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Mountain Goat
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05 Jun 2021, 5:30 pm

My youngest brother had an online phone conversation going on with a few of his friends. I have met them but somehow I seem to be out of touch as if I am talking on different wavelengths and I feel awkward because of this. I was the same with people my own age, but if the person was 40 ish years older then me,I was/am ok. The only issue is not many people are left that are 40 ish years older then I am!


I do not know how to describe what I mean by being on another wavelength... It is like... Well. I have to mask and yet my masking makes me appear silly... But if I don't mask I don't talk because I can't somehow fit in?
And I have always been like that!

While I realize that it is probable something to do with autism, but could it just me who I am?
People have said that when God made me he broke the mould. In other words they mean that there is no one else like me. So it could be that I am very much an individual and rather unique. I am still trying to work things out. :D



Brainiac42
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05 Jun 2021, 6:57 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
My youngest brother had an online phone conversation going on with a few of his friends. I have met them but somehow I seem to be out of touch as if I am talking on different wavelengths and I feel awkward because of this. I was the same with people my own age, but if the person was 40 ish years older then me,I was/am ok. The only issue is not many people are left that are 40 ish years older then I am!


I do not know how to describe what I mean by being on another wavelength... It is like... Well. I have to mask and yet my masking makes me appear silly... But if I don't mask I don't talk because I can't somehow fit in?
And I have always been like that!

While I realize that it is probable something to do with autism, but could it just me who I am?
People have said that when God made me he broke the mould. In other words they mean that there is no one else like me. So it could be that I am very much an individual and rather unique. I am still trying to work things out. :D



This is an interesting thought. My mom has always called me "special" when I wouldn't understand something/directions and did something wrong, or when I wanted something done a certain way and would get angry/upset as a child/teen. I had meltdowns as a kid and she had to help me calm down by taking deep breaths. I would flap my hands when I was excited, or if food was coming.. my mom knew all of these things but never got me a diagnosis because "that's just how I am, I'm special". My girlfriend told my mom she thought I may have Asperger's like her dad, and she got upset. Told her friends, and said I do not have Asperger's, I just am who I am. My dad said if a label makes me feel better then do it, but if I've lived this long without one, do I really need one? I agree with him. I also don't know if I have it, or if my obsessive interests and "quirks" are just my personality. Autism, if I do have it, has never caused me significant difficulties in life.. so I say who really cares. I fit in with people with Aspergers/high functioning autistic people, and that's why I joined this site. All that matters I suppose.



ToughDiamond
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05 Jun 2021, 7:13 pm

Hard to say. Feeling on a different wavelength kind of goes with the turf with autism. Don't know why people 40+ years older than you would be on the same wavelength though.

The idea of feeling on a different wavelength may be too general for a definitive answer. Maybe if you could specify the events that led you to feel you were on a different wavelength, it would point to an answer? And it might be helpful to know what kinds of things these older people have about them that's easier to relate to.



OkaySometimes
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06 Jun 2021, 5:39 am

"On a different wavelength" is a great descriptor. I feel like that constantly, even with people who normally "get me" fairly well. With strangers, things go bad quickly sometimes, especially when it becomes clear that what I'm saying is not coming across. I get frustrated with myself and start to really overthink, then if they still don't get it I'm pretty much lost and sometimes go mute.
I tried to order food this morning and this happened. Luckily, my wife was there and could take over, and she said later that it wasn't me, the person running the register seemed both untrained and unintelligent to her, but that hardly mattered after my spiral started. It's happened before under the same circumstances, and I've ended up with things that I didn't want because all I can make my mouth say is "Sure, that's fine." Yes, ma'am, I will gladly take and even eat that plate of things I don't even like, just to bring this terrible trainwreck of an interaction to a close, lol...
As to having older friends, that was me for a long time. When I've had friends that I really can still consider friends in hindsight, they've always been 15-20 years older than me. Neither of us tend to notice, either. The last person I was hanging out with would constantly forget I was 20+ years younger. "No, I don't remember '67 at all, I was negative ten back then..."
I always explained these things to myself in terms of personality and experiences, but those never really explained anything. Circular reasoning, "my personality must mesh better with older people because that's what my experience is, and my experience is that because of my personality no doubt..." I've read that it's pretty common for people on the spectrum to have friends that are either much older or much younger.



