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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

05 Jul 2021, 10:13 pm

How do you stop being a conversation killer lol. I feel like I go into every conversation with a knife. Always running out of topics. Which are the best things to talk about what do you enjoy talking about, what do you hate talking about?


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mohsart
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 335
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Jul 2021, 12:41 am

I dislike talking about uninteresting stuff like cars, sports, and the weather.
I like talking about things that interests me, but usually others are completely uninterested in those subjects.
Mental health issues works if the other(s) also have them.
I can talk about anecdotes in life, like "yesterday this driver did this crazy thing on the highway", but those kinds of subjects usually die out with something like "yeah, people are idiots".
I guess what works best is purely professional stuff, like "we need to do this, can I borrrow you and Joe on Wednesday?"

/Mats


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mohsart
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 53
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Posts: 335
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Jul 2021, 12:42 am

I also cannot stop myself from making silly jokes, that sometimes are offending and inappropriate.

/Mats


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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

06 Jul 2021, 4:23 am

mohsart wrote:
I also cannot stop myself from making silly jokes, that sometimes are offending and inappropriate.

/Mats

Ahh I see, I think I understand. Do you mean by professional also by extension situational? like if your at the bar you talk about that, your at work you talk at about professional things. Or your at school you may talk about the classes teachers or future plans


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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

06 Jul 2021, 4:31 am

mohsart wrote:
I also cannot stop myself from making silly jokes, that sometimes are offending and inappropriate.

/Mats

I see so as a result you probably don't talk often. I think this is a big misconception nts have that people with asd are shy in some cases we know that by talking we will come across as something ridiculous. and by not looking in to deep enough you just make the situation worse giving the asd person the wrong advice. Is this true?


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mohsart
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 335
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Jul 2021, 5:10 am

Cloudman wrote:
Ahh I see, I think I understand. Do you mean by professional also by extension situational? like if your at the bar you talk about that, your at work you talk at about professional things. Or your at school you may talk about the classes teachers or future plans

No not really, at work it's easier to keep things structured. I think it helps me to not wander into reasonings that gets me lost or leads to massive misunderstandings.
To be fair, I haven't thought about it too much.

/Mats


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Gonna eat some worms


mohsart
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 335
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Jul 2021, 5:13 am

I talk quite a lot, but often runs out of things to say, or gets misunderstood which I try to tackle by explaining myself and thus talk even more.

/Mats


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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

06 Jul 2021, 5:23 am

mohsart wrote:
Cloudman wrote:
Ahh I see, I think I understand. Do you mean by professional also by extension situational? like if your at the bar you talk about that, your at work you talk at about professional things. Or your at school you may talk about the classes teachers or future plans

No not really, at work it's easier to keep things structured. I think it helps me to not wander into reasonings that gets me lost or leads to massive misunderstandings.
To be fair, I haven't thought about it too much.

/Mats

Oh ok makes sense. Do you have friends at work people who you talk with daily?


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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 5 Oct 2019
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Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

06 Jul 2021, 5:29 am

mohsart wrote:
I talk quite a lot, but often runs out of things to say, or gets misunderstood which I try to tackle by explaining myself and thus talk even more.

/Mats

I do this also does it ever work lol?


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Mona Pereth
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
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Posts: 4,167
Location: New York City (Queens)

06 Jul 2021, 11:05 pm

Cloudman wrote:
How do you stop being a conversation killer lol.

Decide what topics you personally are interested in, and then find people (e.g. via Meetup.com) who share those specific interests.

I expect to have mutually-enjoyable in-depth conversations only with people who share one or more specific interests of mine. I don't expect to go much beyond basic greeting rituals with anyone else.

With a person who shares one or more of my interests, I can have in-depth conversations with them about the common interest(s). We can talk about other things too; we don't have to be limited to the common interest. But, if we do have a strong common interest, then there is never any danger of running out of things to talk about.


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Cloudman
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

07 Jul 2021, 7:11 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Cloudman wrote:
How do you stop being a conversation killer lol.

Decide what topics you personally are interested in, and then find people (e.g. via Meetup.com) who share those specific interests.

I expect to have mutually-enjoyable in-depth conversations only with people who share one or more specific interests of mine. I don't expect to go much beyond basic greeting rituals with anyone else.

With a person who shares one or more of my interests, I can have in-depth conversations with them about the common interest(s). We can talk about other things too; we don't have to be limited to the common interest. But, if we do have a strong common interest, then there is never any danger of running out of things to talk about.
I see great idea! makes sense, do these friendships last usually?


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Mona Pereth
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07 Jul 2021, 7:42 pm

Cloudman wrote:
I see great idea! makes sense, do these friendships last usually?

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

The friendship is most likely to last if:

1) You have more than one interest in common.
2) You also have basic values in common.
3) You like each other as people.


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- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Cloudman
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

08 Jul 2021, 6:45 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Cloudman wrote:
I see great idea! makes sense, do these friendships last usually?

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

The friendship is most likely to last if:

1) You have more than one interest in common.
2) You also have basic values in common.
3) You like each other as people.

I see it's more of an opportunity to be open with people and them to be open with you.


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Mona Pereth
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08 Jul 2021, 5:32 pm

Cloudman wrote:
I see it's more of an opportunity to be open with people and them to be open with you.

If openness is what you value most, then perhaps (after the pandemic is over with) you should seek out a local in-person autistic/Aspie support group and try to make friends there.


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- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Cloudman
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 5 Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Pittsburgh

09 Jul 2021, 2:43 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Cloudman wrote:
I see it's more of an opportunity to be open with people and them to be open with you.

If openness is what you value most, then perhaps (after the pandemic is over with) you should seek out a local in-person autistic/Aspie support group and try to make friends there.

Hmm definitely I'll see it could be an eye opener for me


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Mona Pereth
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10 Jul 2021, 10:39 am

Cloudman wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
If openness is what you value most, then perhaps (after the pandemic is over with) you should seek out a local in-person autistic/Aspie support group and try to make friends there.

Hmm definitely I'll see it could be an eye opener for me

Some autistic/Aspie adult support groups are currently holding chat meetings, usually via Zoom, although some are using phone conference calls or text-based chat. Hopefully these and more groups will start meeting in-person again at some point within the next few months or later this year.

Ways to look for local support groups:

1) Meetup.com. (Try a variety of relevant search terms.)

2) If you live in the U.S.A., Google "Autism Society" followed by the name of your state and/or your nearest major city.


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- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)