Coming Across Even More Different Than I Realized

Page 1 of 3 [ 35 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,936
Location: New Jersey, USA

16 Jul 2021, 1:43 am

Just a general statement for now: I always knew I was different, but I'm starting to think the gap between me and NTs is more like a chasm. I thought I was cognizant of my differences, but now I'm thinking that the way I thought they perceived me may not be accurate.

Oh, I could see most of them picked up something different about me. But how I thought they perceived me (good or bad) may be off the mark. Theory of Mind? I thought I was passing near-normal but not socially interesting. I'm starting to wonder if a lot of these NTs think about me in a much worse light.

Anyone else kind of relate? Anyone else feel their attempts at ToM have shifted and you didn't realize just how different the thought process between you and NTs may be?



neilinmich
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 93
Location: Michigan USA

16 Jul 2021, 3:47 am

I'm right there with you. I recently decided I must have been autistic all my life, but nobody knew it. Now, almost everyday, I think about how everyone must have given up on me a long time ago.
I still don't have a complete picture of how different I must have appeared to others my whole life.
Autism explains how I can be so different and not even know it. I'm blind to some of my differences because for me, it is a lack of something that makes me different and I can't see what's not there.



Harry Haller
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2021
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: to the West

16 Jul 2021, 2:12 pm

Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience)


I don't want to be like them.



Last edited by Harry Haller on 16 Jul 2021, 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,364
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

16 Jul 2021, 2:35 pm

I got at least 4 factors;

Awareness (knowing or not knowing what I look from the onlooker and if I'm doing it right or wrong)
Blending (simply whether I can or cannot pass).
Control (the choice, ability and means or lack of choice to blend)
And Intent (if the situation calls if I deem it mattered I should blend or not, in a mood to do so or not)

I can be aware and inconspicuous, because I can and I care.
I can also be aware but conspicuous because I can and I don't care.
I can be also aware but conspicuous because I can't whether or not I care at the moment.

I can also be unaware and inconspicuous, but not because I can or would, it just does.
I can be unaware, conspicuous, while I can't, I may or may not also care at the moment.

And so on, and so on...


All 4 are all inconsistent. :|
But generally speaking, I don't care. If anything, I wanna get away with anything regardless of what I end up representing myself as.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,936
Location: New Jersey, USA

16 Jul 2021, 3:18 pm

Harry Haller wrote:
Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience)


I don't want to be like them.


Yeah, I can be critical of NT behavior at times, that's not what I was getting at. More of amazement just how different it all is. I realized difference, but it's even more shocking how big the divide is.

What you're describing is the division as I previously saw it. It's even bigger. You may not be aware yet, and hopefully you never will. What they think of us (which can affect how we go about our business) is even more skewed than I imagined, so I'm starting to see.



Harry Haller
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2021
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: to the West

16 Jul 2021, 3:39 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
You may not be aware yet, and hopefully you never will. What they think of us (which can affect how we go about our business) is even more skewed than I imagined, so I'm starting to see.


Oh, I am aware.

It's just that I am very, very certain of myself and so they view me as being merely "Eccentrically Brilliant"
-- and a little intimidating



ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,936
Location: New Jersey, USA

16 Jul 2021, 3:45 pm

Harry Haller wrote:
ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
You may not be aware yet, and hopefully you never will. What they think of us (which can affect how we go about our business) is even more skewed than I imagined, so I'm starting to see.


Oh, I am aware.

It's just that I am very, very certain of myself and so they view me as being merely "Eccentrically Brilliant"
-- and a little intimidating


If true, that's good. But step outside your comfort zone. You sound much like I did. That's how I assumed I was being perceived. You may be shocked and scared if you knew how you were really perceived.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

16 Jul 2021, 3:46 pm

Harry Haller wrote:
Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience).


That's because, according to Aspies here, it's immoral, unethical and hypocritical for Aspies to do any of those things to NT people. If you're on the spectrum you must be 100% loyal and 100% nice and 100% flexible and 100% selfless at all times, otherwise it comes down badly on us.
Most Aspies are scared to do what NTs do, even though most of us spend most of our lives observing and mimicking NT behaviour.
No wonder we get exhausted, having to be extremely nice and loyal all the time while some NTs are allowed to be jerks and bully us.

This is why I hate being in the spectrum. I'm not saying I want to be nasty or anything, because I don't, but I shouldn't be made to feel guilty by other Aspies if I want to gossip or disagree or have a different opinion on things and so on. Gossiping and having opinions and even judging is just being human and isn't always bad. It's only bad when people habitually use these against people and make people feel insecure.


