Women not talking to me
Jamesy
Veteran
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom
Happens to me too, with both men and women, strangers and people I've met before. I think that people tend to pick a person or two to talk to when there's a larger group of strangers, and who gets picked depends on the first impression they get from the person's body language and appearance combined. Been trying to fix this by looking as good as I can while still dressing appropriately for the occasion whenever I know I'm gonna meet new people and by paying attention to my own body language. Sometimes it works at first, but then the actual socializing part comes along and when people notice I'm bad at that, they tend to focus more attention on someone else. So, more practice for me, it seems.
Have you ever consciously paid attention to your own body language? For example, I've read that having your arms crossed when around other people gives a message that you don't want to be talking to people. Something about it showing that your guard is up...? Also, how is your eye contact? Do you stare? If you do, I'd recommend fixing that; most people don't like that.
When I go out in a group of women we usually go out to enjoy each other's company. We go to try some different cocktails at a new bar for example, or we are having a meal before going to a show, we are not out to meet new people.
I don't think you should take it personally. People are just busy in their own world's, having their own fun. They don't care who else is there.
Were they (the women around) with your group or there as their own group(s)? Did you try talking to any of them or just wait for them to talk with you?
The few times I've gone to a bar with friends (all women or mixed), I found it really creepy when random guys just kept trying to talk with me and wouldn't go away even when I was blunt. It shouldn't take having men around in the group to be left alone. So women not being interested in talking to others makes perfect sense to me. And making eye contact doesn't mean "I'm into you", but I've had to learn to avoid making it in bars or men just seem to think it's a huge "come talk with me and never leave me alone" sign.
Eta: I will not get into a huge, nitpicky, in-depth convo about this.
I was at the bar last night with my associates and none of the women who were hanging around with us talked to me.
Jamesy
Veteran
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom
The few times I've gone to a bar with friends (all women or mixed), I found it really creepy when random guys just kept trying to talk with me and wouldn't go away even when I was blunt. It shouldn't take having men around in the group to be left alone. So women not being interested in talking to others makes perfect sense to me. And making eye contact doesn't mean "I'm into you", but I've had to learn to avoid making it in bars or men just seem to think it's a huge "come talk with me and never leave me alone" sign.
Eta: I will not get into a huge, nitpicky, in-depth convo about this.
I was at the bar last night with my associates and none of the women who were hanging around with us talked to me.
I do wait for them to talk to me first
Jamesy
Veteran
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom
If all you are going to do is hang back and wait for a woman to be attracted to you, then you will be waiting much longer than the guys who mingle, smile, and say 'Hello'.
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Jamesy
Veteran
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom
If all you are going to do is hang back and wait for a woman to be attracted to you, then you will be waiting much longer than the guys who mingle, smile, and say 'Hello'.
Are you still angry with me for what I did to my parents house?
Oh yeah, the eye contact thing. It seems that some men also think that a woman being polite to them = flirting. I've seen that attitude from some men on WP, too. In that sense, as a woman, it might be safer to always be just a little rude to all men, just so that they don't get the wrong idea. Not that all men are that delusional, but one can't really tell the ones that are and the ones that aren't apart without getting to know them.
Eye contact is important. I was at a party. It was in a big hall. A few years ago and a guy said an enthusiastic hello to me, but I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. I was on my way to do something and he was walking on the other direction.
Totally pointless. I couldn't tell who had actually said hello when I looked round.
So I'm not sure who I ignored and went on my way.
A man places an order with a waitress. In doing so, he makes eye contact with the waitress and/or smiles at her, just to be nice. His wife/girlfriend sees this and sooner or later accuses him of flirting with the waitress. He is baffled ("I was just being nice!"), and she is angry ("You were flirting! Do you know her? How long have you known her? Did she give you her phone number? What is her name?" ... et cetera, ad infinitum ...).
Take my ex-wife...
... please!
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