I don't know who to talk to about my problems anymore.

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FranzOren
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28 Jun 2021, 6:38 pm

Whenever I tell my mom that I have been bullied for being learning disabled, she gets angry and tells me that it was a long time ago and that I should forget about it.

It f*****g makes me upset, because I still stem from insecurity.

I also felt depressed and blamed myself for being learning disabled.

I just want to break the mirror whenever I see myself.



TimmyTurnerFan1
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28 Jun 2021, 10:17 pm

I'm sorry you're going through that!

Your mother shouldn't talk to you like that, she needs to show more compassion. Maybe it was in the past but it still hurts! I know because many past events, whether being bullied or whatever, still hurts me!

It is true we should try to get over what's happened in our lives but it's not that easy and it's not that simple! Eventually it comes back to us, including in our dreams! I've been bullied and abused in my life!

I also know the feeling of not knowing who to talk to! You cannot trust anyone these days and people can be so judgmental! And I don't like apathetic or incompassionate people!

The only advice I can give you is to pray with all your heart. And perhaps tell your mother how you really feel, calmly and respectfully, but explain how it makes you feel. Your should and needs to care about you! And there are people who do care about you, feel for you, and are willing to help, and I hope you find someone who will listen, be patient, and help you. And I hope your mother shows more understanding of you like mine eventually did. Almost wish I could share my mother with you!

And please do not do any damage, not to yourself, to your property or anyone or anything else. Know that you are loved and that are wonderfully made and while I don't know you, you're more precious than all the gold and diamonds in the world! I speak not as someone romantically in love with you but as someone trying to offer encouragement!

So please, take GOOD care of yourself and know you're loved and cared for even if it doesn't seem that way!

I hope any of what I said helped and I'm sorry I couldn't be of better help or give better advice. :o

Hug?



FranzOren
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28 Jun 2021, 10:22 pm

Thank you!

I am not saying that my mom is a bad person, it's just what she tells me makes me upset. I do have good relationship with my mom, she is a good person.

I don't like to blame her as she is the most bad person in the world. My mom is a good person, it's just she sometimes tells me to let it go and I find that very hard to do. I hope you know what I mean.



Mountain Goat
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29 Jun 2021, 8:02 am

Sometimes people say things which are not always ideal.

You may find that bullying can come from people who do not realize that they are bullying. This has happened to me in the past when what to them was teenagers messing about to me was a very serious event that had a large impact on my life.



Earthbound_Alien
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29 Jun 2021, 8:09 am

You are not to blame for your learning disabilities.

Don't blame yourself, don't do that or let society encourage you to do it.

Society has a long way to go when it comes to letting go of ignorance.

x



TimmyTurnerFan1
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29 Jun 2021, 8:39 am

I do know what you mean, FranzOren! I have a good relationship with my mother, also my grandmother who can be very difficult, same with my stepfather, well okay I have an okay relationship with my father and grandmother.

I am sorry if what I said was offensive, I should have thought and prayed before I spoke! And I'm not great at giving advice and don't always say the right things!

While my relationship with my mother is good, sadly we still fight and have high disagreements, and I know this sounds stupid and ridiculous but sometimes I still get mad at her for making me go to college, something I didn't believe in or had no interest in, although sometimes I'm glad I went. Was also suffering from deep depression when I went. Rather not talk too much about this.

My point is, I don't like everything my mother did to me or made me do, well, insisted I do, but she means well and she's my best friend and I trust her more than anyone else!

And I get what you mean by what others say, be it your mother or whomever, making you upset. People say things that upset me even though it wasn't meant to! And I'm trying to work on managing my being upset and my patience with others, especially those who mean me no harm and are trying to help and are only looking out for my best interest! It's not easy!

And I agree with Earthbound_Alien! I could use that advice myself! I mean I don't blame myself for my disability and neither should you, we had absolutely no control over that, but I have blamed myself for my failures, some because of it! Also because of criticism from others, even when I didn't mean to mess up! :( :cry:



FranzOren
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29 Jun 2021, 11:02 am

Thank you! It makes sense.



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29 Jun 2021, 11:25 am

It's not always easy to simply let go of the past but it can hold us back from making progress/

Writing down your feelings on paper or in a text document can help a good deal.

We had a reunion at my high school in the town I grew up in, a three hour drive from here. I had just been diagnosed with Aspergers a while before, and it was 30 years since we matriculated. I found that my diagnosis was a good thing, because apart from understanding myself better, guys who were at school with me apologized on Facebook and other platforms for how they had treated me in school. Others came in person at the reunion to say sorry. As guys mature most of them lose that childish streak that makes them cruelly tease others for being diffferent, or harassing them.

It's not so easy for us to forget and move on, but you'll probably find that they would be ashamed at their earlier behaviour and let bygones be bygones. You can't help your disability but we can make the best of them, and focus on strengthening our strong points rather than dwelling on the weak ones.

You're a very valued person on here and I'm glad you get on OK with your mom, who means well and wants what she feels is best for you. It might not always seem so! Those of us with supportive family members should feel privileged and blessed since not all of us are so fortunate. I'm glad mine have always been supportive, especially since they found out the root cause of my differences.


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FranzOren
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29 Jun 2021, 12:55 pm

Thank you!



Double Retired
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29 Jun 2021, 3:40 pm

FranzOren wrote:
Whenever I tell my mom that I have been bullied for being learning disabled, she gets angry and tells me that it was a long time ago and that I should forget about it.
Perhaps seeing you unhappy about something that cannot be changed makes her unhappy, too. She is probably happier when you are happy.

