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cubedemon6073
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18 Jul 2021, 9:35 pm

What does everyone think of my essay so far?

Earth 2175:

The USA is no more. Why? It does not matter to the point of this story. California and Texas went back to Mexico. The Northeast from Maine to the Mason-dixon line becomes its own nation called the Northern States of America. The States below the Mason-dixon line become the New Christian States of America.

The Northern States of America are more progressive, and more money is poured into technological research. If you needed help the government and others were willing to help. Meanwhile, the New Christian States of America research is restricted and sins in the Bible are punished with stoning to death unless one repented of one’s sins. And if one repents then, one is simply interned in a forced labor camp.

Now, let us look at a specific young lady who is a citizen of the New Christian States of America. This young lady will inadvertently shake the very foundations, beliefs, and values of this nation. She is a young lady who is on the autism spectrum. The traits of autism including but not limited to taking things literally, difficulty with non-verbal language, and other communication difficulties. Her family did not quite get this and because of her intelligence, excellent recall of facts and insight into things her family who believed like most of the citizenry in the inerrancy of the Bible considered her touched and possibly a prophet.

For years her parents had her go to church, and she complied. She believed every jot and dot in the Bible was true. She accepted Jesus Christ as her lord and savior. Women were surprisingly educated in this society so they could better serve the will of God and to read and understand the inerrant the word of God.

Day after day, month after month, year after year not only did she learn things like mathematics, she studied the Bible with her various experts including pastors. She eventually grew to a fine young lady both studious and lovely. She would make a good wife but that would not be her destiny. One night during her Bible reading certain verses clicked and made sense. She was able to see a logic within the verses. And that would be the beginning of the end for her and the Christian States of America.

And, as she studied the verses, she kept noticing contradictions in the Bible even when trying the ancient Greek. She would use methods to try to logically explain them away. But there were certain things she could. She believed every word of the Bible was true and was inerrant. Her black and white and rigid mind helped her to survive in this society because it was a black and white and rigid society as well.

One of the sermons she listened to was about The Greatest Commandment and the Parable of the sheep and goats. These are the verses.
https://biblehub.com/matthew/22.htm

Matthew 22

The Greatest Commandment


34 And when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they themselves gathered together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested Him with a question: 36 “Teacher, which commandment is the greatest in the Law?”

37 Jesus declared, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?s ... ersion=NIV
The Sheep and the Goats

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.

35 For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,

36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.

42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,

43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Reading the parable of the Sheep and Goats made her realize that both the greatest command and the second greatest command depended upon each other. The parable of the sheep and goats explained to her that if you helped and visited the poor, sick, imprisoned, disenfranchised it entails that you will love God with all your soul, heart and mind. And, if one loved God with all your soul, heart and mind she would help and visit the poor, sick, imprisoned and disenfranchised. She realized both commandments weren’t just two but one and the same. She realized the rest of the commands and commandments by God and Jesus in the Bible had to serve the two greatest commandments similar to the order of operations and the concept of PEDMAS. She poured her heart, soul and mind into refining this discovery and correcting the current doctrines in the church. She loved God and she loved the church and God was her father and the church was sort of like her mother.

She started asking herself if the commandment of love God and love others was the commandment and command all the other commandments and commands stem from then there must be a sin and an act of disobedience that all other sins and acts of disobedience come from. What would be the negation of loving God and loving others as oneself? She sat there and pondered this, and a revelation came to her. It is to hate God and to hate oneself. And, by hating yourself you hate others. And, if you hate others then you must hate God. And the converse is true as well. If one hates God, then one must hate oneself and hate others. She realized that the other sins prohibited in the Bible were only prohibited if and only if they could be derived from the ultimate sin and act of disobedience. For example, Abraham was told by God to sacrifice his son Isaac yet one of the ten commandments prohibits murder. By obeying God to sacrifice his son even though the angel stopped him the last-minute Abraham was showing his love and devotion to God the Father who art thou in heaven, holy be thy name.

But what if she could argue that some of these prohibitions are no longer prohibitions if she was able to reasonably justify and argue the prohibited actions from the greatest commandment. For example, is prostitution a sin if the prostitute uses the money made not just for herself but to uplift others. She uses the money made to help feed the homeless and even put them through college so they’re able to provide for themselves. And, if the Bible is the errant word of God and not one word of it is false then magic and sorcery must exist. She thought to herself if magic and sorcery must exist is magic and sorcery prohibited absolutely or is it only prohibited if one commits the ultimate sin and act of disobedience that all sins and acts of disobedience are derived from?

