How can I get my parents to accept a wide age gap in dating?

Post Reply New Topic

Just tell your parents that you're going to do what you want anyways because age doesn't matter, Baby!

Oh okay. Well what I don't understand is, why is physical age maturity more important than psychological maturity with my parents or with a lot of people? It doesn't matter what an SO's psychological maturity level is, just so long as they are close to the same age as you. But why is that?

I think the most important issue is not biological age, rather how old you feel. I don't buy the "maturity level" either since it is inherently an NT concept.

So, if you feel like you are in your 20s, then it should be ok with a partner that does the same (regardless of her biological age).

I feel like I'm 30-40, and I'm completely alien to the thought patterns of same-age people, and thus I would prefer a partner about 20 years younger.

Have you asked your parents why this is so important to them?

Do they even have actual reasons of their own, or are they just worried about what the neighbors might think, or something?

Because people are concerned about what other people think. It's about perception/optics. People can SEE what ages people Look Like, but they can't see what ages people Feel Like. Your parents are either very judgemental themselves and/OR worried that others are going to be judgemental about what they see when they see the two of you together.

With an older guy and younger woman, the assumption is that you're "taking advantage of her," and "robbing the cradle," or whatever - but using your age/wisdom/life experience and powers of persuasion to woo some young innocent girl. Mind you, she's 21, not 16, sooo she is an adult in probably every country in the world and fully capable of making her own decisions - good or bad.

There are other assumptions about larger age gaps, too.. like if a guy (or girl in some cases) is VERY old and they're with someone quite young, the assumption is that the older person has a lot of money and the younger person is after it - just biding their time until the old guy/gal dies and they get to inherit the fortune.. in the meantime living the high life on their dime while they're still alive. So, when the age gap is even greater, it's typically the young person who's looked down upon for taking advantage of the older person's wealth.

These are all "social norm," things - unwritten rules that many people think everyone should abide by. But there are no rules. And if it works out long term, an 16 or 17 year age gap won't be such a big deal at all when she's 40 and you're 57.. or 70 and 87. It's mostly now while people are still young (her) and growing, learning, developing into full grown mature adults that others keep a watchful eye out to make sure that some older smooth talking guy isn't taking advantage of some pretty young thing and simply using them for a sexual play thing vs. growing a loving relationship with them.

These are the facts as I see them, anyways. Do your thing, enjoy your life. Explain to your parents your reasons, and let them know you understand why some may disapprove but neither of you are up to no good and plan to just go with the flow and enjoy each other's company so you'd appreciate it if they understood and you had their blessing. If not, mind your business!

Oh okay thank you very much. Well I told two of my friends the age difference so far as well, and they had a similar reaction to my parents. They don't think that I am trying to take advantage I don't think, or don't think the woman is about money, but I think there is a third category, where they feel I am doing it to overcompensate, if that is what they could be thinking?

You could just be autistically blunt and ask them. "Your reaction indicates you don't approve, may I ask why?" and see what they say.

I could do that. But what I do not understand why is it that peope think that a family member a friend's SO has to be perfect and cannot have any flaws. Is that unrealistic?

Is "perfection" really the issue? Have they told you they want your SO to be "perfect"?

Is there a reason why you are reluctant to ask why they are so concerned about the age difference?

Seems to me that only if you know why concerned, in the first place, can you figure out how best to allay their concerns.

Oh well I am just not sure which approach to take yet when asking them, but I asked them. They said it was weird and that I was old enough to be her dad almost. So that's the reasons, they said.

They didn't say they expected my SO to be perfect, but it seems they judged her on first appearance, based on one imperfection, so that's why I thought that.