_________________
Female


HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,247

16 Jul 2021, 3:58 pm

Harry Haller wrote:
Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience)


I don't want to be like them.

I've seen all these things while being on forums for autistic people. We're really not that different from NT people in this regard, even if some of us don't notice these behaviours. :?



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,247

16 Jul 2021, 4:01 pm

When I was younger I didn't fully notice the differences between me and NT people, but now that I'm older and am more self aware I "get" them now. Though I can't say I disagree with some NT peoples reactions to my autistic traits as sometimes I react just as negatively to the opposite traits in NTs.



Harry Haller
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2021
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: to the West

16 Jul 2021, 4:10 pm

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
You may be shocked and scared if you knew how you were really perceived.

undoubtedly :D



Harry Haller
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2021
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 141
Location: to the West

16 Jul 2021, 4:16 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Harry Haller wrote:
Yeah, sure -- and think it's mostly good, frankly.

-Never heard an Aspie gossip or slander another.
-Never found an Aspie bullying another "for sport."
-Never found an Aspie telling everyone else how to live or getting caught up in ridiculous illogical conspiracy drama.
-Never observed an Aspie taking up arms to enforce a belief on another.
-Never find an Aspie playing the "I'm better than you" reindeer game.

Aspies tend to "live, and let live" (at least this is my experience).


That's because, according to Aspies here, it's immoral, unethical and hypocritical for Aspies to do any of those things to NT people. If you're on the spectrum you must be 100% loyal and 100% nice and 100% flexible and 100% selfless at all times, otherwise it comes down badly on us.
Most Aspies are scared to do what NTs do, even though most of us spend most of our lives observing and mimicking NT behaviour.
No wonder we get exhausted, having to be extremely nice and loyal all the time while some NTs are allowed to be jerks and bully us.

This is why I hate being in the spectrum. I'm not saying I want to be nasty or anything, because I don't, but I shouldn't be made to feel guilty by other Aspies if I want to gossip or disagree or have a different opinion on things and so on. Gossiping and having opinions and even judging is just being human and isn't always bad. It's only bad when people habitually use these against people and make people feel insecure.


That's cool, no judgement here.
Remember, this is written from the perspective of N=1.

Like the way you think tho :heart:



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

17 Jul 2021, 12:45 am

What's N=1?


_________________
Female


idntonkw
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 29 Apr 2020
Age: 37
Posts: 477
Location: Boston

17 Jul 2021, 1:06 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Just a general statement for now: I always knew I was different, but I'm starting to think the gap between me and NTs is more like a chasm. I thought I was cognizant of my differences, but now I'm thinking that the way I thought they perceived me may not be accurate.

Oh, I could see most of them picked up something different about me. But how I thought they perceived me (good or bad) may be off the mark. Theory of Mind? I thought I was passing near-normal but not socially interesting. I'm starting to wonder if a lot of these NTs think about me in a much worse light.

Anyone else kind of relate? Anyone else feel their attempts at ToM have shifted and you didn't realize just how different the thought process between you and NTs may be?


They don't notice me, until I try to be normal or try dating, and then they think I am VERY STRANGE and are not interested in me..



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,146

17 Jul 2021, 1:15 am

I think NTs are more often able to more nimbly (smoothly) able to:
1. switch their attention between concurrent events/people/situations
2. react to new situations more swiftly
3. regulate their emotional response to ambiguous situations
4. manage their decision making process more efficiently when facing point number 3

Altogether there is better coordination between the different parts of the brain

I think its possible to practice/improve one's capacity to function at the same level as an NT so you can maintain/keep up with them. A lot of WP members do this already and have successful relationships with NTs at home and work.

Being able to keep up with NTs doesn't mean you have to imitate/copy everything they do. That's a mistake. You need to be true/authentic to yourself and think critically. If it takes you longer to do this than the average NT its still better than just blindly copying them.



ezbzbfcg2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,936
Location: New Jersey, USA

17 Jul 2021, 1:28 am

cyberdad wrote:
You need to be true/authentic to yourself and think critically. If it takes you longer to do this than the average NT its still better than just blindly copying them.


Actually, if left to his/her own devices, I think an Aspie is actually better at being true/authentic unto himself, and feels no need to copy NTs beyond the basics. This is precisely where the problem lies. An Aspie being true to himself can cause hatred among NT groupings.