I feel like a terrible person and a disgrace to WP. Goodbye

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Didn't see it so I don't know why she moved it - we're not all on here 24/7. PM and ask her.

We welcome diverse opinions by the way, and have no issue with them as long as within the rules.

Oh geez. Arguing with mods and administrators is not likely to have a satisfying outcome.

I will mention that I think telling salad what he needs to do for coping seems a little intrusive. Salad, I support you, and you choose whatever method of coping makes sense to you. You're obviously pretty intelligent, so I trust that you can make good choices all on your own. Your decision to seek PTSD therapy is proof of that. Asking here (in another thread) for honest feedback is another good step.

My anxiety is through the roof after seeing a live in flesh bear that approached me while I was outside the hotel. I kid you not. Luckily the bear just saw me, then left

The second thing was my nightmare tonight. Just a flashback from Palestine I'd rather not share since id rather not disturb anyone here with bad imagery

Luckily the hotel I'm at has a pool and fitness center to help calm me down. I couldn't use it last night since it closed after 10 buy now its open

Nine pages? This is a rather long goodbye.

Fiancee is currently changing and we will be out hiking again very shortly. In the meantime if anyone here on WP has suggestions for how I should draft my letter explaining to her what I'm dealing with please do share so that when I come back at night to my hotel and check WP I'll have some ideas on how to draft my letter

^ Seconded, FXE!

To be honest, I feel it’s better to tell it than to write it. It’s better to see a person’s face and hear a person’s voice. It just seems more sincere that way.

But if you want to write a letter, keep it as simple but as honest as possible. And assure her you won’t fly off the handle at a moment’s notice.

I’m not really good at letters, unless I feel compelled.

I don't know if you want info about trauma, general advice, examples of how I deal with C-PTSD in my relationship, or just support. I hope at least some of this will help.

Info about trauma:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articl ... nship-ptsd


General advice:

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-co ... sd-2797491

https://www.verywellmind.com/disclosing ... is-2797499


What I Did:

I told my boyfriend on our first date that I had Autism and C-PTSD. I didn't give the particulars of my trauma except to say I had been in trauma therapy for almost 11 years at that point. He told me that he has Acute PTSD, and he didn't give many details either. We both just wanted to break the ice in a non-threatening way. It took several months of conversations and various steps of disclosure until I had told him my full story. I was terrified of being judged or alienating him. I also have a very difficult time with interpersonal relationships because of my damaged self-concept, which is a hallmark of C-PTSD. He is the only person apart from my first therapist and the court of law, who know exactly what happened for me. The process of sharing made me extremely vulnerable. I was scared I'd form a trauma bond and become too dependent on him, or that I'd love him for knowing -- instead of loving him authentically for who he is overall. My disclosures are still unfolding because we get very limited time together as a result of Covid.

I won't sugar coat it. It's a lot of work balancing a relationship where both parties have PTSD from violence and victimisation. He and I have different stories and different triggers. I tend to have "emotional flashbacks" (unexpected volatile reactions caused by feeling an emotion or sensation similar to those I felt during trauma), and he tends to have "visual flashbacks" (picturing or hearing the memory more literally). We're both mindful of each other's potential triggers, and we are still learning how to support each other through the dark days. What works for one of us does not necessarily work for the other. Some of our needs are in contrast, meaning that the support he needs sometimes triggers me - and vice versa.

Support for you:

Chances are your fiancée knows you have PTSD. You have survived the loss of your mother, the suicides of your cousins, physical assault and battery, plus the horrors of your Palestinian experiences. I think she is drawn to you because you both have lived such traumatic lives. The discussion of PTSD will evolve naturally for you both as you get to know each other's story in more detail. There's no need to rush or to force the issue, but do assure her that you are committed to the relationship and that you are seeking help. Reassure her that you're there for her when she needs support as well, and that way you will begin a two-way dialogue about the topic. Perhaps you could seek therapists together? I don't necessarily mean the same therapist, but you could help each other look for resources. I imagine there are mental health programs for refugees and victims of war or violence, where you live. Given your recent injuries and her recent PTSD episode, it should be easy to inquire with the hospital about trauma-related social services.

Best wishes and virtual hugs to you both.

Excellent advice. Let everything evolve and "fall into place."

I would say, verbally, that you will "be there for her" no matter what. But if you want to put it in a letter, then I guess that's all right, too.

But saying it verbally is better, in my opinion.

I believe it likely your fiancée will be understanding of your PTSD issues.

Just don't overwhelm your fiancee with an emotional load! Maybe open the topic briefly, and it can be returned to many times as you support each other.