I am so sensitive to other people's moods

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Joe90
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20 Jul 2021, 6:27 pm

I feel driven by other people's moods and emotions, I can feel them and I just can't help getting affected by it.

When my boyfriend is in one of his moods I get very nervous and jittery even though he isn't unpredictable or violent or anything. It's just his emotions hit me like a falling ton of bricks. I cannot ignore it.

There's a woman at work who gets in bad moods if she isn't doing her favourite task, and it really affects me. The others tell me not to worry about her and to just ignore her but I just can't help it. If she's in a bad mood then it puts me in a bad mood or makes me feel uneasy or even guilty.

Next week the yard at work is going to be dug up and resurfaced and it's going to interfere with our work system, and I'm not so much worrying about the temporary change (although I am a little), I'm worrying more about what mood the others are going to be in. I understand how stressful it is but I'm also going to be more stressed if the others are stressed.

Does anyone else have this? Why do I get like this? I wish I could switch it off but I can't. It seems that other people can though. I just find I get overwhelmed by other people's emotions, a bit like how some of us get overwhelmed by light or noise. It can't be ignored.


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IsabellaLinton
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20 Jul 2021, 6:32 pm

I'm sorry you experience that, Joe.

Yes I experience it too. I'm like a sponge for people's emotions. Unfortunately they've had to learn that it hurts me. Either they need to regulate their emotions around me, or I end up walking away from the relationship because it's just too much to process. I've really narrowed down the number of people I'll interact with. No it doesn't make you (or me) a snowflake. It just means we are empathetic at receiving people's energy, and it drains us.

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Edna3362
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20 Jul 2021, 6:39 pm

I do.
And I don't like it.


I've spent a lot of energy resisting or ignoring it, including my own.
But like sensory issues... I'm still trying to learn it.

As far as I figure... It's like letting it be felt. Letting it pass by -- it's like swallowing something painful with flavors I don't like, but doable.
But do not (over react)act on it, do not try to stop it and do not try to hang onto it. Simply 'watch'.


It is not easy when multitasking with basic movement and encoding/decoding words to begin with. At least to me.
More so when exhausted, too distracted, or that my body being messy on top of it...

And I have this aversive like reaction when it happens -- it's like my own habit in attempt to disregard and ignoring my emotions.

Like my sensory issues, it does not simply just "get used to it".


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ToughDiamond
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21 Jul 2021, 1:48 pm

Yes, but it's hard to describe very clearly. Usually if somebody nearby gets angry, I'll feel pretty uncomfortable. On a good day I won't get so disorientated that I can't try to resolve the problem.

I think people in the UK are more likely to contain their intense emotions and to keep things a little more serene and dignified, so that it's not all that common I'll notice much at all about their moods. It does seem odd when I see people from / in other countries being rather more over-the-top in expressing their moods. Of course UK people can also get quite loopy as well, but I think it's less common among the middle class.



Joe90
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21 Jul 2021, 2:38 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Yes, but it's hard to describe very clearly. Usually if somebody nearby gets angry, I'll feel pretty uncomfortable. On a good day I won't get so disorientated that I can't try to resolve the problem.

I think people in the UK are more likely to contain their intense emotions and to keep things a little more serene and dignified, so that it's not all that common I'll notice much at all about their moods. It does seem odd when I see people from / in other countries being rather more over-the-top in expressing their moods. Of course UK people can also get quite loopy as well, but I think it's less common among the middle class.


Expressing any sort of emotion in public is socially forbidden in the UK. People don't even like it if you're looking down in the dumps, they'll stare or look at you funny or even tell you to cheer up, which I find is so intruding because they don't know what's going on in my life and I wouldn't do the same to others.
Usually I'm not sensitive to the emotions of strangers I pass in the street unless I have to interact with someone and their body language gives off an angry vibe or something but I still wouldn't tell them to cheer up.


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AprilR
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21 Jul 2021, 3:04 pm

You are not alone, i am also like this. I try so hard to get along with everyone i meet because once one person gets mad at annoyed at me i feel all of their emotions too much and start hating myself since if they hate me they must be right. I see myself from other people's eyes too much and their negative emotions overwhelm me.



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21 Jul 2021, 3:15 pm

^^
I haven't noticed that - I probably don't look sad very often at all. In fact I don't even feel what could be called sad. I know what you mean though. I guess it depends on the people, I've known some who respect it when a person is unhappy, others who don't, as if the way somebody feels is some kind of duty to the group, rather than an unavoidable reaction to something that's happening to them.



