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Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:01 pm

From what I have said on wrong planet about my experiences of going to the pubs/bar do you think I should consider quitting going to these places or not?



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:12 pm

If you want to find romance, I'd go to venues other than bars.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you want to find romance, I'd go to venues other than bars.


Why do you think bars are a bad place to find romance?



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:25 pm

They are bad places for ASPIES to find romance.

If I stuck to bars, I'd be a 60-year-old virgin.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
They are bad places for ASPIES to find romance.

If I stuck to bars, I'd be a 60-year-old virgin.



Sorry but can you elaborate as to why bars are not a great place for aspies to find romance?



IsabellaLinton
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29 Jun 2021, 4:30 pm

They are noisy, so that means most people judge each other by looks instead of personality.

There's no obvious topic for a conversation except for the bar itself.

If you want to actually meet someone and talk to them, it's easier if you are somewhere like a museum, a park, or a location of mutual interest. Then you can talk about that interest.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:33 pm

There are nice women who go to bars.

Usually, though, people who are not seen as being "hip," or who don't dress in the latest styles, are not usually successful in bars.

I went that route. Quit after maybe a few months. After that, I just went to bars to play pool.

It's a very "physical" sort of situation. And I'm just not the kind of guy women in bars would go for. It doesn't mean the women are bad---but this is just reality.

People who are quiet intellectuals don't do well in that noisy atmosphere.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:36 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
They are noisy, so that means most people judge each other by looks instead of personality.

There's no obvious topic for a conversation except for the bar itself.

If you want to actually meet someone and talk to them, it's easier if you are somewhere like a museum, a park, or a location of mutual interest. Then you can talk about that interest.




You saying that most aspies who go to bars can’t look ‘good’ since most people judge each other by looks in those setting?

Whenever I go to bars I always make sure I am well groomed and smartly dressed.



IsabellaLinton
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29 Jun 2021, 4:40 pm

Kraftie,
Also most men go to bars with their mates. If a woman wanted to meet someone the odds are she might pick one of your friends instead of you. It's more socially commonplace for people to go to museums or hobby places alone, and that also makes it more natural to strike up conversation with a stranger.

Jamesy,
No that's not what I'm suggesting at all. I'm sure you look fine. But you said you are looking for romance. That means you want to get to know the person emotionally. That involves talking. It's harder to talk and discover a connection in places that tend to be dark and noisy, where physical attributes emphasised over personality.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:42 pm

Do you only like women who go to bars?

Dressing "smart" doesn't get you attention. Bars are usually very superficial places. Women tend to go for more "macho" types than women in places other than bars. It doesn't mean they are "bad" women or superficial women. It just means they like that sort of guy.

I'm not that "sort of guy." And I've always known that. And, quickly, I stopped going to bars to try to find romance.

I guess you really like bars. That's why you're not really "listening" to the advice given here.

I wouldn't go to a museum to seek romance. I'm not "immediately articulate" enough. I'm not seen as being the erudite type at first glance.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:44 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Do you only like women who go to bars?

Dressing "smart" doesn't get you attention. Bars are usually very superficial places. Women tend to go for more "macho" types than women in places other than bars. It doesn't mean they are "bad" women or superficial women. It just means they like that sort of guy.

I'm not that "sort of guy." And I've always known that. And, quickly, I stopped going to bars to try to find romance.

I guess you really like bars. That's why you're not really "listening" to the advice given here.

I wouldn't go to a museum to seek romance. I'm not "immediately articulate" enough. I'm not seen as being the erudite type at first glance.





At the moment I dislike going to the bar. I have been going to these places now since late 2013 so it’s become so routine bound for me to go there on the weekends.



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:46 pm

Then find some other place to go to.

By the time I was about 22, I had stopped going to bars and clubs----except maybe to a bar to play pool or one of those bowling games.

The characters you seem to hang out with-----wouldn't be my cup of tea, frankly.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Then find some other place to go to.

By the time I was about 22, I had stopped going to bars and clubs----except maybe to a bar to play pool or one of those bowling games.

The characters you seem to hang out with-----wouldn't be my cup of tea, frankly.




Can I point out that I go to the pub as well. I think there is a difference between pubs and the bar if I am not mistaken?



kraftiekortie
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29 Jun 2021, 4:51 pm

I'm guessing a "pub" is more the type of place that serves Sunday roasts, and has soccer matches on the telly all the time. A more "classy" sort of place than a bar.

And they might even have trivia contests.

They are sort of similar to the "bar-restaurant" in the US.



Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 4:53 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm guessing a "pub" is more the type of place that serves Sunday roasts, and has soccer matches on the telly all the time. A more "classy" sort of place than a bar.

And they might even have trivia contests.

They are sort of similar to the "bar-restaurant" in the US.



I have met some really unpleasant characters at the pub as well



IsabellaLinton
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29 Jun 2021, 4:59 pm

You've said several times that you are having trouble meeting women in pubs / bars, so it's clear you should try something else whether you like pubs and bars or not.


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