Rambling about how confusing gender can be?

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HeroOfHyrule
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02 Jul 2021, 2:38 pm

I find thinking about my gender identity to be confusing.

I am pretty sure I want to be known as and referred to as a male, but I also often feel like I don't have any attachment to being referred to as male or female, and like I don't care what I am seen as by other people.

Sometimes I feel like my concept/perception of gender is partly undeveloped in a way, maybe from my autism. This isn't usually distressing though, unless other people push their expectations of men (or women, if I don't pass to someone) onto me and get irritated at me for not following them.

I just do what I like to do and that's apparently not acceptable, but I've never fully gotten why? I don't get why other people care so much, or why I'm supposed to care. I think that if I didn't have any of those expectations put onto me things wouldn't be as confusing.


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I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
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Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
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You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Bradleigh
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02 Jul 2021, 5:54 pm

Perhaps you are transmasculine non-binary? That is you might shift between male and then something other than binary?

Don't feel too pressured to have to fit yourself to an identity, just do what feels comfortable. Gender can be confusing, better to experiment with what feels right rather than find that you were forcing yourself with another identity.

How does being referred to as he or they feel better than she?

All the same, something like passing or meeting some level of masculinity shouldn't be needed for you to be recognised as a guy.


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HeroOfHyrule
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07 Jul 2021, 10:31 am

Bradleigh wrote:
Perhaps you are transmasculine non-binary? That is you might shift between male and then something other than binary?

Don't feel too pressured to have to fit yourself to an identity, just do what feels comfortable. Gender can be confusing, better to experiment with what feels right rather than find that you were forcing yourself with another identity.

How does being referred to as he or they feel better than she?

All the same, something like passing or meeting some level of masculinity shouldn't be needed for you to be recognised as a guy.

I've thought about being nonbinary before and I'm not really sure if I am? I really enjoy being seen as man and find being seen as a woman frustrating, plus whenever people have assumed I'm nonbinary or tried to just use they/them pronouns for me I don't really like that either, but I could also just not be used to that... I do think that I identify more masc, though am still relatively GNC, and that I find people's reactions to that confusing since I do not get why anyone would care how I present myself. lol

Either way, I have been avoiding labels lately and, like you said, experimenting since that seems better than attaching myself to anything right now.


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I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Fnord
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07 Jul 2021, 10:55 am

How about claiming "Situational Gender Identity"?

It is flexibility in the expression of sexuality according to circumstances.

Yeah ... I just now made it up.


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magz
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07 Jul 2021, 11:00 am

You're Yourself first. Yourself doesn't need to fit any predefined label.

I guess finding the most comfortable social expression of Yourself can take some time and experimenting.


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HeroOfHyrule
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07 Jul 2021, 12:38 pm

Fnord wrote:
How about claiming "Situational Gender Identity"?

It is flexibility in the expression of sexuality according to circumstances.

Yeah ... I just now made it up.

I think that's technically already a thing, but yes, I could claim that. lol

magz wrote:
You're Yourself first. Yourself doesn't need to fit any predefined label.

I guess finding the most comfortable social expression of Yourself can take some time and experimenting.

Thank you! I am definitely trying to be "Myself" before anything else, and I don't personally care too much about labels, though even though I have been "out" as trans for 6-7 years and "knew" a long time before that things can still be confusing. It definitely takes a long time to figure out who "Myself" is. :lol:


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


magz
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07 Jul 2021, 1:01 pm

I think of gender nonbinarity as some spectrum, with "purely" cis- and trans-people representing the extremes and a continuum of options between them.
At least I think of myself and my real life friends in such terms.


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Persephone29
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07 Jul 2021, 1:13 pm

I just feel like me. I don't have much attachment to the body I'm riding around in. I feel completely cerebral. It's maybe not healthy and I take better care of myself than I used to. But, I feel the same way about my body as I do whatever car I'm riding around in at the moment. It's a vehicle, that's it. As long as it gets me where I want to go, I'd just as soon get there on a skate board, roller skates, a bike, or a car. I read books, so I know that I am a girl. But, that really doesn't mean anything to me either. It's a shell. I've outgrown several in my lifetime, I suspect I'll toss this one at some point.


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Bradleigh
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07 Jul 2021, 5:49 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've thought about being nonbinary before and I'm not really sure if I am? I really enjoy being seen as man and find being seen as a woman frustrating, plus whenever people have assumed I'm nonbinary or tried to just use they/them pronouns for me I don't really like that either, but I could also just not be used to that... I do think that I identify more masc, though am still relatively GNC, and that I find people's reactions to that confusing since I do not get why anyone would care how I present myself. lol

Either way, I have been avoiding labels lately and, like you said, experimenting since that seems better than attaching myself to anything right now.


Sounds like you are comfortable with he/him, but even if you think that you are just not used to they/them you can keep he/him also.

But its cool if you just want to be GNC in addition to being a trans guy. There are additional things too like demiboy if you feel mostly like a boy. But I am also a little confused by your different posts, since you said earlier that you don't have an attachment to being referred to as male or female and don't care what you are seen as by others, but then wrote that you enjoy being seen as a man. Did your introspection just change, or am I missing something about these not contradicting. Please don't feel pressured to have to justify it, what is important is how you feel.

Since the previous post I was also thinking about, based on your user name, pictures of Link in gender non conforming clothes, especially from Tri Force Heroes, or even Breath of the Wild.


