Isolation

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I've been alone all my life, I've never known love. I feel like that's too late for me, I'm almost 25. I have two friends in person and I never see them because they've moved on with their adult lives and moved away. The feeling of being disconnected increases every day. I have severe anxiety and agoraphobia. My sister has debilitating Crohn's. It's extremely difficult for me to "just start" something because of the situation I'm in. I play a role in my family, we all have things to do. I'm starting therapy again soon. Nothing is enjoyable or interesting in life anymore, everything just seems like a grey blur. I feel like I've waited too long to start my life. I can't drive, I get panic attacks. I feel like I need to be eased into an environment rather than just instantly "finding a job". I don't really see a path in my life anymore, everything has just become dull. And I want to experience love or anything that a normal person does. Every day I just do what I need to do in my household and then try to sleep so I don't have to exist. I'm always alone. It gives me existential dread. And I feel like a slave to my medication. It's like there's an invisible barrier between me and everything I want to do and accomplish. I just feel like I'm going to live like this until I die. Always alone, never finding someone to share a relationship with and always feeling a void in my life, rarely able to come out of my shell. I'm some sort of prisoner.

What are you like physically? Would model railways or cycling have potential? Both of these offer potential in different ways. Cycling is obvious but I am respectful that not everyone has the balance to ride or is able to learn road sense and be safe.
Model railways at first sounds like a hobby that is solitary, but I have found it to offer more potential then that, as it involves so many different aspects and skillsets that it encourages people to get out there and go and have a look at the real railways (From a position of safety) to see and learn how things are done, and toresearch history, and join railway modelling forums where lots of questions can be asked and friendly advice given. There also is the chance to meet people via railway clubs and societies... Many societies are specific to a certain scale and gauge and this means that they mostly operate via either online or via a small magazine or both to connect people, while they also have members who may be in your area who may occasionally call in if invited.
These days, the idea that model railways is a boys or men only past time has gone out the window as today there are many modellers who are not male out there, so maybe it is a hobby where one will meet someone?

I thought I would mention these two hobbies just to give possibilities. (If one wants to get into model railways or cycling, do not be put off with prices, as there are always cheaper ways... Usually someone has a spare bicycle they can sell cheap, or they may have secondhand trains to sell etc., so there are always ways round things to make a start).

I mention these two hobbies just because they do offer potential, as one can get so enthusiastic that meeting people can be less daunting then it would be if one had no common ground.

Blue_Blake, I'm sorry you are feeling so separate. There is no easy answer to where you find yourself, but participating in a forum is one way you can make friends, even if they are only "virtual" (online-only). My daughter has a lot of anxiety problems (panic attacks, PTSD, agoraphobia) but has created a microcosm where she does okay. Good luck to you.

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