does anyone prefer

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I'd like to be myself, accepted as I am without the pressure or feeling like I have to be something/ someone that is accepted by others.

I feel bitter that I have ASD, even though I'm only mildly affected. It's probably because I'm mildly affected, as I can actually imagine what it's like to be NT and what I'd be like, etc.

I think I just find it depressing and frustrating that an Aspie can be very socially skilled in many areas yet still get excluded from social activities with their peers. That's what happens to me and it often hurts. I wish I didn't have to live with such a complex sh***y unfortunate brain wiring. As an extrovert with the same natural social desires as the average NT, it will always cause me to feel depressed and doubt myself.

There’s more shame in being a party animal, making women pregnant, and doing many “rite of passage” NT things than in being a hard-working Aspie.

I’m not “proud” of being autistic….but Im not ashamed, either.

Even in kindergarten, I wondered why most people were so unbelievably stupid and obsessed with things that were worthless to me. I never wanted to be one of them. Now I have more understanding, but still have no desire to join the "normal" world's obsessions with trends, appearances and authority.

On rare occasions, I've had sleep dreams where I feel I'm mostly neurotypical (NT) - readily interacting with familiar people beyond small-talk.

What's most amazing is these sleep dreams didn't seem based on real-life experiences - go figure!

I prefer to be functional, competent and in control.

Safety, acceptance and love, I already got more than plenty.
And can get even more than I already have, just so as long as my mind does not trick me otherwise.

Could've cared less about NT-ND/autistic-allistic whose life is better dichotomies.

Rather more about how I should treat or adapt against personal inconveniences (accessibility, inheritance, attachments, circumstances) and vulnerabilities (chronic issues, illnesses, developmental issues, traumas) that would get in my way.

And I already confirmed that I don't need to be allistic or an NT to be functioning, gain competence and being in control.

Only a cure against poor sleep and possibly gut issues. And a space no one but me who can get into.

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Asperger's has made me do embarrassing things that I cannot erase from my memory. It's made me do bad things, like when I used to have meltdowns I would verbally lash out at the people I love the most and say nasty things I didn't mean. They knew I didn't actually mean them but it was still unpleasant for them to experience at the time and they don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

My mum has cancer and I heard cancer is caused by stress. I caused my mum a lot of stress in the past, so basically I'm responsible for giving my mum cancer. I've got to live with this thought for the rest of my life. Maybe I don't deserve to live.

Asperger's makes female peers not want to be my friend and it hurts. I'm quite socially skilled compared to what I used to be, but no matter how friendly, empathetic, funny and interested in them I am I still seem to fail. An NT female could love my sense of humour, admire my loyalty, think I'm fun to be around, feel comfortable chatting to me, share interests, and know that I'm a great listener with good empathy, but still ghost me or exclude me from their social activities. I really don't understand where I'm going wrong or what people actually want out of me. Is it because I don't drink? Is it because I'm unattractive? Is it because I'm dumb?

Yeah, f**k Asperger's - it's never brought much joy or use to my life. Just makes my mum ill and that's it.

I prefer to become acquainted with thoughtful people who are on the Autism Spectrum - yet NT-like!