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21 Jul 2021, 5:09 pm

All of the examples given in this thread are about being affected by.people's negative moods. Moods can be positive too. Are you all equally sensitive to positive moods?

I think people with autism are sensitive to negative feelings is because they trigger our own. Most of us have had depression so this is not surprising.


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Joe90
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21 Jul 2021, 5:31 pm

BeaArthur wrote:
All of the examples given in this thread are about being affected by.people's negative moods. Moods can be positive too. Are you all equally sensitive to positive moods?

I think people with autism are sensitive to negative feelings is because they trigger our own. Most of us have had depression so this is not surprising.


I do feel sensitive to other people's happy moods too, but it doesn't cause stress to me like negative moods do.

I am good at dealing with someone's negativity if they're verbally confiding in me, as I tend to listen and understand. But it's non-verbal negative moods that really affect me, or the tone in people's voices.

When I was at school I would get really stressed if the teacher was in a bad mood. I would become more easily distracted (I wasn't the best at focusing anyway), and I would be clumsy (like dropping things), and I would just be nervous and jittery. So this would cause the teacher to take their bad mood out on me, because they'd see me fidgeting and not paying attention. I suppose because they knew I had this stupid ASD they thought I wouldn't pick up on or understand other people's moods so they didn't understand why I was so jittery and nervous.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Jul 2021, 5:48 pm

I was the opposite in school.

I really didn’t notice the moods of people other than myself.

I would react “better” if somebody exhibited more overt behaviors like crying.



ezbzbfcg2
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21 Jul 2021, 5:59 pm

I suspect Aspies may actually be more empathic than realized. However, as we often struggle to understand our own true feelings, we may totally disregard or not know how to interpret the feelings of others, even though we're clearly picking up on something, just not knowing how to analyze it. Sensory overload/processing issues and confusion may force us to disregard it entirely.

I suspect many NTs are actually less empathic and rely on a social script. Their hostility to us is based on us not abiding by said script, so they default to disgust/hostility mode. They themselves lack the empathy for us to surmise our true intentions.



aquafelix
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22 Jul 2021, 5:01 am

Yes super sensitive to others moods, not that that helps me know what to do about that



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22 Jul 2021, 7:15 am

BeaArthur wrote:
All of the examples given in this thread are about being affected by.people's negative moods. Moods can be positive too. Are you all equally sensitive to positive moods?

I think people with autism are sensitive to negative feelings is because they trigger our own. Most of us have had depression so this is not surprising.

I myself can fully attest it includes positive emotions. Maybe more to some extent.

It doesn't mean it can get any less awkward, irrelevant at certain moments, intrusive, confusing, disonating or frustrating.

In terms of negative emotions, it is not always the most irrelevant or necessary frustrating.
Even not always stress inducing because it would've been what I may need at the moment.


There are simply emotions I would rather ride at given moment.
There are also emotions that I wouldn't and will clash and dissonate further at certain moments, but had little control over and that's what made it frustrating.


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Harry Haller
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22 Jul 2021, 10:18 am

Common phenomenon everywhere - not specific to ASD

Usually starts in early kiddiehood - have an unstable parent who has not learned to regulate emotion.
So the parent is emotionally all over the place.
The kid gets the message: "I'm responsible for the emotions of the parent, I'm responsible to keep the parent happy."

Becomes pretty ingrained so, now grown, the adult feels responsible for the emotions of everyone else.

"You are responsible for my emotions."
"You are responsible for my happiness."

Biggest lie in the book.

Key to freedom is realizing the lie.

So realizing that "hey, I cannot control anyone else's emotional state at all," helps.
If I cannot control another's emotions why, I am not responsible for the emotions of another in the first place.

That person is responsible for their miserable mood. Not me.

All I am responsible for is my own emotional state -- enough of a challenge -- and you, stop putting your bad day on me.
You own it. You're responsible. Clean up your own trash.

It's really disrespectful when adults refuse to regulate their emotions and put these on everyone else.



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22 Jul 2021, 10:57 am

^ Word. I have always ALWAYS felt responsible for my parents' happiness and even felt like i have to get their marriage keep going. It is absolutely insane.



renaeden
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24 Jul 2021, 5:18 am

Same.

Once my parents were giving each other the silent treatment. It was almost painful for me to endure. It lasted for about a week before I had to get away from it and go on a very long walk.