Mountain Goat
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06 Jun 2021, 6:15 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
Hard to say. Feeling on a different wavelength kind of goes with the turf with autism. Don't know why people 40+ years older than you would be on the same wavelength though.

The idea of feeling on a different wavelength may be too general for a definitive answer. Maybe if you could specify the events that led you to feel you were on a different wavelength, it would point to an answer? And it might be helpful to know what kinds of things these older people have about them that's easier to relate to.


I did not answer yesterday because I did not know how to describe it and I do not know why I find elderly people easier to talk to though with some it is not always the case.

I also find people others think of as "Odd" as good people I can talk to as somehow I can be on their wavelength, yet the ones who think they are odd are the very ones I am not on the same wavelength as!

It is hard to describe, but the writer who wrote the next comment below yours knows exactly what I mean and is able to describe it well. I will reply to what he has written. I also will reply to the other poster above. :)



Mountain Goat
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06 Jun 2021, 6:42 am

OkaySometimes wrote:
"On a different wavelength" is a great descriptor. I feel like that constantly, even with people who normally "get me" fairly well. With strangers, things go bad quickly sometimes, especially when it becomes clear that what I'm saying is not coming across. I get frustrated with myself and start to really overthink, then if they still don't get it I'm pretty much lost and sometimes go mute.
I tried to order food this morning and this happened. Luckily, my wife was there and could take over, and she said later that it wasn't me, the person running the register seemed both untrained and unintelligent to her, but that hardly mattered after my spiral started. It's happened before under the same circumstances, and I've ended up with things that I didn't want because all I can make my mouth say is "Sure, that's fine." Yes, ma'am, I will gladly take and even eat that plate of things I don't even like, just to bring this terrible trainwreck of an interaction to a close, lol...
As to having older friends, that was me for a long time. When I've had friends that I really can still consider friends in hindsight, they've always been 15-20 years older than me. Neither of us tend to notice, either. The last person I was hanging out with would constantly forget I was 20+ years younger. "No, I don't remember '67 at all, I was negative ten back then..."
I always explained these things to myself in terms of personality and experiences, but those never really explained anything. Circular reasoning, "my personality must mesh better with older people because that's what my experience is, and my experience is that because of my personality no doubt..." I've read that it's pretty common for people on the spectrum to have friends that are either much older or much younger.


You know exactly what I mean. It is not that I can't talk to strangers or others. I can, and if like in the past I have been in a work enviroment, I have masked my way through because I develop what I call an "Official work mask" which enables me to function in the job. With the work mask I can even be described as a "Team player" BUT, only when I am in work. As soon as I am outside work where I take the masking off, I am in my normal self mode and I need to unwind.

Successive burnouts have attacked my ability to mask.

Masking while working is like doing two jobs at once. One is sorking hard but doubly working hard if that makes sense?
I can be a nurvous anxious person under the masn who could run out at any moment rather then deal with people, but the masking gives the impression that I am a confident bold person. It is often the opposite to how I am inside.

Yes, there are times when I am who I am as in I am not hiding and yet I am relaxed. These situations are soo liberating but can be rare.

Other times I do not try to be masking and am just me? Hard to describe as I am trying to work it all out?

But at the same time I am always me if I am masking or not, because though I can be heavily masking anxiety and nurves etc, the "Me" part is always still "Me".

How do I describe? Put it this way. When I am masking I am not doing it to pretend to be someone I am not. I am doing it as a type of interpreter... To adapt my personality to relate to the situation? Yet my personality is me.

I am not very good at explaining things am I? :D

I use masking as a social translator, BUT it does not always work because I am masking.