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HeroOfHyrule
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07 Jul 2021, 6:38 pm

Bradleigh wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I've thought about being nonbinary before and I'm not really sure if I am? I really enjoy being seen as man and find being seen as a woman frustrating, plus whenever people have assumed I'm nonbinary or tried to just use they/them pronouns for me I don't really like that either, but I could also just not be used to that... I do think that I identify more masc, though am still relatively GNC, and that I find people's reactions to that confusing since I do not get why anyone would care how I present myself. lol

Either way, I have been avoiding labels lately and, like you said, experimenting since that seems better than attaching myself to anything right now.


Sounds like you are comfortable with he/him, but even if you think that you are just not used to they/them you can keep he/him also.

But its cool if you just want to be GNC in addition to being a trans guy. There are additional things too like demiboy if you feel mostly like a boy. But I am also a little confused by your different posts, since you said earlier that you don't have an attachment to being referred to as male or female and don't care what you are seen as by others, but then wrote that you enjoy being seen as a man. Did your introspection just change, or am I missing something about these not contradicting. Please don't feel pressured to have to justify it, what is important is how you feel.

Since the previous post I was also thinking about, based on your user name, pictures of Link in gender non conforming clothes, especially from Tri Force Heroes, or even Breath of the Wild.

I guess I took the "sometimes" out when I changed the wording of my original post. :oops: I do have an attachment to being seen as male, but sometimes I just don't feel like I care about that or care about what people think of me in general, is a better way to word that. Sorry about that.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Bradleigh
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07 Jul 2021, 7:07 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I guess I took the "sometimes" out when I changed the wording of my original post. :oops: I do have an attachment to being seen as male, but sometimes I just don't feel like I care about that or care about what people think of me in general, is a better way to word that. Sorry about that.


Dude, there is nothing to feel sorry about.

I think It is pretty normal, and healthy, to just not care what people think of you. It probably goes into that don't be defined by what boxes other people put you into. There is likely nothing sadder than the people that have to always meet some sort of arbitrary idea of their gender, and expressing gender changes on the individual.

To be open, I rarely actually push my being non-binary onto people, it is not always worth it to create some sort of need to defend myself. Although I did have to confront my family a while back when they started attacking the validity of a transman, that they didn't like for some valid reasons, but using words like "it" and "shemale", which made me really angry. I was kind of right that I got sentences like they will always see me a certain way despite the will support you thing.


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HeroOfHyrule
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09 Jul 2021, 4:25 pm

magz wrote:
I think of gender nonbinarity as some spectrum, with "purely" cis- and trans-people representing the extremes and a continuum of options between them.
At least I think of myself and my real life friends in such terms.

This makes sense and I can agree with this. I am probably not exactly at the "trans" extreme, even if I am closer to it...
Though like I've said I think being autistic complicates things for me, as I probably base a lot of my perceptions of "transness" and "cisness" off of NT people... I don't always "relate" with NT trans people, and that can make me rethink things sometimes.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


HeroOfHyrule
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09 Jul 2021, 4:40 pm

Persephone29 wrote:
I just feel like me. I don't have much attachment to the body I'm riding around in. I feel completely cerebral. It's maybe not healthy and I take better care of myself than I used to. But, I feel the same way about my body as I do whatever car I'm riding around in at the moment. It's a vehicle, that's it. As long as it gets me where I want to go, I'd just as soon get there on a skate board, roller skates, a bike, or a car. I read books, so I know that I am a girl. But, that really doesn't mean anything to me either. It's a shell. I've outgrown several in my lifetime, I suspect I'll toss this one at some point.

I can kind of relate to this. I don't really think about my body much or care about it that much, though I do have some slight attachment to it. It's part of me, but still just something that lets me carry out functions for living and it doesn't have any importance beyond that. I don't care what "parts" I have either, as long as they work right. lol


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


HeroOfHyrule
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09 Jul 2021, 4:44 pm

Bradleigh wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I guess I took the "sometimes" out when I changed the wording of my original post. :oops: I do have an attachment to being seen as male, but sometimes I just don't feel like I care about that or care about what people think of me in general, is a better way to word that. Sorry about that.


Dude, there is nothing to feel sorry about.

I think It is pretty normal, and healthy, to just not care what people think of you. It probably goes into that don't be defined by what boxes other people put you into. There is likely nothing sadder than the people that have to always meet some sort of arbitrary idea of their gender, and expressing gender changes on the individual.

To be open, I rarely actually push my being non-binary onto people, it is not always worth it to create some sort of need to defend myself. Although I did have to confront my family a while back when they started attacking the validity of a transman, that they didn't like for some valid reasons, but using words like "it" and "shemale", which made me really angry. I was kind of right that I got sentences like they will always see me a certain way despite the will support you thing.

I hate when people do that. It really does show how others think of trans people and our gender when they use refusing proper pronoun usage and calling us an "it" as a punishment. My dad does that, and I'm sorry you had to watch your family do that when talking about someone else.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I have two cats, a rabbit, and a dog. I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Persephone29
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14 Jul 2021, 11:48 pm

HeroOfHyrule wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
I just feel like me. I don't have much attachment to the body I'm riding around in. I feel completely cerebral. It's maybe not healthy and I take better care of myself than I used to. But, I feel the same way about my body as I do whatever car I'm riding around in at the moment. It's a vehicle, that's it. As long as it gets me where I want to go, I'd just as soon get there on a skate board, roller skates, a bike, or a car. I read books, so I know that I am a girl. But, that really doesn't mean anything to me either. It's a shell. I've outgrown several in my lifetime, I suspect I'll toss this one at some point.

I can kind of relate to this. I don't really think about my body much or care about it that much, though I do have some slight attachment to it. It's part of me, but still just something that lets me carry out functions for living and it doesn't have any importance beyond that. I don't care what "parts" I have either, as long as they work right. lol


Exactly!


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