Social interaction: What kinds are hardest/easiest for you?

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Mona Pereth
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30 Jul 2021, 6:52 pm

Fenn wrote:
If someone from England was visiting the united states and they spoke to you with an American accent would you think they were trying to make fun of you? Or would you just think they were talking?

Depends what you mean by an "American accent." If someone from obviously from overseas were trying to talk with a traditional "New York accent" (not actually used by most New Yorkers anymore), this would seem a bit strange.

It is my understanding that England has a lot of traditional local accents (see Regional Accents of English - Wikipedia). I'm also under the impression (U.K. people, correct me if I'm wrong) that a lot of people in the U.K. are very proud of their distinctive local accents and strive to maintain them. That being the case, they might be annoyed by some foreigner trying, not-quite-successfully, to imitate a specific local accent.

Fenn wrote:
The people I work with may be in the same room with me or may be on the other end of a computer connection.
I actually find I do best in text-chat when it comes to electronic communication. Not as much to figure out.

Same here.

Fenn wrote:
But I work best in a small co-located team as a general rule.

Same here also.

Fenn wrote:
The uncanny-valley thing might have some truth - but frankly I think I fit in better for making an effort than I did before I started making an effort.

Making an effort to respect people's customs is one thing. Trying to "blend in" is another.

Fenn wrote:
I think some people are hypersensative about being politically correct.

I was once working with a group of engineers. One was born in Mexico, one was born in India, one was Italian American and one was Irish American. Both myself and one of the engineers were married to someone who was German American - and the subject often came up.

We were all in the same building.

I looked up etiquette rules for different cultures and the results were interesting:

https://businessculture.org/northern-eu ... etiquette/

https://businessculture.org/western-eur ... n-germany/

https://www.globig.co/blog/a-quick-guid ... -in-mexico

https://businessculture.org/southern-eu ... -in-italy/

https://asialinkbusiness.com.au/india/c ... -etiquette

https://bizfluent.com/about-6167549-bus ... e-usa.html

Thanks for the links. I'll look at them later.


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Lost_dragon
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06 Aug 2021, 6:39 pm

Most difficult

Tone.

Sometimes I do not sound as expected, such as when I'm excited. I may be accused of lying or asked why I don't sound excited when I am excited. However, if I attempt to sound excited then I sound sarcastic and that makes it worse. I am not a naturally bubbly person. Which is ironic because I am the type of person to randomly break into song, but I do struggle to sound interested or excited even when I am unless I am incredibly invested then in which case I might talk too fast and dump too much information on you but I try not to do that.

It can also be a problem when people get annoyed at me for missing sarcasm. Usually I throw in hand gestures to communicate smaller tonal differences. I tend to find that people can either easily read me or can't read me at all.

Easiest

Making deadpan remarks and inside jokes. I am good at building up a rapport with others and people often come to me asking for advice.


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KittenRN
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14 Aug 2021, 2:35 pm

I have made a point to surround myself with people I get along with at work and home. What gets me is the random interactions. Just the other day got into a verbal fight w the cashier at corner bakery. I guess feeling misunderstood is a real trigger for me.

She actually did tell me incorrect info about the menu and was slightly rude. I just couldn’t let it go. I had to correct her. I absolutely hate this about myself. As I’m 38 now I can sense myself getting… I don’t know it’s like my mind locks up in a way… becomes rigid, reactive, and hostile.

Over the years it’s happened enough times that I know it’s an issue.

It’s very isolating. And as someone who is used to being high functioning it makes me feel really disappointed in myself.

Now with the trend of posting videos of people having melt downs im actually scared to go…. More and more places. An autistic meltdown and a Karen meltdown might have different energy (entitlement vs frustration) but after a certain point I’m just reacting and I’m not doing a great job of reacting so it probably would look pretty scary on a video.

As a nurse w a Med spa I’m terrified of this type of exposure. I’m not 100% open w my diagnosis. Maybe I have worked up from 10% to 35% of the people in my life being informed by me about my ASD. Over the past few years. I’m sure another 15- 25% of my circle have heard it through the grapevine or have guessed.

