Fear of Heights
I am afraid of heights.
I am wondering if other autistics have this like I do. I can even just see a picture of someone on the side of a building and it haunts my thoughts until I forget about it.
My hands are sweaty just typing this. I play a computer game, and a new level in it has these terrifying rope bridges, that sway in the wind as you walk across them. I'm thinking of giving up on the game as it's just too terrifying.
I get a picture or something in my head, and I continually think about it and can't stop thinking about it.
Lately, I've been watching 'The Expanse' and even when they go space walking I can't watch because I can't stop thinking about falling...
dragonsanddemons
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I think I don't have so much a fear of heights, but fear of falling. I could walk right up to the edge of a cliff if there was a solid railing there. But leaning over the railing? Nope. And I do not do roller coasters, and hate hills in the road. I also tend not to handle falling or anything likely to lead to falling well in first-person video games. Yet my favorite dreams are ones where I fly, probably I'm not afraid then because I can feel the air under my wings supporting me (yes, I not only feel in dreams, I feel in body parts I don't even have in reality).
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I don't fear heights.
I do get cautious about falling or just a loss of control of maintaining balance/anchor/grip against falling.
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Sweetleaf
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I mean I only really get afraid of heights in real life, like seeing it in person....but I don't get that nervous just seeing it on a video. I still have a slightly hard time with videos of like sky-diver people who just run and jump of a cliff and looks like they are falling till they put their parachute up. I guess some of those YouTube videos freak me out for a minute sometimes till it shows the person has a parachute.
but in games it never bothers me that much.
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dragonsanddemons
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For heights, I don’t. I think I have to actually be at real risk of falling for that to kick in. I think getting the visuals of falling does it too, but something that’s still like a photo doesn’t usually.
But for things pertaining to my social phobia (like having to start a conversation with someone I don’t know), just thinking about it gets my heart racing.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
My fear of heights has become steadily worse and worse as I've got older. These days, I'm like the OP; my stomach turns even seeing still photos of people near cliff edges, high-wire walking, or climbing up the sides of buildings. A video of something like that coming up unexpectedly on YouTube can easily make me lurch and spill my coffee. And yes, just writing that put me on-edge a little bit.
I find this really weird, as a young adult, I was a rock-climber and caver, and as a child I was forever getting rescued by adults from the tops of trees and cliffs because I'd climb them without the slightest fear about how I was going to get back down.
I'm not quite sure why that is - partly feeling less "indestructable" as I get older, I suppose, but my perception of space, distance, and speed seems to have changed too.
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AnonymousAnonymous
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I've never really feared spiders, although I did get bit by one two years ago, and the flesh around the bite necroized (is permanently damaged, like dead flesh. Its kinda gross, and I'm stuck with it until death.
I did have a run in with a LARGE truranchu when in the tropics once, my parents asked me to escort it outside, as I use to always try to safe the spiders from being squashed, but this thing was nearly a foot wide, and I couldn't muster the courage to save it, we ended up killing it, to get it out of there. Very freaky, when it moved...
I'd only start to be wary let alone fear heights in real time, at the very physical moment, if there are real possibility of falling.
If I know to myself that I have real no safety net, if I'm physically incapable or simply not confident enough to go safely without serious possible consequences.
Except I'm not afraid to getting hurt, I'm more worried about people finding me in helpless states and be worried.
.. Yeah, I'm more worried about how people may worry about me than whatever they judge me in a more harsh manner.
While I'm not very clumsy, I'm not that fit nor I'm 100% reliably attentive.
But if the floor is made of clear glass that is at least several times stronger than steel, and the view of said floor is thousand feet down...
I'd still dance and jump around it without any nagging behind my head.
Because I'm stepping into something very solid and not very drafty from below.
And if possible -- I'd willfully do skydiving, bungee jumping, wall or mountain climbing... Even crossing dangerous bridges and viewing cliffs.
At worst, I only get a quiet chatter behind my head to remind me to be less reckless -- because I'm somewhat naturally reckless -- to mind where I step, to tighten my grip a bit, to hold back a bit.
It's just instinct like notification that I can choose to play along or ignore.
Mostly because I don't wanna held back too much by people who cares too much.
But not true fear -- or at least, I know how to fight or take on fear from becoming a form of dread or helpless panic.
You know, the types who would take anxiety into a turn instead of dread it's excitement. I know how to be like that.
Because I know everyone's heads just wants their respective bodies to be safe.
I don't know.
I have a screwed sense of fear. I wonder sometimes if there are other aspies without any phobias.
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