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Aspinator
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17 Jul 2021, 5:28 pm

I welcome all the help I can get on this subject. A couple of days ago; a family member on Ancestry.com informed me I had a child that was searching for me. The child (man) was born in 1977 in a town I used to live in. He is 44yo. I never knew I had a child and to find out 44 years later is very perplexing to me. He has the last name of a girl I knew from the 70s but thats all I know. Do have any suggestions on how I should proceed?



IsabellaLinton
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17 Jul 2021, 5:37 pm

That would certainly be shocking. If you pursue this information I would definitely recommend getting a DNA test first.

I'm not sure what I'd do from there. In an ideal world I hope the man and his mother would be respectful and considerate about your emotions and your lack of involvement.

In any event I'd want to know a lot more information before proceeding.



MJ D
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17 Jul 2021, 7:01 pm

At his age, I would guess he likely doesn't want much from you, other than to just quench the curiosity of knowing who you are and what you're about. Possibly some discussion at some point on medical history; genetic dispositions, cancer, diabetes, heart disease... He's at the age a man starts to pay closer attention to such things.

Personally, I would offer to meet and just see what he wants to know. Keep it light and answer some questions.



Aspinator
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17 Jul 2021, 7:20 pm

Thanks to all for your inputs. I still have mixed emotions on this. I don't know if I should be pissed for not being told or involved for so long; ( it makes me feel like a sperm donor) or if I should be polite and act respectfully and meet with him.


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MJ D
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17 Jul 2021, 7:32 pm

Well the odds are pretty good he wasn't told either, at least for a while. So he went through the same shock, questions and frustration as you're going through now.

The woman herself is a different matter. I would treat him as a separate subject of its own.

Hope that helps.



Double Retired
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17 Jul 2021, 8:07 pm

Aspinator wrote:
Thanks to all for your inputs. I still have mixed emotions on this. I don't know if I should be pissed for not being told or involved for so long; ( it makes me feel like a sperm donor) or if I should be polite and act respectfully and meet with him.


Aspinator
A more precise DNA test would be nice (rather than through another relative) I vote for you being hopefully curious. You may have just gotten something that some of us never had. And maybe you'll like him!


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