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Highly_Autistic
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06 Jul 2021, 5:19 pm

I have zero friends because of Aspergers, anxiety, depression. Also im not attractive or anything so i dont atract people. The last reason: im usually at home and im not doing any much activities outside. How do people socialise, i mean you talk to them first or they approach you first ?



Earthbound_Alien
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07 Jul 2021, 1:47 am

I usually wait for them to approach me first but it does not always work well as people think I am unfriendly, standoffish or aloof.

I am shy though.



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07 Jul 2021, 1:53 am

Poorly, but often pro-actively.


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Edna3362
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07 Jul 2021, 5:05 am

Depends.
In at least three main variables; in a mood for it, being able to and being up for it.

The former two are more important.


If I'm in a mood for it, I'd initiate it. Maybe pull a mischief or two. I will listen and look at people randomly.
If I have all my faculties, I'd be able to do much more than just ordinary socializing or the plain active but odd hit-and-miss.
Whether I'm tired or not, I'd do it. If I'm not very able, I'd still do it shamelessly simply because I'm in a mood.

If not much in a mood, I'd let them be go to me and honor it.
If I'm up for continuing, I'd entertainment them. If not in a state to continue, I'd let them end and mutually end.
While I'm at my best if I'm at this state, I'd just be all business and in control.

If I'm not really in a mood for it, I do not do anything about them approaching and say nothing.
Regardless, I'd be passive at best especially when tired and will leave as soon as possible.
And if I were in a state of being functional, I'd definitely leave and use my time elsewhere.


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DuckHairback
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07 Jul 2021, 5:14 am

I don't really. I used to rely on work for 'friends'. In that sort of environment, where you're spending hours every day stuck in a room with others, working together, I can sometimes forge something like a friendship (although they've never lasted beyond the job).

These days I work alone, from home, so it doesn't happen.

A few years back I joined a writers group and I thought those people had become friends, but none would socialise with me outside of that group and they all fell away once it stopped meeting, so I'm clearly missing something.

If I socialise now, it's with my partner's friends because I have none of my own. I don't ever feel that these people see me as a friend in my own right, I'm just H's partner.



Mona Pereth
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07 Jul 2021, 10:14 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
A few years back I joined a writers group and I thought those people had become friends, but none would socialise with me outside of that group and they all fell away once it stopped meeting, so I'm clearly missing something.

Did any of the people in the writers' group have anything significant in common with you besides writing?


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DuckHairback
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08 Jul 2021, 5:33 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Did any of the people in the writers' group have anything significant in common with you besides writing?


Is one thing not enough? It's a start, surely?



Blueberry_Muffin
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09 Jul 2021, 7:30 pm

I don't talk to people.



WhatTheHey
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09 Jul 2021, 11:54 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Did any of the people in the writers' group have anything significant in common with you besides writing?


Is one thing not enough? It's a start, surely?


I would think it should be, but I'm not sure it always is. My spouse has friends from things they used to do but don't any longer, but it never works out for me, for some reason. The groups that do accept me only do so under very limited circumstances. So, for example, when I leave the job they all fall away. Once in awhile someone "sticks", but it's rarely anything like a deep relationship.


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