Was what I did really that bad?

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Last night when I was out at the pub I was sitting at the table with some of the regulars I knew (about 4 or 5 of them). All of a sudden some of my younger friends turned up and I went to join them. We all went to another pub.


Got a text on my phone today saying from one of the regulars “were are not happy with you for the way you left us and going another bar last night without telling us”.


I am guessing your going to say what I did was wrong? I was a bit drunk at the time it happened.

Don't worry about it; it's a minor issue. Relax.

Are these your “best mates,” or are these guys just people you hang out with in the bar?

If the latter, just ignore those texts. You did nothing wrong bar-etiquette wise when you went off with the other guys.

Those older guys aren’t your lovers!

These friends of yours are just sensitive and take everything personally.

Seems odd to me. Are they the sort of people who'd worry about you because you left without telling them you were leaving?

I only ask because I used to go home on my own without telling people I'd been drinking with when I'd had enough and I didn't realise it upset/worried people.

People do things when they are drinking that they often don’t think about, but could hurt someone’s feelings. The people you left need to realize that there was no ill intent and that you had just been drinking. I don’t see a reason to be upset really.

I went out drinking with a group of 3 other friends, my friend and I got really drunk and left the other two friends at the bar and got an Uber without them. We were in another city even... we went back to the hotel and the other two friends were upset. We apologized, said we were drunk, and then they weren’t upset anymore. True friends will forgive and forget. If they don’t.. who needs them? Seems dumb to be upset, and especially stay upset. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Maybe it was your turn to buy the next round, or maybe you did not pick up your tab at all.

I assume your friends are NTs.

If NTs find drinking and getting drunk so appealing and trendy then you'd have thought they'd understand the consequences being drunk typically causes, like people doing selfish things without realising or hurting someone's feelings without meaning to, etc.

Yes, I would agree that what you did was pretty bad because you broke some unwritten social rules of a relationship.

1. You originally agreed to go out with group A and if you are getting together with a group, you stay with the group unless
1. You're not feeling well
A. Unless the other people agree that it's ok to break off from the group and catch up with your other friends

2. When you leave a group out of the blue, that gives people the idea that you are not really interested in them while your younger friend is more important

Regarding your apology, it sounds like you did you part, still actions speak louder than words. If you have apologized before and kept pulling what you did then people tend not to trust you. What you may not realize is that you hurt their feelings because it sounds like they looked forward to seeing you.

It might have been “rude”—but the texts, I find, were over the top.

James is not their lover.