What's your opinion on physical punishment for kids

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auntblabby
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14 Jul 2021, 2:15 am

i think too many parents are not prepared to be parents.



Joe90
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14 Jul 2021, 8:17 am

When I'm out in public I have seen a very interesting pattern of behaviour of toddlers. Their behaviour depends on how their parents are talking to them and what tone they use. If a parent is patient, 'includes' the toddler to help distract them from tantrums (like getting them to help put items into the basket) and getting down on their level when talking to them, the toddler seems to be calmer and less likely to start screaming and crying at nothing. When the parents are 'chavvy', impatient, passive-aggressive, talks to the kids like they're teens or adults, and are too 'bossy' (like snatching a toy out of their hands yelling "no you can't have it!"), the kids just react by screaming and whining and there is no decent communication going on.
I'm not saying these communication techniques work all the time with every toddler, and I do admit that generally the more kids people have in tow the more arguments and whining will go on, but it is a pattern I see in supermarkets and other public environments.
And I do understand that toddlers and kids are put on this earth to exasperate you, but there are ways to have much happier toddlers when you're out.

From the age of 2 I was taught that children must be seen and not heard when around adults in public places. If my mum took me into a public library she'd put her fingers to her lips and say in a quiet tone, "you must be very good and quiet in the library, because libraries are quiet places and being noisy might make some people feel sad." So I took her word for it and was quiet in the library, and if I did forget myself and shout or whine my mum would remind me that we are in a library and that I must whisper. It was a good way of teaching me where it's appropriate to be noisy and where it's not. Children can be taught this at a young age.
I remember one time I went into a library a few years ago and there was this brat running around the place screaming at the top of its lungs, as though it was a child's playground. Its parents were nowhere in sight, so basically they were just letting their toddler run around loose making as much noise as it possibly can. So it's obvious that these parents were the type of parents that taught their kid no boundaries or respect.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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15 Jul 2021, 8:45 am

In your situation, correlation not the same as causation

Ten people get the same thing, and it affects them ten different ways

The ends does not (always) justify the means

Habituation versus desensitization

Some parents use corporal punishment too much. A micromanager at work said that if his kids don't use deodorant, "they get a whipping".

Child protective services sometimes needs to get involved

However, some children could benefit from corporal punishment

Dr Spock versus shoguns ghost


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magz
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15 Jul 2021, 9:29 am

Don't get me wrong - by saying it didn't traumatize me, I don't mean it was good. I think it was mostly unnecessary in my case. Just a could be, could do without.
Emotional abuse was in my case a way more serious problem - but not so easy to tackle with stated laws.

By focusing on physicality, we're missing situations like that and feed secrecy of abusive situations.

Also, I agree with Joe on tantrum and toddler behavior regulation. Paying serious attention to the child prevents tantrums getting worse - and calmly setting boundaries and reminding what's expected when they cross them works quite well even on very small children.
It's not about giving the child what they wants. I still remember hugging my daughter while saying: "We agreed on a small ice cream, so I won't buy you a big one. Do you want a small one or do we go home?" And more hugs.
She calmed down in a minute (of course, deciding to have the previously agreed small ice cream :D )

Also, when your toddler is running towards a busy street, you grab them in a way that values efficacy over gentleness ;)


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Valforwing
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01 Aug 2021, 11:13 pm

I grew up in a household that used corporal punishment on me. For my younger brother he was allowed to run free. We are about 9 years apart but the difference is very apparent that he was coddled growing up and still is. That being said for my own child I prefer taking his toys away and denying him things such as tv or putting him in time out for punishment. I do use corporal punishment but I do it very spareingly because I don’t want to hurt him. Mostly it’s when he does things that will actually be dangerous. Like chewing on electric cords, I used to have to pop him often until he finally stopped.