes a time when motives are evaluated and questioned, like what would happen if the money flow ceased or greatly reduced? At what point does a partner actually become just a hired companion?

The greatest thing is when two people are completely independent and get together for absolutely no material reason, but just because they like each other's company, are great friends and love spending time with one another. It is the modern way of relationships.

That last thing doesnt require financial independence. People dont necessarily have to use your money if they don't have a job. Theyre not necessarily inclusive.

Modern way? What about people who dont have a job like me? Do we not exist in the modern times? I'd argue we do a lot more now than before, especially in my country, job security is very low.


I do not know how things are in Romania. Do what you gotta do. I do think that the cost of living is probably a lot lower in Romania and other European countries, but I do not know how you make a living over there. Sometimes I fantasize about living in Spain, or Ireland where money goes a lot farther. That would make for an exciting retirement, especially because I am a history buff.

Hope things turn up for you somehow, perhaps the ticket is to find someone that will help you out after all. Perhaps you will be kind enough to accept their being older or having other disadvantages in exchange for what they can offer in security & opportunity. That happens every day and on the Internet it is easy to connect with someone, even from a different country as you no doubt are aware. A lot of people in the world are lonely and really crave a friendship and even better a companion, and it seems that you have a lot of love to give, so the potential is there.

I'm with r00tb33r, if you remember, like I was before, except now we're exclusive. We are engaged after we met in Vienna and spent 9 days together.

I wasn't looking for a relationship because of my mental issues. Relationships have always stood in the way of my happiness and made my life even harder and more impossible than it already was, deeming me unable to fix my issues. I made extremely bad choices for mates. The reason why I was poly was in a last attempt to make something work for me and avoid getting overly involved because that brings many issues with it. But this time I'm lucky, in such nature that it actually improves my issues, and I can have a monogamous relationship.

I've never considered the costs and have always worried about the guy spending because I know a lot of men complain about that. They make lots of money and go on dates but theyre never happy. To me a date on a bench makes me feel more free from a crowd which is eating and talking, I dont prefer restaurants before parks.

It goes against my value to live off of people for their money, even if it's to be accepted in relationships to be sharing and accepting help. I don't choose not to be successful, I want to be. My aim was always not to be labeled and put on special pension even though mom wanted it to be arranged. I wanted to seek my success the long hard way and I wanted to earn my money like normal people do, I can' be only the person who is taken care of, there must be so much more I am good at and can do in life. I have very strong values generally about myself, my choices and the way my life is supposed to be. But I very much struggle accomplishing them. I've always dreamt to be independent and untied by people, I would not care and make my own choices in life and do whatever I wanted. I'm a free bird at heart.

I've often looked at money and rich people with disgust (maybe influenced of my religious indoctrination but after giving up religion too) and it never helped me in life because money is important but I struggled caring to make them and judging people is unfair. The rich people don't really understand many things. But there's something special about r00tb33r, he doesn't stupidly spend and is careful about expenses, but also is not greedy and recognizes necessities. To say so i much appreciate his gifts over like bouquets of flowers, or expensive jewelry regardless of my interest in gems and metals, he really knows what a woman needs. And he is much more than his money, he has a kind and loving nature, and conflict and issue resolution like i've never thought exists. Besides all this he is really lovable and fun and happy so its so good to have him in my life, he also likes to have fun. I was also lucky enough to be the one who he lost his virginity with, too. I tend to value stats of people whom society looks down upon for no reason, and virgins have value in many ways to me. Despite being a virgin, he's also the best, I'd say that's a very impressive stat. He's really smart, gentle, creative and productive, despite the challenges of being on the spectrum and everything else.


_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart: x :heart:

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.


Rexi
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User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."

08 Jan 2022, 10:33 pm

Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Gentleman Argentum wrote:
Foxmanrox wrote:
I've been using dating apps and stuff for years and i wish i didn't want it or feel the need for it. I only had one gf and that was because fetlife. But because i don't know how to socialize without a "reference sheet" of interests and i need to see if there's common interests otherwise i can't.


I like dating apps, saves me time and bother. Otherwise, I would never meet any single, compatible, good-looking women, ever. So far, I have met single, good-looking women, just none were compatible, they want something different (usually closer, richer, 100% hetero, or quite often, younger--the 40+ women are eyeballing the twentysomething boys) or else I want something different (fit, fun, independent financially, smart, open-minded).

I am looking for the last date, someone to settle down with, not a bunch of meaningless sexual conquests going to give me a disease to keep me scratching in my golden years. But some women my age see things different, they want young men 18 - 25 to make believe they themselves are young women again. Some of them already dealing with diseases, other mens' children, don't know who the daddy is.

There's so much judgement you write about, the way you talk about other people's situations. About women who like sex, about people who have children because they got pregnant. I mean, you can't judge all that for these people for their past. They might be difficult situations but at the same time, I dont think blaming people for their shortcomings and expecting the perfect person to show up when you aren't perfect is going to help you find what you're truly looking for.