I now tell all new potential vendors prior to the first meeting that I’m on the spectrum and will lean on my front desk for all admin tasks. This is after 3 brands found me so repellent that they stopped accepting my money.

I want help. I have tried 3 therapists in the last 3 years. So frustrated w the process.



DuckHairback
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14 Aug 2021, 3:33 pm

I can stand up in front of a crowd and talk *at* them.

I can talk to a person if I perceive there to be a legitimate reason for me to be talking to them (i.e. I'm buying something at a shop or I'm talking to a teacher about my child's schooling).

Where I struggle is pure 'socialising'. Talking to people for talking's sake. I can just about handle one person but I tend to overshare and run on about topics that probably aren't interesting to them. I forget to ask questions. I am too comfortable with uncomfortable silences. I beat myself up about it afterwards. I can't do groups at all. My mind is blank in such situations. I have nothing to say, brain is operating on lizard level.

And if there's background noise (like in a bar or a tv on somewhere) I go deep down inside until I can slink away unnoticed.



Summer_Twilight
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16 Aug 2021, 1:22 pm

Social interaction - I use small talk as a survival tactic and especially if I don't know something

Harder for me -

1. I have the tendency to get overly excited when I see people and dominate the conversation.
2. I will ask someone a group in a question before they answer right before asking another person



OccasionalSeagull
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15 Sep 2021, 12:17 pm

diagnosedafter50 wrote:
Groups are hard, can't get a word in edgeways sometimes.
Can't finish a sentence without being interrupted.

One-to-one is easier.
Only bad thing is I feel used as a sounding board sometimes.
The good thing is, people share things with me they don't tell their closest friends and know I can be trusted.


This is kind of funny to me,
I despise large groups. They get too excited too quickly and being Hard of Hearing amplifies my anxiety and social ineptitude when every voice becomes one solid mess of sound and I'm still expected to keep everyone's thought and statement separate. Especially when I have to sort, plan, organize, filter, and choose tones/ inflections for each response/ joke I may be expected to give. I'm not a skilled juggler.

One on one is fine for me, but just like in groups I like to observe or listen. I like stories and different points of view. If you have something interesting to say I am totally there for it. If you start interrogating me I'm almost certain you're digging for information to use against me or trying to catch me in a lie -dont ask me why I think that, I've never been able to lie. The woman who birthed me was an aggressively compulsive liar as were 2 of my siblings and I *still* never learned how to do it.

Oddly enough though like you people who have either never really said more than a few words to me OR have openly disliked me have told me things/ bounced things off me or the like, and usually it comes down to "I don't know, I just felt like I could trust you. You're weird but you don't talk about anybody."
"You're so straightforward I didn't think you'd lie to make me feel better"
"I felt like my friends were hiding something from me"
"You're a freak but you're smart and nobody I know listens"
"I just don't have anybody else right now"

11 years later I still can't figure out if those are compliments. I also wonder the caliber of friends most people have if 'the freak you hate' is more trustworthy than they are.
On the whole from my earliest memory I've much preferred toys, animals, and plants as companions. Highly intelligent peers are great companions, but they've always got an entourage so :roll:


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platypi2
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22 Sep 2021, 11:51 pm

Easiest is performing: singing, acting, speaking. I can prepare, and I know exactly what to say. Plus limited interaction requiring thinking on my feet. Or talking to ppl I won't likely see again.

Hardest is people I kind of a little bit know or encounter routinely. They expect more than small talk, which is already painful... but I don't really know them. So I'm lost.



kraftiekortie
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23 Sep 2021, 8:19 am

I'm the opposite. I'm very poor at preparing for speeches. I'm pretty poor at delivering them, too. I'm not good with Powerpoint.

I do better "ad hoc," but really not that much better.

I'm not good in formal contexts at all. I do better within informal contexts.



