Obsessing

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I didn't do well at work today. I was focused on a special interest - today it was autism. I was watching Atypical and scrolling on Wrong Planet and watching videos on Youtube about autism. Now I am obsessing over not doing well at work and I don't know how to stop it. It's like the thoughts go around and around in my head and they don't stop. I'm a bad employee, I'm worthless, I'm going to get fired. These kind of thoughts.

I work an office job at home.

You aren't a bad employee and you aren't worthless and you won't be fired. You're great and valued, just struggling in ways NT people don't.

I've been there many times. The only thing I've found that helps combat this is dedicating transitional periods to switching to undesired tasks. These periods may take thirty minutes to an hour and a half, however I've noticed it's reduced this problem tremendously for me. For example, I love work, but when I have a special interest I'm focused on beforehand that I know will impact my performance and distract me, I take an hour and drive around on the highway listening to music, in my work uniform, while thinking about work before I go to work. It may sound odd but it helps me. My mind goes from special interest to work during the ride. This feels so much better than being focused, getting ready for work five to ten minutes before my shift, then walking into work still thinking about the special interest.

Also... I've done this with other things, including having to do schoolwork at home... so it could apply to your home job too.

This may or may not help you. Either way it sucks and I hope you feel better soon.

As long as you get your work done by whatever deadline is set for you, you aren't "doing bad at work."

If you do all those activities you mentioned on your HOME computer, rather than the computer your job gave you, there's no way the company can monitor you.

I've struggled with this at times as well. I find that it gets worse for me whenever I lack external structures and routines (i.e. school or in-person work). When I enter situations in which I lack some level of predictability, I find comfort in obsessing over my interests. Sometimes my mind believes it is safer to restrict how I think than if I were to "go with the flow". I don't know if that is how you may feel or if you can relate, those are just my experiences.

What may help for you, given that you work from home, is finding what organizational habits help you to focus on your work when you need to. If you give yourself time to think about your "obsessions" and time to think about your tasks at work, you may feel it is easier to manage, especially if until now you've just been attempting to do virtual work tasks in spontaneous order and fashion. Planning ahead offers predictability, which may make those fears about different possibilities (like getting fired) easier to manage.

Additionally, sometimes it helps to have distinctly separate "zones" for work and pleasure. What I mean is : designating a specific space for work tasks (anything from a desk to a room) and a separate space for personal use will help you get into the right mindset for those specific things. If you only ever sit in one place for work, your mind will associate that space for work and those mental pathways will become easier to pass through. If you work and play in the same space, your mind can get confused and seek the most pleasurable mental pathways to pass through (which is probably not work!).

I hope some of that helped!

The way I get out of obsessive thoughts is to say to myself, "Here and now. Here and now. Here and now." over and over and over again until it goes away. It gets easier and takes fewer repetitions the most you do it. Sometimes it takes great fortitude to persist in saying it, often with my teeth gritted. It takes real effort, for me anyone, to break those cyclical thoughts.