You probably won't forget about being bullied (I haven't). Perhaps you can put it in perspective...the further you get from something the smaller it looks. It's still a bad thing but it matters less and less the further you are from it.

P.S. I hope you are not spending all your time looking back. I hope you are also looking forward so you can choose your path wisely. And looking around where you are might be interesting, too.


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FranzOren
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29 Jun 2021, 3:57 pm

That does make sense. Thank you!



AngelL
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14 Jul 2021, 8:11 pm

Double Retired wrote:
FranzOren wrote:
Whenever I tell my mom that I have been bullied for being learning disabled, she gets angry and tells me that it was a long time ago and that I should forget about it.
Perhaps seeing you unhappy about something that cannot be changed makes her unhappy, too. She is probably happier when you are happy.


Very astute. I know this thread is dated a couple of weeks, but I just arrived and would like to add a bit; I hope no one minds. I too was bullied - horribly. That was many decades ago but despite my best efforts, there are still remnants of the trauma from those experiences that I carry with me today. I am still a work in progress. I glance backwards though, so I can see what I can learn to help me go forward - not so I can return again and again to the past.

I have a similar issue today with my father. My father has been the only consistent person in my life for my fifty-six years, and he has done his level best to be the best father he could possibly be. Overall, he's done a great job. In the last ten days or so however, his best has sucked. In the 35 years since I turned 21 years old, he's yelled at me twice, right up until about ten days ago - now we're at six times. Worse, though it is not my fault, I caused it.

I've hid behind masks my entire life to cover up my differentness, my fears, my anxieties, etc. I've done a great deal of work on me and finally decided that the relationship with my father that I wanted to have, required me to become vulnerable and show him who I really was behind the facade. Ten days ago, he received a letter from me in which I explained some of my struggle - not all of it, not even close, but a necessary step toward authenticity in my relationship with him. It did not go well.

My dad has an image of me that he projects and protects. It is this facsimile of me, this ‘idea’ of me, that he is in relationship with. As a result, he is becoming deeply resentful at my strides toward greater authenticity, as doing so threatens the relationship he currently has and would continue. Initially, I feared that his recent tendency toward what I’ve interpreted as cruelty, was retribution for damaging his image of me, but I no longer think so.

For instance, on Monday, I was white-knuckling sanity. He called me; and when he did, he heard the anxiety in my voice and asked me about it. I explained that the fire-alarm had gone off eleven times during the previous four and a half hours, for a total of two hours and forty-seven minutes. I was literally shaking from the over-stimulation. I shared that I was living with this perpetual fear of the next time it would go off, wondering if it’ll be this second…or this one…or this one… “So have they fixed it now?” he asked.

Later, I realized, he’s not trying to confuse me. He doesn’t reply in ridiculous, insensitive, or caustic ways because he is trying to be cruel; he does so because he isn’t listening to me. The image of his son that he holds does not have room for mental illness, vulnerability, fear, or innocence. When I share thoughts or behaviors that are incongruent with his idea of me, his only solution is to block out the offending reality. There's a lot of things I do poorly in life; my dad has stood by me in spite of those shortcomings. How can I do any less for him?



FranzOren
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14 Jul 2021, 9:39 pm

I am sorry to hear that. I hope all goes well.



AngelL
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14 Jul 2021, 11:35 pm

Thanks. And you with your mom. I probably should have said that I believe a lot of my dad's anger at me 'messing with' his idea of me, has to do with the fact that the son HE knows, is happy. And not just happy - nope, he's "next-level" smart, and tough? His son can't be hurt - impervious to pain. Most important though, is that his son is happy. But if what I'm telling him is true, if that facade is a lie... then his son, who he loves dearly, is actually a deeply sad, lonely, and broken man who is not happy...and hasn't been for a very, very long time. I can see where he, being the person he is, would resist believing it was true. My thought was, that like my father, your mom might be frustrated at her own helplessness to 'fix' what's bothering her child so she decided that denying it is the next best thing. I, of course, have no knowledge of your mom as an individual, but that, "Can't fix it so....deny it!" paradigm seems to be popular.



FranzOren
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15 Jul 2021, 1:10 am

It makes sense.



envirozentinel
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15 Jul 2021, 5:46 am

AngelL wrote:
Double Retired wrote:
FranzOren wrote:
Whenever I tell my mom that I have been bullied for being learning disabled, she gets angry and tells me that it was a long time ago and that I should forget about it.
Perhaps seeing you unhappy about something that cannot be changed makes her unhappy, too. She is probably happier when you are happy.



For instance, on Monday, I was white-knuckling sanity. He called me; and when he did, he heard the anxiety in my voice and asked me about it. I explained that the fire-alarm had gone off eleven times during the previous four and a half hours, for a total of two hours and forty-seven minutes. I was literally shaking from the over-stimulation. I shared that I was living with this perpetual fear of the next time it would go off, wondering if it’ll be this second…or this one…or this one… “So have they fixed it now?” he asked.




Fire alarms and other invasive noises are horrible. The same thing goes for power generators or machinery such as angle grinders. I used to have to go out during power outages, as the large supermarket that used to be behind us but since moved, had a generator going during such outages and since I couldn't play my usual music to block out the sound with the power off, my only option was to take a book and sit it out somewhere a block or two away where there was no noise.


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