Anyone used a CB radio? Anyone got to know a bit about them? (My brother does. I only know the basics). There is sideband which is where one can be transmitting inbetween frequencies where it comes across to those who are not able to pick up sideband as interfearance instead of communicative talk, but if one can have a set that can tune into sideband, suddenly one can communicate.
It is like I am communicating in sideband and am not in tune with the general chatting of my brothers friends, so what I say is more like interfearance in their conversations rather then being part of their conversations. Masking is like being able to switch to a channel that they can hear me, but masking does not tune me in. It just means I can be heard if that makes sense?
But if I start speaking to someone else who can talk on my level of "Sideband", I can have long meaningful communications.

I hope this makes sense?



OkaySometimes
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06 Jun 2021, 10:15 am

Made sense to me. I can also relate to the "official work mask" bit. When I get home, I have to shed it or I'm apparently a little difficult to deal with.
With the communication, I usually feel like I'm speaking some unusual dialect to people, and we ALMOST know what the other is saying, but we're each using slightly different words, and they mean slightly different things. Like I'm speaking Middle English (or maybe Scots Gaelic on a bad day, lol...)



Brainiac42
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06 Jun 2021, 12:06 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Hard to say. Feeling on a different wavelength kind of goes with the turf with autism. Don't know why people 40+ years older than you would be on the same wavelength though.

The idea of feeling on a different wavelength may be too general for a definitive answer. Maybe if you could specify the events that led you to feel you were on a different wavelength, it would point to an answer? And it might be helpful to know what kinds of things these older people have about them that's easier to relate to.


I did not answer yesterday because I did not know how to describe it and I do not know why I find elderly people easier to talk to though with some it is not always the case.

I also find people others think of as "Odd" as good people I can talk to as somehow I can be on their wavelength, yet the ones who think they are odd are the very ones I am not on the same wavelength as!

It is hard to describe, but the writer who wrote the next comment below yours knows exactly what I mean and is able to describe it well. I will reply to what he has written. I also will reply to the other poster above. :)


I completely understand what you mean here. I think it just comes down to personality, and who we connect with. Some people’s brains seem to be wired similarly and thus this “wavelength” of understanding is created. Scientifically speaking this wavelength could be a similar pattern of neurons between individuals. The percentage of shared thoughts and experiences may be high. Those of us on the spectrum are wired differently and have different experiences, and others with similar wiring/experiences are going to typically seem inviting to us. They’re going to hear us, and understand.

I am a 24 year old female (although masculine and a lesbian) and a friend of mine is a 47 year old male that I’d say others may find odd, I don’t. I’d be friends with anyone, and often get along with older people more because they’re often less superficial. I often seek out the quirky people who I have things in common with, because we’re on the same “wavelength”.



ToughDiamond
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06 Jun 2021, 2:31 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
I did not answer yesterday because I did not know how to describe it and I do not know why I find elderly people easier to talk to though with some it is not always the case.

I also find people others think of as "Odd" as good people I can talk to as somehow I can be on their wavelength, yet the ones who think they are odd are the very ones I am not on the same wavelength as!

It is hard to describe, but the writer who wrote the next comment below yours knows exactly what I mean and is able to describe it well. I will reply to what he has written. I also will reply to the other poster above. :)

No worries about not posting a quick reply. I know what you mean, and I wasn't trying to criticise what you said about being on a different wavelength. Far from it - I'm very familiar with that feeling. I was thinking more about how to answer your question about whether it's autism or your personality that makes you feel on a different wavelength, which led me to think that it would be easier if there were some specific observations about what led you to get the feeling "I'm on a different wavelength than that person" and "I'm on the same wavelength as this person."

I'm also very familiar with being able to relate better to "odd" people. I suppose unusual people tend to get a lot of flak from "normal" people just for being different, and that in itself would be common ground between outcasts everywhere. Frankly, practically all my friends are a tad unusual, and if I wanted more friends, the mainstream is the last place I'd want to look for them.