I feel like a terrible person and a disgrace to WP. Goodbye

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Every group of people formed over time has a collective mindset and this mindset is pretty obvious if you look at what kind of threads and forums are popular and what kind of threads and forums are completely ignored here.

According to your profile, you are 25 years old and joined this forum back in 2011. So you must have been around 15 when you first joined. Additionally, I don't recall ever seeing you at all except during the past several months. So my guess is that, several months ago, you re-joined this forum after a long multi-year hiatus. Is that correct?

If so, that in itself might be one of the reasons why you haven't made more than one friend here -- apart from the fact that MOST of us aren't very good at making friends, in the first place.

As far as I can tell, there aren't very many teenagers here. I don't know if this was also the case ten years ago, but, if it was, that's probably one of the reasons why you weren't able to make friends back then.

You are now in your twenties according to your profile, and this forum attracts many more people in their twenties than people in their teens. So your chances are much better now. But, if you've been around for only several months at your current age, it shouldn't be a surprise that you've made only one friend so far. Probably, most of us don't make many friends here, and what friendships we do make here are likely to evolve very gradually.

I'm actually 23. I only put 25 since when I 1st joined at 13 I thought it would make me cooler and more liked if I added 2 extra years to my age

But otherwise I see the rest of your point

Which thread are you referring to, exactly? Could you post a link here?

I used to be one of the people on this forum who hated badRobot and actually wanted to cuss him out as annoying when he kept persistently pushing burpees on Marknis' support thread, feeling like it was pathetic. However when I got over my disdain and actually decided to follow badRobot's wisdom I realized the guy actually knows what he's talking about and his advice did more to help me than even I anticipated.

I really thing WP should give badRobot a chance and listen to his advice. Had it not been for badRobot I would still be in the deepest muk of depression falling lower and lower and I feel like the guy doesnt get enough appreciation and love for selflessly promulgating wisdom to help us all even at the expense of endless derision and hate.

He may come off as blunt and too in your face, but he's doing it from a place of genuine sincerity wanting to help people who are depressed. I know because his advice saved me when I was at my lowest moment

There's something to be said about the honest messenger enduring scorn and haranguing all to promulgate truth no one wants to hear. badRobot is the hero of this forum none of us want, but the hero we all need. The hero we dont deserve to be honest.

Anybody can recite socially accepted platitudes that carry no risk and maintain the status quo

Not many can be mavericks yelling at the top of their lungs contrarian wisdom that gets rebuffed yet still choose to preach it for no reward but the satisfaction of helping others

If that's not a hero I dont know what is

Didn't your fiance, Lara Croft, had something to do with you feeling more upbeat?

So an update for today:

Today my fiancee and I went out in nature up north in Grand Marais. We rented a hotel cabin, went hiking through nature (today was my 1st day off my wheelchair and I tripped and even sprained my ankle, but I continued anyways. Currently ankle is in an ice pack though), swimming, and went on a gondola. We ate out at a simple lunch cafe, nothing too fancy, and when we got home we decided to watch a movie. The movie we watched was "Lilo and Stitch"

What a depressing movie. I actually broke down crying from that movie and both my sisters and my fiancee were tear jerking during some of the scenes. This scene especially hit me brutally hard:

Before I could even get a fiancee I had to 1st wage a brutal war against severe crippling depression, made even more severe because I refused any and all medicine and therapy. badRobot's advice is what got me out of the depressive slump that even allowed me to continue in my life to begin with and even be able to get a fiancee

Truth be told I'm unable to sleep. I'm in the middle of a strong PTSD episode. Some of the horrible images of war and violence from 2006 are flooding back and wont leave me alone.

I'm breathing heavy and heating up.

I dont want to wake my sisters and fiancee up so I'm outside in the cold trying to cope as best as I can

Sorry salad, again don't give up, PTSD is a work in progress...small steps.

Right. That's why being on this forum as I look for an actual therapist to help me is my safest bet in staying safe in the night when everyone is asleep and I'm left alone to my demons to face. I cant let my fiancee see this from me so I have to struggle extra hard to conceal it

Actually your experiences make me question the state of Israel's methods. I have in the past been sympathetic to their plight after WWII.

Salad, I'm glad you had a good time in nature with your special girl - few things are more therapeutic than nature. Just sorry about the sad movie!

As Kraftie says, and I can relate to as it was PTSD which eventually led to my being diagnosed with AS and discovering WP, it takes time to heal from that. It was a terrible time during which I'd be insomniac and wake in the middle of the night thinking my whole body was shrinking. There were times I felt as if I was dying. My stepdad called me "certifiable" on a number of occasions at that time.

PTSD is pretty real especially going through what you went through.

As for badRobot I'm glad to hear you found his advice helpful. He's wrong about a "collective mindset" since we're all individuals on a very wide spectrum in every respect but with certain things in common. We ought to stick together and be able to disagree respectfully. I think badRobot can be very direct and call a spade a spade, rather than pussyfooting around trying to be polite, which is a very NT sort of thing. We on the spectrum tend to get in trouble now and then for being painfully honest as opposed to shallow, meaningless statements that are not helpful.

I hope you'll be able to find a caring therapist who supports you no matter what, and can listen without judgement.

I believe you have what it takes to make your relationship work - we have many very happily married members here as well as some who are in long standing relationships, such as myself. And my partner understood me better after my diagnosis than before.

I'm far from their worst victim to be honest. Sure a soldier sprayed my dad's car with bullets and almost killed me, and there was that one soldier who broke my Gameboy at a checkpoint for no reason, however others have a lot worse stories. I've even known kids as old as 5 who were tortured in Israeli captivity

I understand your desire to protect your fiancee but, honestly, I doubt she wouldn't see through you efforts to conceal. I'm actually almost sure she knows.
You're both survivors. She's probably the most understanding person in the world for what you're going through now.

Everyone is really alone when facing their demons but at the same time, having someone to live for gives you incredible strength against them.

I work extra hard to conceal everything from her, I hope she doesnt ever figure out what I'm suffering

I take extra long bathroom breaks claiming my stomach hurts from nausea during PTSD episodes

I go outside at night when everyone's a sleep during episodes like this

She's dealing with her own PTSD. I cant afford to burden her with my own issues. Once I find a therapist I can have that therapist take that burden off me. Until then my fiancee has to remain ignorant of this for her sake