Fnord
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23 Sep 2021, 8:46 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Social interaction: What kinds are hardest/easiest for you?
Dealing with self-appointed "experts" on any given subject who can only cite their own feelings and thoughts to "justify" their claims, and who then resort to attacking anyone who counters their claims by presenting empirical evidence.



mohsart
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23 Sep 2021, 5:04 pm

Fnord wrote:
Dealing with self-appointed "experts" on any given subject who can only cite their own feelings and thoughts to "justify" their claims, and who then resort to attacking anyone who counters their claims by presenting empirical evidence.

This is why I shy away from forums dedicated to my "special interests".

/Mats


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Mona Pereth
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24 Sep 2021, 8:28 pm

mohsart wrote:
r]This is why I shy away from forums dedicated to my "special interests".

I'm very sorry to hear this. Such forums would otherwise be an excellent place to find potential friends.

Have you experimented with techniques for taking the sting out of criticism/disagreement (e.g. the techniques described in these tutorials)?

[Slapping myself for forgetting these techniques in another recent discussion here on WP.]


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mohsart
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25 Sep 2021, 3:04 am

Well there are two scenarios.
In say a cartoon forum, there are opinions, "Batman is a better cartoon than Superman", which I may or may not agree with. That I can handle, it's much like WP, people have opinions, most people are reasonable, you can discuss and finaly agree to disagree.
In a woodworking or sailing forum, there are facts mixed up with opinions, "screws are stronger than nails", "linseed paint needs turpentine to penetrate".
I'm sick and tired of having to produce evidence of what I know from experience is true, just because some half-whit claims it's not.
And I don't really enjoy a forum dedicated to my interests where a cerain percentage of the members are dumbasses.

/Mats


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cirnotarkovsky
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25 Sep 2021, 6:07 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Everyone, what kinds of social interaction do you find hardest? What kinds do you find easiest?


The hardest ones for me are those that expect me to automatically join in on discussion topics, to in a sense begin 'vibing' with both the contents being discussed as well as the emotional layer of the conversation. Most of the time I don't have any incentive to discuss the topic in such a constellation, especially when it seems utterly pointless to do so in the first place e.g. when it's extremely superficial or not stimulating enough.
Results in me awkwardly sitting there listening to the ongoing discussion being bored to death :roll: .

Easiest ones by far are those where I am involved by others directly, for example by being asked concise questions that have a limited amount of possible answers, which in turn can be elaborated upon. I find it very hard in general to just begin talking about random things and need some sort of foundation I can use. Also direct involvement makes it very clear to me that the other is interested so I don't have to rely on intellectually analysing social cues. It very much takes off the anxiety of doing something wrong.

What also works very well with me are situations or people that don't expect much if anything at all from you in interaction. Pretty much people that overtly like you and keep involving you but don't punish your failures to follow social protocol. That takes the edge off as well and allows me to be as authentic as possible without jeopardising my sense of self :mrgreen: .



AngelL
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27 Sep 2021, 11:05 am

mohsart wrote:
I'm sick and tired of having to produce evidence of what I know from experience is true, just because some half-whit claims it's not.


Fact is, I think I could let it go most times but if I have any fondness for others on the forum, then I get super... almost protective of them and I end up trying to debunk things I know are B.S. because I don't want the people I care about on the forum to believe it's true. My need to prove something is less about me and/or the dumbass, and more about the 'innocents'.

It is almost never appreciated and it's always considered not important to debunk falsehoods... then a pandemic comes along and suddenly debunking misinformation is critical. ~shakes head~



browneyedgirlslowingdown
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04 Oct 2021, 9:30 pm

It's really hard for me to feign interest in someone or something. It's almost painful. I have very little interest in people usually. They seem to lead with information that is irrelevant, uninteresting, meaningless to me to forge bonds and so I immediately dismiss them. People are like flowers to me, I see them I like it, without them having to do a thing, I either do or don't. So any kind of forced interaction, and depthless interaction is painful. On the other hand, directness is lovely. I was on a train recently and someone said to the people around him, wow, that is a lovely sunset. I heard him, I agreed, and looked up at him and said, I agree it is absolutely beautiful. Shrug. I guess interactions that are direct, honest, without attempts to manipulate are what I find easiest. Sorry for the rambling.


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