Girl proposed to me today

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This feels awkward since im not the type of guy who wants to be weighed down by frivolous nonsense and trifles. Im as serious and tough as I come off here and everyone always says im too hard, stubborn, headstrong and strong willed, not the qualities and attributes that would have others swoon for and fall in love with, but somehow a girl from my university is proposing to me and interested in me.

Just some context. In islamic culture there is no dating. 0. It's courtship, proposals and marriage. That's it. No exception.

I just feel weirded out by this since I never ever imagined myself to be the kind of guy who ever saw himself as having a partner or going down that path. I've always imagined myself as the lone wolf and ambitious fighter type, or focused and determined goal oriented type, not the fall in love and meet a girl type.

I know this girl from university. She was in my math classes and she's from Syria. We used to work together on projects and she even used to go to the same gym I did. I didnt hate her, but me being not the brightest socially never ever once thought of the possibility of her liking me. Although it does make sense in hindsight since she always used to smile at me and try talking to me even when I wasn't interested, but me not thinking about this stuff never once bothered to think about the possibility of her liking me more than it being generic gestures of kindness we all show each other as decent humans.

Granted I dont think lowly of her. She is smart, very athletic like me with a special focus on tennis while im into weightlifting, she's a survivor of war so we have that both in common, and she even likes the same anime as me. Plus she's really passionate for the Palestine cause as an activist so thats nice.

It just feels so mind-blowing and weird thinking about this in hindsight that this girl I used to see in university, who went to the same gym as me, who knew me for so long, actually liked me.

Im not a romantic person nor am I good at this stuff. I feel awkward with this and thats why I avoid it altogether since it seems like a waste of my time and senseless distraction. plus with me being considered too serious and hard I dont understand why she would like me.

I dont know how to make sense of this. its not like ive ever given off any vibes or indication to anyone that im interested in this stuff.

still it is on my mind and something I thought id share for thoughts and opinions

Congrats!

Wow, you have more exciting things happen in a week than I have in a year!

Beyond surprise, how do you feel about it? Will you at least resume your friendship with her? She sounds like someone you'd really get along with, and a positive influence overall.

Wow Salad.

Honestly, I'm smiling. I think this is so sweet. You didn't believe you had anything to offer a woman, but clearly you do.

But I can also understand how the situation is very disorienting and confusing for you.

Once you get past the surprise, the question is whether or not you think you could be happy in a life with this woman.

Unless you are already sure you do not want to be with her, you probably don't know enough at the moment to know if you could be happy together.

I hope there is some opportunity in the cultural process for you and her to have a heart to heart (even if chaperoned) to figure more things out. Can you be honest with her about your own priorities, interests and worries as part of figuring out if this really could work? Would you be willing to tell her about your ASD? I do think she should know before an engagement is formalized.

Also, from the way you write, I worry it is tempting for you to think "because I'm not X, she can't actually be happy with me." Do not do that. Be honest with her about X, and about the sides of you that you worry could make a marriage difficult for her, but do not decide for her what she can or cannot accept from a spouse. Different women care about different things. Let her decide which negative traits of yours are deal breakers for her.

I do wish you the best, whatever you both decide.

Thanks Isabella

If by exciting you mean getting jumped in Minneapolis, tearing my metacarpal tunnel, and witnessing some shady stuff down there I guess, but for what its worth this is Minneapolis so so long as you live in the Twin Cities things are going to happen whether you like them or not

But as far as good news this week there's been some exciting things besides Minneapolis crime. I did set a weightlifting record, and obviously this proposal while I dont know if its a good thing it sure beats getting a black eye from the gang

I dont even know what to say tbh. It feels weird since I never even considered her a friend, but someone who I knew and interacted with occasionally for school, and even then almost all of our conversations she initiated.

It feels like she admires me and finds me worth loving, even though I dont know if someone like me would ever have someone love me since im not the romantic type. I dont know how to charm anyone. I asked her what she loves about me and she says she finds my strong will, strength of character and tenacity admirable. Because she's from Syria she's suffered PTSD and massive trauma from the war, and knowing im from Palestine and have seen my own stuff she finds me attractive for pushing forward despite how hard life has gotten me, and she knows about some of the stuff life hit me with. she told me I inspire her, and to be honest that made me smile since I never thought a guy like me whose failed in life could ever inspire anyone

As for her there is a part of me that does find her appealing and interesting in ways. She is athletic like me. she is soft, gentle and very poised with a lustrous mien that bespeaks a level of dignity of honorable comportment. she's erudite, well read and sophisticated. She also is kind and gentle, something that can balance out my tougher disposition

Overall she isn't someone I find repulsive, but being someone who has never been inclined to love or romance this feels very new and something I dont know if I even want since in my entire life I never wanted this

Holy mackerel! Does she have a twin sister?

What did you say to her when she proposed? Is the door still open?

Is the twin sister comment a Bronte literary reference my neophyte mind isn't getting, or are you saying those things apply to you too? Or am I too stupid right now to get the comment? Sorry, being knocked out 1 too many times like I have damages one's brain cells, and right now im feeling too dumb to understand the reference. My bad.....

