Are Asexual/Aromatic Aspies Common?

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catpiecakebutter
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21 Jun 2021, 8:14 pm

I think I'm aromantic because I'm a woman who is attracted to men but doesn't want to date them. I know I'm heterosexual but do fit in the definition of aromatic? And are asexual/aromatic aspies common?



rdos
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22 Jun 2021, 6:22 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I think I'm aromantic because I'm a woman who is attracted to men but doesn't want to date them. I know I'm heterosexual but do fit in the definition of aromatic? And are asexual/aromatic aspies common?


Yes, but the reason is pretty complex. Two relevant traits are that many Aspies dislike dating and find sexual intercourse disgusting, but none of those have "labels", and so people end up using aromantic and asexual as place-holders.



kraftiekortie
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22 Jun 2021, 8:41 am

If you feel "romantic" about men-----yet don't want to date them--I don't find that you are "aromantic." I would guess you are somewhere on the "asexual spectrum."

If you are attracted to men, yet don't want to have sex with them, I wouldn't say you're "asexual." I guess I would believe you are somewhere on the "asexual spectrum."

When I started out feeling romantic and sexual about women, I had an aversion to kissing and actual sex----though I enjoyed fantasizing about it. I had to get accustomed to kissing and sex.



rdos
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22 Jun 2021, 10:09 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you feel "romantic" about men-----yet don't want to date them--I don't find that you are "aromantic." I would guess you are somewhere on the "asexual spectrum."

If you are attracted to men, yet don't want to have sex with them, I wouldn't say you're "asexual." I guess I would believe you are somewhere on the "asexual spectrum."

When I started out feeling romantic and sexual about women, I had an aversion to kissing and actual sex----though I enjoyed fantasizing about it. I had to get accustomed to kissing and sex.


The definition of asexual is to feel no sexual attraction, and most Aspies feel sexual attraction and so should not use the term "asexual" since it is misleading. Unfortunately, there is no other suitable term to use. Somebody should invent one and make fellow Aspies use it instead of asexual/aromantic.



xxZeromancerlovexx
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24 Jun 2021, 8:00 am

I’m asexual but love romance as in kisses, hugs, cuddling and holding hands. Sex has never interested me.

Everyone on the spectrum is different. Being asexual was tough in high school. Some of the students used to make sexual references and it either:

1. I didn’t know what they meant
2. Completely disgusted me

Sorry to vent.


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rdos
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24 Jun 2021, 9:25 am

xxZeromancerlovexx wrote:
I’m asexual but love romance as in kisses, hugs, cuddling and holding hands. Sex has never interested me.

Everyone on the spectrum is different. Being asexual was tough in high school. Some of the students used to make sexual references and it either:

1. I didn’t know what they meant
2. Completely disgusted me

Sorry to vent.


I think this is rather typical. That sex is not interesting or disgusting doesn't necessarily mean you feel no sexual attraction which is how asexual is defined. Feeling sexual attraction and wanting to participate in typical sexual activities are completely different things. However, most NTs cannot imagine that their preferred sexual activities are disgusting to many autistics, and so we must identify with the asexual label in order for them to make sense of it. For NTs, there simply is no possibility of the combination of "feels sexual attraction" and "don't want to participate in typical sex".



nick007
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29 Jun 2021, 8:06 am

You might fit the definition of aromantic OP. Some aromantics like sex but hate the idea of being in a relationship. They may rather do one night stands or have a friends with benefits thing which is mostly just a sex buddy they stick with. Aromantics can also be asexual as well though. The asexuality spectrum can be very complex & it seems fairly common for Aspies to fit in there &/or fit the aromantic label too. I'm sorta on the asexuality spectrum & may fit under the term Demisexual or Greyasexual. I experience romantic attraction & physical attraction & maybe even sexual attraction but I'm not interested in having sex outside of a serious long term relationship. I also don't really need sex in a serious long term relationship either. Having sex can be nice but I much much rather have a serious romantic relationship than have sex. All these sexuality & romantic attraction(or lack there of) labels can be nice sometimes but they can also make things very overly complicated & confusing. Lots of people don't fit any one or two labels to a T since sexuality is a spectrum. People just keep creating more & more labels to find some that they fit exactly & different people can have different meanings for the labels as their popularity & usage rises. Sometimes it's better to try & explain the way we are without using all the labels.


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rdos
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29 Jun 2021, 9:53 am

I don't think autistic relationship & sexual preferences are as complicated as they seem to be. The problem is more that people are socialized based on NT preferences, and then a large number of asexual & aromantic labels have formed that only explains tiny bits of the preferences, or only focus on not having to deal with the NT preferences.

I believe a lot of the labels can be related to autistic preferences:
Asexual - avoiding having to participate in typical sex
Aromantic - dislike for dating
Demisexual - has a bit of relevance since it focuses on mental rather than appearance & social attributes

As a general rule autistic relationship preferences mostly deal with bonding and sex is mostly a mental experience and not a physical. Bonding happens with obsessions, and not with sex.

So, we should have labels that focus on this rather than add more labels that miss the point, which most of the asexual & aromantic labels actually do.