Why don't more women fight back (TRIGGER WARNING)

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SharonB
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06 Jul 2021, 2:55 pm

Fnord wrote:
However, it is fair to point out that It is easier for individuals to act than it is to change society.[/color]


Teasing: It is easier to have individuals act to create a supportive culture than it is for one individual to stand alone in an unsupportive one.

Seriously: The solution to break the vicious cycle is BOTH aspects of course: individual reporting and community support. Together this is the feedback loop of Culture. It's not EITHER/OR. I might ask survivors that have the resources to handle the current invalidation/hostility to report, knowing the majority of survivors do not. I really wish I could have banded folks together at work. Ah.

Creak the cycle: Individuals continue to come forward (recently it's been more), the community demonstrates increased support (recently a little tiny bit, but still super crappy), and so more individuals would come forward... if victims/survivors receive sufficient support --- cycle turns for the better (reports increase); insufficient support, the cycle waffles (reports trickle); increased retaliation and we're back two steps (reports suppressed) --- and all the other nuanced socio-whatever options. My family has come forward more than less times and the results were mostly neglect and retaliation. Hopefully we'll start to see more support so the vicious cycle breaks.



Shinzy
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30 Aug 2021, 6:32 pm

Fnord wrote:
To paraphrase an old saying, the only thing necessary for evil to proliferate is for its victims to do nothing.

Sure, crimes should not be committed in the first place; but once committed, crimes and the people who commit them should immediately be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.[/color]


The best way to help the situation improve is to give support where it's needed the most. A person has to feel safe from their attacker and supported by their friends and/or family, and absolutely by their community. This may allow them to feel better about reporting, although whether or not they do finally do that is up to them and the final decision cannot be judged by anyone.

Find out how you can support your local women's shelter, and other places where people who are trying to escape abusive situations are being cared for. Communicate with your community leaders to ensure that sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and rape are considered vital issues to tackle, and that there are plans on what to do if someone calls for help to protect that person.

Send letters to your school board demanding that comprehensive sexual education is taught in schools, starting as early as possible for age appropriate lessons. Sex ed isn't just about actual sex, but is also about relationships, so it can start in kindergarten with how to treat your friends and family, consent for things like hugs, etc. Later on in higher grade levels more serious topics like partner and spousal abuse need to be brought up. This gives everyone an idea of what to do if it happens- it gives them resources, and also importantly lets them know that it's an issue that is acceptable to talk about.

Reassuring someone that it's ok to talk about abuse goes a long, long way. It also helps to know what to look out for in an abusive situation. An example is that I didn't go to the police when I was sexually assaulted many times in a row, because I was never taught about sexual assault (only rape, and I was not raped) and I thought that what had happened was simply not a crime. It didn't help that "stranger danger" was very instilled into me, and I did not realize that most abuse comes from people you know- I knew everyone who did this to me, I thought I was doing something wrong to make it happen to me because of this. We need to teach these things to everyone so that they don't blame themselves for the actions of predators.

Make sure you are a safe space for everyone around you. Speak up every time you hear someone make jokes about assault or rape, and make it clear those are not welcome things to joke about. This is something so small that makes such a huge difference in the community. Make sure talk like this is never tolerated in your family and friend circles. It makes it clear to anyone who has experienced abuse that you are a safe person who is much more likely to take them seriously if they need to talk.

We can't solve this issue quickly with one single change. Not everyone will always want to report being abused or raped, and that's ok. But we can improve our society in a way that protects those who are abused so that they feel safe enough to make a report if they wish.



Fireblossom
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31 Aug 2021, 10:58 am

Shinzy wrote:
Make sure you are a safe space for everyone around you. Speak up every time you hear someone make jokes about assault or rape, and make it clear those are not welcome things to joke about. This is something so small that makes such a huge difference in the community. Make sure talk like this is never tolerated in your family and friend circles. It makes it clear to anyone who has experienced abuse that you are a safe person who is much more likely to take them seriously if they need to talk.


I should probably put a TRIGGER WARNING to the following:

Reminded me of this guy I had a date with a couple of years back. Met him on a dating site, we talked, he seemed decent if not a little weird, so we had a date. Went well enough, but after the date we continued talking in the dating app and he made a rape joke. Not a fan of such jokes (dark humor yes, but not that type), I asked if there was something wrong with him. I admit, I should've worded that more nicely, like simply told that I don't approve of such jokes, but after that... well, he got offended because I "questioned his mental health." That took the conversation in to more serious direction, and I did mention that I have a little trust issues due to past experiences... what do you think he said to that? That I should start trusting bla bla bla I don't even remember it all, but we stopped talking soon after that.
And as a side note, he was the first but not the last guy I've been on a date with who's made a rape joke. Do I attract creeps for some reason or is it common for men to tell rape jokes on a date???