When she proposed I told her that id have to think about it since this feels all so sudden. She told me plainly that she loves me and can only imagine being with me. I think its because her trauma as a Syrian war survivor makes me the only one she feels is compatible with her.

This definitely feels really big so as of now im still weighing it over and having WP help me with this

^ I just thought it was a beautiful and poetic description! No, I wasn't thinking of myself at all. I'd likely drop dead if anyone ever described me in those words. The "twin sister" was just a joke, meaning that I'd like to meet someone like that. I'm sure she'd feel honoured to read your words.

Awww.

Sorry, im feeling faint headed from the beating I took a day ago so deciphering messages like that are kinda a little tricky for me at times. I hope I didnt make you drop dead right now......

Me, poetic? I only wish! I mean there was that 1 time in 3rd grade I wrote my 1st Haiku about Pikachu from Pokemon, but I dont think thats the type of thespian verbiage that would ever make anyone call me poetic. Ahh, maybe since ive been forced to read 1 too many Shakespeare back in high school for AP Literature an extemporaneous overflow of quasi poetic melody may effuse here and there, but its nothing too remarkable

If I showed that girl my description of her she'd probably be surprised since as far as she and everyone can tell, im too unrefined and rudimentary in my speech.

But hey maybe if this works out with her I can show her my attempt at extemporaneously describing her and id let her be the judge of how flattered she feels....or not

I have a bit of the traits you have salad. One of the major differences is that I haven not been through major violence & I am NOT tough. I've always been a major wuss & majorly s#cked at fighting when I was physically bullied in elementary school. I'm also a passive person but there's been plenty of times when I verbally lashed out at others & refused to go along with things because I felt I was getting screwed over & needed to stand up for myself. Some or a lot of that is probably Aspie meltdown related, I just reached my breaking point & got too frustrated. I NEVER been romantic at all. I've also never had much interest in romantic relationships until I stumbled into my 1st one at 20. She was the 1st person I ever really connected with & related to. Something inside me snapped & I've had a very high desire for a relationship since that one ended. I've majorly HATED being single since then. I was NOT romantic with her or with my 2nd girlfriend or with my current. My current kinda wishes I was a bit more romantic but I make up for that in other ways. I am very protective of my romantic partners & I'm very affectionate but only ever with my romantic partners. Me & my current both have various physical & mental disabilities & there is a bit of overlap with some of our mental stuff. In some ways though I've made a lot of progress on my mental stuff & in some ways Cass sees me as an inspiration because of it. I had a mental breakdown when my 1st relationship fell apart & I was very depressed & unstable for a while. I also majorly hated myself then as well. I'm very very far from perfect nowadays but I've come a long way since then with that stuff whereas Cass is still majorly dealing with it. Part of the reason I'm doing that much better is because I have someone in my corner who I know majorly loves me & accepts me better than anyone else & she majorly tries to be supportive. I try my best to pay it back to her but it doesn't always work well but a bit or a lot of it is the way she is, her issues are not exactly the same as mine. If I woulda been in your position after my 1st relationship ended, I woulda accepted & done my very best to not screw up.

Perhaps your situation is a more milder version of what happened with my 1st girlfriend. I was kinda thrown off guard when she told me she liked me & I was talking about it to some mutual friends after & they were surprised that I wasn't sure. They saw something there I guess. Then I realized I had it bad for her. It may not suddenly hit you like a sack of bricks like it did for me salad. Us Aspies can really s#ck at recognizing our feelings sometimes. Maybe instead of worrying about if you are good enough & cut out for a relationship with her rite now, you could ask yourself if you think she would help you become that way. Like do you think you are a bit better off having her in your life rite now & do you think she would inspire you & be encouraging & supportive of you. I would recommend talking to her more about this stuff before deciding.

I'm not trying to pressure you or anything. I don't know you that well of corse so I don't know what is rite or wrong for you. I'm just trying to give you an angle to consider.

That's how most relationships start in real life: woman shows interest, 'chases' the man she wants and wins him at the end (the other way around as being common is a myth).

Any other scenario (ie. man trying to 'win over' woman) is usually a waste of time, yes this is a gendered thing.

I still strongly believe this is the general trend: viewtopic.php?t=387442

Salad. Many of us would have loved to have such an opportunity that you have rigt now. A beautiful kind hearted girl who knows you and admires you for who you are, and sees more in you then you see in yourself. You could fall in love with her many times over and be completely happy for the rest of your life with her.
And she needs you and you need her...
I know that deep down you are a caring gentleman who may be a little over reacting at times, but who thinks and considers things which to me, you seem an ideal guy, so I know what she sees in you, and it takes a girl of real quality to see this in a man.

So while I do not know what the outcome will be, it is an opportunity which rarely ever presents itself in ones lifetime...

At least try.

Interesting. I was always told on this forum that its the guy who normally chases the girl. A difference of opinion I suppose

My whole life I was told I'm too tough, too stubborn, and too serious for anyone to ever fall in love with me. Granted a lot of girls had crushes on me, but to fall in love and propose to me?

This is the 1st time ive ever felt like this