What if she used sorcery to do God’s will and not only to help and uplift the poor but to turn people to God? Not only could she help them but teach them to help themselves. What if she used magic to get people to turn those who did not believe in God and not only got them to believe but she got them to help uplift the poor? All of these thoughts were running through her mind, and she was urged to reform and unify the church whose main mission was to help the needy, the sick, the downtrodden and visit and mentor to the imprisoned.

One day she preached to her fellow women outside of church as she was not allowed to preach in church because Biblical doctrine said that she must remain silent since women were not allowed to speak in church. Some of the women were appalled at what she was saying. The called the police or what was called the inquisitorial squad. These were the squads whose job was to root out heresy. She was eventually tried, found guilty of heresy, and given a chance to repent. She refused to repent because believed she was right and that she was ordained by God. She was executed by stoning and years later the Christian States of America went to dust. And, the specifics of this lady’s trial and the specifics of the Christian States of America’s demise shall be for another tale I shall tell.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2021, 7:47 am

The South isn't all that bad.....



naturalplastic
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20 Jul 2021, 5:33 pm

Your "story", not an "essay", is a dystopian tale in the tradition of Fahrenheit 451, and the Handmaiden's Tale, of a woman in a future theocratic dictatorship in the USA. A Christian Iranian type regime. The twist that this lady uses scripture to...subvert scripture?

You have to explain why folks are not doing that today as we speak.



cubedemon6073
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20 Jul 2021, 8:39 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Your "story", not an "essay", is a dystopian tale in the tradition of Fahrenheit 451, and the Handmaiden's Tale, of a woman in a future theocratic dictatorship in the USA. A Christian Iranian type regime. The twist that this lady uses scripture to...subvert scripture?

You have to explain why folks are not doing that today as we speak.


NP, are you being literal, facetious or rhetorical? In other words, are you asking a literal question and is expecting an actual response, are you being sarcastic or is it something you're just pondering over?



shlaifu
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20 Jul 2021, 9:26 pm

uhm. the bible has so many holes and contradictions and survived 1500 years or something since it was written. it wasn't abandoned because it turned out to be nonsense, people were highly sceptical at least since a whole continent was discovered that wasn't mentioned with a single word. The bible was abandoned because a capitalist elite came after the feudalist elite, and abondoning the bible and embracing scientific discovery turned out to be a winning strategy. Because science gives you guns and nukes and antibiotics and capitalism gives you logistics and cost-benefit estimations. I'd rather have those on my side when going to war.


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Jul 2021, 9:30 pm

Who is "she" ?

I didn't read the whole paper but I skimmed through it. You use a pronoun even at the beginning of new paragraphs rather than naming the person. I skimmed from the end to the start and didn't see her name.

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to name the woman at least once in the introductory sentence of each paragraph.

I don't know enough about religion to critique your work, otherwise.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2021, 9:49 pm

It’s a dystopian work which paints a grim picture of the future, based upon a negatively-tilted, pessimistic impression of the political present.

There is some resemblance, in some ways, to the Turner Diaries.

Not all Republicans or the South are Bible-thumping Trumpians.



cubedemon6073
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20 Jul 2021, 10:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s a dystopian work which paints a grim picture of the future, based upon a negatively-tilted, pessimistic impression of the political present.

There is some resemblance, in some ways, to the Turner Diaries.

Not all Republicans or the South are Bible-thumping Trumpians.


Kraftie, I read what the turner diaries were all about. What I wrote was not meant to be racist, anti-Semitic or pro-genocide. If it does so inadvertently that wasn't my intent. And, if there is a resemblance to the Turner Diaries then I don't see it. Can you point it out please?

And, of course not all republicans or the south are Bible-thumping Trumpians. If I inadvertently said this as well then again that wasn't my intent.

And, once I write stories of the trial of the woman, the execution and the Christian State's collapse I may write about the The Northern States of America and it's collapse as well which will be a critique of the far left, political correctness, etc. The Northern States of America won't be as progressive as claimed.

I'll write these things when I get around to it and when I feel inspired to do so.



Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 20 Jul 2021, 10:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.

cubedemon6073
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20 Jul 2021, 10:25 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Who is "she" ?