I also think in order to reach success you would benefit from seeing what makes women do those things in those situations, understanding their issues and understanding how lives can turn unfavorable, how minds and issues work. The high quality woman who has her life figured out which you dream of, takes you to be the high quality man. To capture the attention of such a woman who works all the time, and is also really sweet, do you know what traits you have to have?

Expecting no jealousy in relationship is very unreasonable I'd say, because you yourself have been dealing with it, when that woman was talking about thinking about getting on with her ex, and how it made you give up fighting for her despite probably having chances to. Some rebound is tough to deal with, then again some rebounders want to be helped out of rebounds, and offering her something better could prove to help her choose you. Just her seeing you make an effort could be enough. Maybe she told you and was honest with you in hopes you would convince her, not just to treat you badly. Maybe she was coming to you with this issue because she needed your help, or needed time to decide the best option for herself.

I have to say you're looking at a lot of details and I have to wonder about the most important thing, if you would be able to love a person who is not much of those things but who actually genuinely is trying to build something stable with you. If you would find it valuable enough or you wouldn't be able to get past your judgements or expectations.

There's something that gives me the feeling that women will have a really hard time even trying something with you, things could get pretty ugly if you get mad and you would rush into a decision based on that feeling. That's besides of the feeling that they will never be enough for you or be able to rise to your expectations.

I have to mention I really dont like people who are so unwilling to share their finances. I mean, also not having a job, some women wouldnt expect them to help with money, it would bother them maybe and complicate things, but at the same time imagine if those women want to build a life together with a man and he keeps hiding his finances, not wanting to share and being so uptight about that rule and fearful of being used for his money that its almost obsessive. Also women like gifts, not paying for flowers or giving gifts or taking her out, or even worse, taking her out when she doesnt have a job and expecting her to share what shes saving thatll last her a week is just insensitive. Could go on walks in parks instead of ever paying, but if he has the money and never takes her out because of his fear of spending with her, itll come off as very selfish.

I have a family friend who expects the man to help her with money, not be a greedy bastard watch her in her struggle and not care, while also expecting her to be successful and show her off, she really doesnt have much and works and pays all her money on her rent. This is not the kind of woman that would use you, this is a woman who wants to have a future and a life together. She just always finds greedy immature bastards who have excessively high expectations from her and dont see whats really important in life from a partner and that shes not like the other women who are so superficial.

If you come across as superficial, and greedy or selfish, imagine what kind of women you'll attract.


You replied to a message I wrote shortly before a woman messaged me out of the blue on Reddit. I was suspicious at first and tried to weed her out straightaway, but she persisted and proved to be everything that she said she was, and much more, indeed the best woman I have ever known. I am completely in love :heart: now and have been so for several months now.

Neither of us are greedy or selfish. Instead, I try to be generous, and she does, too. For example: recently we met. I bought our plane tickets, she paid for the hotel and the food. Fair is fair. When I give her things, she reimburses me their value, so that I never feel like she is taking advantage. She is completely independent, and her integrity is beyond reproach. I just feel lucky to be alive and to have her love.

We are also about the same age, which I think helps in relationships. When there is age disparity, the younger partner tends to look for compensation $omehow.

I just think where one partner is paying the way, it is not a smooth dynamic, eventually something has got to give, there comes a time when motives are evaluated and questioned, like what would happen if the money flow ceased or greatly reduced? At what point does a partner actually become just a hired companion?

The greatest thing is when two people are completely independent and get together for absolutely no material reason, but just because they like each other's company, are great friends and love spending time with one another. It is the modern way of relationships.

That last thing doesnt require financial independence. People dont necessarily have to use your money if they don't have a job. Theyre not necessarily inclusive.

Modern way? What about people who dont have a job like me? Do we not exist in the modern times? I'd argue we do a lot more now than before, especially in my country, job security is very low.


I do not know how things are in Romania. Do what you gotta do. I do think that the cost of living is probably a lot lower in Romania and other European countries, but I do not know how you make a living over there. Sometimes I fantasize about living in Spain, or Ireland where money goes a lot farther. That would make for an exciting retirement, especially because I am a history buff.

Hope things turn up for you somehow, perhaps the ticket is to find someone that will help you out after all. Perhaps you will be kind enough to accept their being older or having other disadvantages in exchange for what they can offer in security & opportunity. That happens every day and on the Internet it is easy to connect with someone, even from a different country as you no doubt are aware. A lot of people in the world are lonely and really crave a friendship and even better a companion, and it seems that you have a lot of love to give, so the potential is there.

It's not about kindness, I liked old men just as much as younger men, maybe more. I had not liked judging or seeing relevance in it, even though such gaps can affect couples because of the generational differences, changed societal dynamic expectations of a partner and inability to modernize their thinking and gadgets, lifestyle as old men with old values. Each relationship regardlessly has their own downsides and differences and challenges. But I guess it adds more depending on how many there are and how different two people might be. I also considered myself a classic hopeless romantic. My oldest relationship partner was 40 years older than me but he wasnt mature enough to even sustain a foundation, sadly. We went on with it for quite a long time.


_________________
My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart: x :heart:

Any topic, PM me; mind my profile.


Last edited by Rexi on 08 Jan 2022, 10:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.