Very difficult time dealing with any sort of real change?

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Lady Strange
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24 May 2021, 8:05 pm

Do others of you have a major hard time dealing with real change in life? It feels like my brain hates changing things with such a passion that it makes me pay for it by what I now know are meltdowns and getting real down and just having a real hard time. I can look back at life and see this playing out especially with things like graduating highschool, going to college (I didn't even leave home, couldn't contemplate that way too difficult), getting married (which was good but still a change), moving, job changes etc... it seems like it takes me 10x longer to adjust than a normal person, and it comes with huge difficulty. I didn't even realize how not normal this is until my husband pointed out to me, I often do not realize that others do not struggle with the things that I do. Even things like with my weekend if I've got an idea in my head of how its going to go and it gets interrupted in some way is not good to deal with. The horrible thing about it is life is full of change! 8O


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ToughDiamond
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24 May 2021, 10:42 pm

Yes, if it's a change that's happened to me or been imposed on me suddenly. I'm OK with change if I'm the one who has decided to make the change, because I can sense when I'm ready for it whereas the world just goes "wallop! deal with that then," without so much as a by your leave, generally speaking. I'm a slow and steady thinker and it takes too long to adapt sometimes. And I'm easily made uncomfortable if I'm not given time to make sure I've figured out some coping strategies. When people ask me to accept a change they don't very often explain what it will be like for me, often because they don't know. I can deal with a certain amount of imposed change, but if it's too thick and fast I need to bail out, which might not go down very well.



Redd_Kross
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24 May 2021, 10:51 pm

Pathological Demand Avoidance?



timf
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25 May 2021, 6:46 am

Change is more difficult the older you get. This is particularly difficult because we live in a world where the rate of change is increasing daily.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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25 May 2021, 7:13 am

Yesterday got notification that Firefox is radically changing their browser design in a June 1 update.
Anxiety spike for sure.
Take autism & add a few neurological, endocrine, mitochondrial, musculoskeletal, diseases, and, yeah, that real change is a struggle & a huge stress.


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Double Retired
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25 May 2021, 8:53 am

I tend to overthink making a change. So sometimes I'm slow making a change.


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25 May 2021, 9:19 am

Same. Although, if I can be in charge of when and how fast something changes, it's not nearly as bad. This applies to little things like putting up Christmas decorations at home; I live alone, so I can decide exactly where to put them and when to put them... though I had trouble with the tree last year since I had lights for it, but the cord wasn't long enough so I had to find a new place for it entirely. It ended up in the kitchen, while originally it was meant to be in the living room. Oops.

I had to move last year. I got the keys ten days before the actual move in -day, so I didn't feel that much stress when I got to carry a box or two to the new place at my own pace (the new place and the old place were within a very short walking distance from one another), but on the actual move in -day with five people helping and carrying the heavy stuff... that was stressful since I didn't know the exact timings when they'd show up and with what boxes. Back then I mostly stayed in the new place to take the stuff from them 'cause I knew what box should go where and all, but maybe it would've been less stressful to stay on the move and have no time to think.

Getting a new job is the mentally hardest change to deal with for me. I've been in my current one since late 2017, but I can still remember the anxiety of it... *shudders*



CockneyRebel
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25 May 2021, 9:49 am

There have been many times in my life that I've had a hard time with real changes.


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Dear_one
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25 May 2021, 2:50 pm

If I plan a change, it can be great. If I have to cope with one, my tolerance is highly dependent on how much sleep I've had.



ToughDiamond
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25 May 2021, 11:52 pm

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
Yesterday got notification that Firefox is radically changing their browser design in a June 1 update.
Anxiety spike for sure.

So that's why I hate upgrades. Tip: save a system image before they do the update.