How can I get my parents to accept a wide age gap in dating?

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I introduced my gf to my parents, who met my gf by accident because of a situation where I had to meet them to drop something off while I was with her, and they met her and because of the age difference, they had to give a very shall we say... 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner' parent reaction to it.

What's the best way to get your parents to accept the age gap though? I mean should I tell them that not everything about an SO is going to be perfect and a gf is always going to have some flaw, just like how my parents wouldn't see each other as absolutely perfect in every way? Or is that not the best approach?

Is she older or younger?

She's 16 years younger. I'm turning 37 in a bit and she just turned 21 not long ago.

If she had been older, I would have been very jealous.

They might believe that a 21-year-old who wants to date a 37-year-old Aspie could well have an impure motive. How would you respond if that turned out to be what they felt?

Oh I see. Well I guess I would respond with 'well, can't be right about them all...'. But what does that response matter if that's what it turned out to be, compared to what my parents think now?

If you're 37 years old, it's none of their business who you date.

That's true, but it would be nice if they would be more opened minded, or if the relationship is successful, are my parents just going to be awkard about it like at Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners therefore, or can that be solved?

It can be solved by ignoring them when they mistreat you or your girlfriend, instead of enabling them.

Share with them the section in Aspergirls that says many Aspie relationships have large differences, and age is definitely included in the list. I have cousins and friends who have partners over 10 years older. I dated partners my age, but always outside my race/religion, etc. My BFF did both: dated with age as well as cultural differences. Wishing you and your gf the best.

Well I feel there is something obvious here that my parents are not considering... I am autistic and I do not have the same maturity level for a 37 year old compared to other people my age.

I feel that I have the same maturity level as her after we went on a few dates, which is why I think it's been going really well. So that is the reason why we seemed to have clicked is because my maturity level is psychologically lower, because of my condition.

But my parents want me to date someone my own age, even if it means the woman's maturity level will be much higher than mine therefore, because of my condition. If that makes sense?

It really doesn’t matter what your parents think. Your relationship is legal. And it’s not exploitative.

Have they told you why the age difference is such a big deal to them? If so, what are their reasons?

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 14 Jul 2021, 10:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

Well when I pointed out how we were psychologically at the same maturity level they reacted like it was a bad thing, and said "you're at the same maturity level because she is 21!", like it was a bad thing.

They may never totally accept her, but they would likely adore their grandchildren.

It's nobody's business whom you choose to date, regardless of differences in race, nationality, background or age. Of all these, age is the one that people seem to be most shameless about criticizing. Just firmly tell them to butt out.

Have you had this conversation with your parents? If so, and they refuse to accept/understand, that's their problem and if I were you I'd politely ignore them and do as I wished. If not, perhaps it's time for you to have this conversation with them in an attempt to get them to understand.

Fwiw, I Completely get where you're coming from 100%. I'm always attracted to ppl younger than me And get along WAY better with them for the same reasons you listed. Sure, I'm of at least average intelligence, maybe above.. but I don't really "click," with people my age - they're at an entirely different emotional & maturity stage of life than I am.