therapist

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I applaud you for keeping at the search for what you need.


15 years after my last counselor, it took ~1+ year (after admitting I needed one again) and one major letdown before I found an ADHD therapist plus a flexible but cautious psychiatrist that turned out to be a good fits for my needs.

I really steel myself--especially after the shocker--to be ready to insist on how things were going to go, including being ready to politely say "I don't think this is going to work." For things to work, I've had to review and/or write in my journal on what I wanted to work on--and maybe ideas for how.

That said, I think I've heard something like, "You have to know what you want to get out of therapy" or "You will only get what you put into it" as some kind of typical advice for success in therapy. However, with my anxiousness (better now--for multiple reasons), poor executive function skills, and erratic interpersonal communication skills, I've found that my version of implementing that advice is... I think something like: "Therapy is just one small part of my collection of tools for forward progress." And then I've had to keep trying to explicitly journal and plan on what tools or "projects" I wanted to work on for myself.(*)

Otherwise, I easily find myself slipping into a too-comfortable chatting-my-head-off mode--with either a therapist, trusted couple of family members, or overly-accepting/friendly coworker. It's taken awhile to realize that chatting endlessly doesn't really do much in the long term (although maybe helping you feel like you're "heard"... but even that has it's limits, if they don't engage meaningfully back.)



Re: moving
I'm facing a move myself--to follow my ex & kids to a new state.

(*)I've made a collection of all the "tools" that have me in a good place and good trajectory--or that I think I want to try next: e.g. routines, books/articles/you tube channels, helpful things and helpful people, exercises, sleep aids & sleep hygiene, work or personal de-stress tactics, "tricks" for keeping me engaged with caring family or friends, work & home strategies, etc. I've been afraid that when I move and things are all turned upside down & new, that I'll get lost in an ADHD-squirrell-overwhelmed-by-newness mode and lose track of self-care and personal progress that I've worked hard to figure out.

On a side note, I'm compiling a "bucket list" of things to finish/close on and people to say goodbye/thank you to before I leave. (I've been in the same city and same company for half my life now.) My ex did that with the kids before they left--although that was mostly for fun things to experience--, and so I did that with them, too: it really helped, I think. (So has trying to call each on a different set day & time for each.)

I think I'm at the point where I think I know what I'm "taking with me" that I want to "keep." Now, I need to do more of exploring the new city I'm heading to and building a little interest in it, too. (Again, my ex did this with the kids: classes to take at the new schools, possible places to live w/ parks to play at, places to eat at or do fun things at, etc.)

I spotted an ASD social group on psychology.com. I might even try a remote/video therapists--perhaps Betterhelp.com or something, or ask the insurance for someone who is licensed in both states--as a transition.
... Hmmm... more plans & ideas to think about....



Yes: here's to saying goodbye to what we have to leave, taking with us what we can that helps, and hello to the new.