Do not get me wrong...

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So as to avoid polluting another member's thread any further, I feel it necessary to set the record straight here.

When I say, "I do not care what other people think of me" this does NOT mean "I do not care about other people".  It only means that I not longer concern myself with other people's opinions of me (unless the person is my wife or my boss, of course).  Obsessing over what every other person -- including strangers -- thought of me had left me socially paralyzed for a very long time.  Once I stopped this obsession, my life made a radical change for the better.

Of course, if a person is spreading lies about me, or trying to stir up trouble against me, I will try to set them straight.  This will include starting separate threads like this one.

And while my blunt manner of presenting advice may seem to indicate a lack of concern for others, it is just my way of getting directly to the root of the problem instead of prolonging the problem with a lot of empty praise and sugary platitudes like, "Oh, don't worry so much. You're a nice guy. I'm sure everyone likes you and wants to see you do well, so cheer up and have a nice day..."

So yes, I do care about other people, but not their opinions of me.

That is logical. In my late 30's I realized that no matter what I did to try to get on with people and say the right things was not going to work.

When I said to myself "I'm me and if others don't like it, that is their problem not mine!" When I stopped trying to mould myself into how other people thought I should be which never worked, I then became liberated.

Yes, it is liberating to no longer be enslaved to the thoughts and opinions of others.

I hear ya, Fnord. If I am sometimes critical of you (which you don't care about, anyway), it's because I see room for improvement. Ha ha ... like you care!

Still, there are right and wrong ways to provide feedback to someone. If they become defensive right off the bat, you aren't going to achieve anything. It's also worth noting that at times, honest feedback is not being sought, but rather emotional support or just a pleasant atmosphere of a bull session. Not reading the room correctly can cause friction.

Actually, Bea, yours is one of the few voices to which I will listen.  We are about the same age, and have been through similar experiences, so your opinions carry more weight than most others.

Even your criticisms are worth pausing for ... but certainly not worth obsessing over.

Why, thank you, Fnord!

I wouldn't want anyone to obsess over anything I say, ever. I'm not worth the energy!

Basically that, but also that if it seems like harm is being inflicted but the harm isn't intended I'll try to tell the person so they don't need to deal with realizing it after the fact and the guilt that stems from that.

I had to deal with learning to not care what others think of me early on. If I didn't I'd still be stuck in a loop worrying about not being accepted as a child despite the fact that it's been decades since those people's opinions were even relevant.

You're one of my favorite people here, Fnordie, and I've never taken offense at anything you've ever said.

I also have a habit of being blunt, but, like you've said, people tend to want meaningless praise and hollow compliments; therefore, they get butthurt when folks like us don't play along.

Thanks!  Back atcha! The sad part is that my detractors expect praise and compliments when they have done nothing to deserve any.

oh no no no no no, not you too with the detractors thing!

Looks like I'm gonna have to take you behind the barn and whip some sense into ya.

Promise?

Stop flirting with me!

Not flirting.

Just calling your bluff!

Fnord is great because he mostly says things you'd like to say yourself but don't, because you don't have the time or patience to deal with everything online.

At times though, I kind of picture him as Jack Nicholson though.

Thanks!

Posting "You can't handle the truth!" against individuals on this website could be construed as a personal attack, and thus earn me yet another moderatorial warning.

"Evidence, Please?" will simply have to suffice.

Every time I scroll past this picture, I find myself mentally transforming it into "dogs playing poker."

Dogs playingl poker is such a piece of kitsch, I think I really should buy a large reproduction to put over my mantelpiece. It makes me chuckle every time I see it used.