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Erjoy29
Hummingbird
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Joined: 18 Feb 2017
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 22
Location: Minnesota

28 May 2021, 8:08 pm

I could use advice, suggestions and support.

I’m a massage therapist. Massage is my special interest and I’m talented. I get a lot of respect at work for it. I might have something like savant syndrome. Been at my job for 6 months.

I was diagnosed very late with autism (31) and I honestly haven’t practiced socializing enough in my life. Kept to myself mostly. I don’t always know what’s socially appropriate. I say weird things but nothing ever inappropriate or offensive.

I’ve also struggled with learning in school. I’m somewhat educated but I’m honestly a mixed bag: there are some basic things I should know and don’t know and there are some advanced things most don’t know that I know.

It’s a struggle for me to make small talk and conversation with co-workers and clients. I don’t get a lot of repeat requests. But my boss is happy I’m at work.

Any tips on how to blend in with neurotypicals? And just surviving work in general? I often get told by people I should try to have more “me time” due to how overstimulated I appear but with my busy schedule in general, that’s pretty much impossible.



cbd
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 12 Apr 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 206

30 May 2021, 10:35 pm

basic communication is all thats required in most cases . for example some people may find it too prying to hold conversation during massage . simple things like addressing tense areas and asking the client for example of they have any specific areas that need specific extra care is helpful however.

the only way to improve conversational or any form of socially is to experience . the more you fo it the easier it becomes . im not suggesting you have to have full blown conversations off the bat .. maybe study small talk for examples



Mountain Goat
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Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,295

31 May 2021, 4:35 am

I am either too quiet or too talkative, but when I talk I talk about things that others don't talk about as they don't seem to want to hear, but I am talking for ages regardless ad fail to know they don't want to hear until they tell me off in a sudden burst of anger. Then I go dead quiet for ages and get told off for being far too quiet.

Small talk. Uhmmm. I can chat to people that use small talk but I go off on tangents to relate the conversation to bicycles or trains. Especially trains. I find when I do this it is easier for me to understand, as using a railway or train based example will help me understand the topic being talked about. People think I am wierd doing this!
My Mum said that I grew up with my head buried in books about trains! (Usually just a few books which I read again and again and again. :D ).

One thing I do is use a sense of humour and jokes as a mask. It works foe a while until the jokes wear out.
When I worked on the railways, I said a joke and a passenger said "Don't you have any other jokes?" I said "Have I said that joke before?" He said "Every day for the past nine years". Oops! (It was not true as my shifts did not allow me to work the same trains more then a couple of times a week, and there were railway rules that we could work up to 13 days in a row and the 14th had to be a day off etc... So it wasn't every day he had heared that joke... But I did leave the railway after almost nine years of being there. A record for me to stay in the same job. It was only the ever changing shift patterns where no day was the same that somehow made me cope. It is odd because I do not do too well with change, but this changing made the masking last longer as normally I had to leave jobs when the masking wore out as the real quiet and timid "Me" was exposed which often resulted in workplace bullying or being taken advantage of... So I rarely was able to stay in the same job for more then two or three years until I hit burnout, and then just staying in a job part time for a few months was too much.

But my advice is just to concentrate on your work. Do what you do and enjoy. :) Chat with conversations relating to your work and things you know and love.



Gentleman Argentum
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03 Jun 2021, 6:50 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
I could use advice, suggestions and support.

I’m a massage therapist. Massage is my special interest and I’m talented. I get a lot of respect at work for it. I might have something like savant syndrome. Been at my job for 6 months.

I was diagnosed very late with autism (31) and I honestly haven’t practiced socializing enough in my life. Kept to myself mostly. I don’t always know what’s socially appropriate. I say weird things but nothing ever inappropriate or offensive.

I’ve also struggled with learning in school. I’m somewhat educated but I’m honestly a mixed bag: there are some basic things I should know and don’t know and there are some advanced things most don’t know that I know.

It’s a struggle for me to make small talk and conversation with co-workers and clients. I don’t get a lot of repeat requests. But my boss is happy I’m at work.

Any tips on how to blend in with neurotypicals? And just surviving work in general? I often get told by people I should try to have more “me time” due to how overstimulated I appear but with my busy schedule in general, that’s pretty much impossible.


If your boss is happy, don't sweat it so much... as for talking, No!! Don't!

I go to a massage therapist on the regular... she's an NT... she started yakking about her personal life...all this dark, twisted stuff,... got me all tense... ruined the vibe.... :pale:

If you keep your lips zipped that's not a bad thing, just let your hands do the talking! :afro:

Talking with co-workers? I guess that's ok, what is there to talk about? Just say hi and then be polite and listen to what they say.


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idntonkw
Velociraptor
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Joined: 29 Apr 2020
Age: 34
Posts: 474
Location: Boston

03 Jun 2021, 11:20 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
I could use advice, suggestions and support.

I’m a massage therapist. Massage is my special interest and I’m talented. I get a lot of respect at work for it. I might have something like savant syndrome. Been at my job for 6 months.

I was diagnosed very late with autism (31) and I honestly haven’t practiced socializing enough in my life. Kept to myself mostly. I don’t always know what’s socially appropriate. I say weird things but nothing ever inappropriate or offensive.

I’ve also struggled with learning in school. I’m somewhat educated but I’m honestly a mixed bag: there are some basic things I should know and don’t know and there are some advanced things most don’t know that I know.

It’s a struggle for me to make small talk and conversation with co-workers and clients. I don’t get a lot of repeat requests. But my boss is happy I’m at work.

Any tips on how to blend in with neurotypicals? And just surviving work in general? I often get told by people I should try to have more “me time” due to how overstimulated I appear but with my busy schedule in general, that’s pretty much impossible.


Someone experienced has to teach you 1:1.. successful client interaction is an intuitive thing, but it can be taught. With autistics, we just hate people in general and so maybe if you repeat loving kindness meditation mantras toward the clients in your head, it might make you come off as more friendly and pleasant.