I didn't read the whole paper but I skimmed through it. You use a pronoun even at the beginning of new paragraphs rather than naming the person. I skimmed from the end to the start and didn't see her name.

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to name the woman at least once in the introductory sentence of each paragraph.

I don't know enough about religion to critique your work, otherwise.


1. Read the entire thing please.

2. The name of the woman is irrelevant to the point(s) or theme(s) of the story.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2021, 10:32 pm

It’s not racist what you wrote.

It’s like the Turner Diaries in the sense of the despair and the futility of preventing what seems inevitable, based on the political present.

I said in “some ways.” It’s a sort of apocalyptic vision, more than any of racism on your part. It’s more the views of the Christian States, more subtle than the Turner Diaries—but present, nevertheless.



cubedemon6073
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20 Jul 2021, 10:44 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not racist what you wrote.

It’s like the Turner Diaries in the sense of the despair and the futility of preventing what seems inevitable, based on the political present.

I said in “some ways.” It’s a sort of apocalyptic vision, more than any of racism on your part. It’s more the views of the Christian States, more subtle than the Turner Diaries—but present, nevertheless.


I understand. I added more to what I originally said by the way. Let's just say I'm not letting the far left off the hook either. A pox on both the Trumpian, fascist far right and a pox on the SJW far left. Both of them are dogmatic and unfortunately the far left is a bit more dogmatic.



IsabellaLinton
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20 Jul 2021, 10:51 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Who is "she" ?

I didn't read the whole paper but I skimmed through it. You use a pronoun even at the beginning of new paragraphs rather than naming the person. I skimmed from the end to the start and didn't see her name.

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to name the woman at least once in the introductory sentence of each paragraph.

I don't know enough about religion to critique your work, otherwise.


1. Read the entire thing please.

2. The name of the woman is irrelevant to the point(s) or theme(s) of the story.


My apologies. I'm very literal. I thought it was an academic paper for course code Earth 2175. That's why I giving an academic response. I didn't realise this is a narrative exposition.


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cubedemon6073
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21 Jul 2021, 12:51 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Who is "she" ?

I didn't read the whole paper but I skimmed through it. You use a pronoun even at the beginning of new paragraphs rather than naming the person. I skimmed from the end to the start and didn't see her name.

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to name the woman at least once in the introductory sentence of each paragraph.

I don't know enough about religion to critique your work, otherwise.


1. Read the entire thing please.

2. The name of the woman is irrelevant to the point(s) or theme(s) of the story.


My apologies. I'm very literal. I thought it was an academic paper for course code Earth 2175. That's why I giving an academic response. I didn't realise this is a narrative exposition.


Isabella, it may be my fault. I may have used the word essay wrong. No, it's not meant to be an academic paper. It's meant to be simply a fantasy story based upon the political times of our day and my frustration with certain aspects of our society. Sort of like a coping mechanism. It's all in good fun. That's all.

I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well or not.

You did nothing wrong!



IsabellaLinton
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21 Jul 2021, 1:15 am

You didn't do anything wrong either. I saw the word "essay", and scrolled really quickly without reading the intro. I saw biblical quotes and the word "she" all over the place but that's about all because I didn't feel qualified to evaluate a paper on Religion. :P

I've read it now. You have a nice writing style and I can see that you're creating a fictitious dystopia. Unfortunately I'm still not in a position to critique it because I have no frame of reference. I don't read anything dystopian and in fact Hand Maid's Tale is one of my pet peeves (I've seen some scenes on TV). I don't even read sci fi or anything set in the future. On top of that I go to church but I've never read the Bible and I wouldn't pick up on the satire or double standards. I'm not American and I don't follow American politics, either. It was just really out of my reading-comfort zone and I couldn't formulate an opinion on the subject matter except to say I doubt America will be like that in 150 years.

That's not to say it wasn't interesting. I'd like to know more about that woman though, via her thoughts and feelings, so that she seems more sympathetic and relatable.


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21 Jul 2021, 1:22 am

It made me think of this Anthropology paper written about Nacirema culture.

(America spelt backward - meant to critique American society in the 1950s).

https://www.sfu.ca/~palys/Miner-1956-Bo ... cirema.pdf


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21 Jul 2021, 1:50 am

Thats a great essay. Body Rituals of the Nicerema. Have run across it in school a few times.

"Women bake their heads".

But thank gawd we are safe from these savage customs! :lol:

But the OP's story is not that sorta thing.